Since it's Friday night...

...and it's easier to download a photo of a sexy woman than to come up with jokes, here's a photo of supermodel Marisa Miller:

Hey there, what are you listening to?

Overdoing it

Um, you might just be doing that.

Um...

...you're an idiot, professor:

A Canadian researcher said he had to cancel a pornography study because he could not find any adult men who had never viewed sexually explicit material.

Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse of the University of Montreal said he had to drastically alter his study on how pornography impacts the sexuality of men due to the limitations he discovered in finding volunteers, The Sun (Britain) reported Wednesday.

You might as well spend your money on time travel, seeing as how pretty much every man EVAR since the invention of photography has seen sexually explicit material.

Oh, God, Think of THE CHILDREN!!!!!!

What do you want to bet a whole bunch of taxpayer money got spent on this?

Beverage can tops are still finding their way into the stomachs of some children, especially teens, despite being redesigned in the 1970s to keep people from swallowing them, U.S. researchers said on Monday.

A 16-year study at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center found 19 children had swallowed the safety tabs, which are designed to fold back but stay attached to cans for soda and other beverages.

Why, that averages out to like a whole 1.1875 kids per year (can you even actually have 1.1875 whole kids?) that swallow one of those tabs! Nearly ONE AND A QUARTER of them!!! But not quite.

I'm pretty sure a ban is in order.

Great news, sports fans!

The Dodgers have announced that they've signed legendary announcer Vin Scully for his 61st season in the booth, which is a record for all sports broadcasters:

Scully just celebrated birthday #82 Sunday and he shows no signs of slowing down.

When Scully first called a Dodgers game, the team was in Brooklyn, Harry Truman was president, gas cost $.27 cents a gallon and minimum wage was $.75 an hour.

There was a game I was listening to sometime during the last season or two where he actually mentioned a childhood memory of seeing dead horses on the side of the road in New York City, and yet, here he is in L.A. six decades after beginning his career, still the best baseball broadcaster in the business. I hope he's here for another decade or two, though he says he'll "take it year-to-year" after the coming season.

I hate Christmas shopping as much as the next guy...

...but, dude...

Officers went to the store about 5:15 p.m. Saturday to find a bloody-faced Eberle brandishing the hammer. Customers were streaming out the front doors, according to police reports.

A witness said Eberle smashed televisions while saying “hammer, hammer, hammer” in a monotone voice. Another witness said he “had a glazed look in his eyes and was walking like Frankenstein,” reports said.

Aside from going on a rampage like that—which was in pretty poor taste to begin with—the whole "Frankenstein" thing isn't very seasonable. Halloween was last month.

Oh, and Frankenstein was the scientist, not the monster. How exactly do you walk like a scientist?

Since it's Friday night...

...and I'm still suffering from a turkey hangover, here's a pic of Jennifer Love Hewitt:

Those are some nice, um, pits you've got there, Jen.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone is able to spend this day with friends and family, fighting over the remote, sniping at each other about the proper way to prepare various side dishes, and eventually sitting down to a pleasant meal and sharing the things that they're truly thankful for.

Should have known better

Well, this is fun:

The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration said Joseph Imperato, 53, a lawyer in the Miami-Dade County public defender's office, was accused of selling a total 45 tablets of the powerful painkiller to the undercover police detective on two occasions this month, The Miami Herald reported Tuesday.

Investigators allege Imperato took a total $700 from the detective for the pills.

The article goes on to say that he "may" be suspended from the Public Defender's office because of this.

"May?"

Stay in school, kids

You probably shouldn't ditch school to rob a bank, but if you feel like you absolutely have to, you might not want to do so in quite such an ironic fashion:

A local 17-year-old boy skipped school on Thursday to rob a bank –– but the police said his misspelled note to the teller led to his arrest that afternoon.

Capt. Sean Collins said the teen walked into the Coastway Community Bank branch at 2089 Warwick Ave. Thursday morning and handed a note to the teller. The handwritten note, riddled with misspelled words, demanded money or “everyone will be shot,” Collins said.

Oh, and you also might not want to leave your fingerprints on the note you used to rob the bank. Or appear clearly on the bank's security cameras.

Stanfurd sucks!

Cal wins the 112th Big Game 34-28 and The Axe stays where it belongs.

Since it's Friday night...

...and the people visiting here are more than likely from The Hostages...

Um, yeah.

Excuse me?

I don't know a whole lot about robbing a store, but I'm sure speaking clearly helps:

Volusia County sheriff's deputies said Carlie McDuffie, 24, walked into a Family Dollar store and told an employee to hand over money from the register in a quiet voice that the clerk either didn't hear or didn't understand, the Orlando Sentinel reported Thursday.

Sheriff's spokesman Brandon Haught said the 34-year-old clerk asked McDuffie what he needed and the suspect repeated the demand in the same whispered tone. The clerk again asked what he needed, and McDuffie said "forget it" and left the store, Haught said.

The cops arrested him half an hour later after the clerk realized that he was trying to rob the place, but I think he has a decent defense. I mean, how can the clerk testify that he was trying to rob the place when he or she couldn't initially figure out what was going on?

Wow, he gets great gas mileage!

Nine hours and four hundred miles without stopping? That's amazing!

In this economy...

...it's tough to make a living. Especially when you're working as a door-to-door salesman:

A 19-year-old Brownsville man is jailed on a drug charge after he allegedly went door-to-door trying to sell marijuana. A Brownsville police spokesman says Anthony Carrazco's alleged scheme went awry when he knocked on a police officer's apartment door.

Spokesman Jimmy Manrrique says the episode happened Thursday downtown near the University of Texas-Texas Southmost College campus. He says Carrazco appeared to be intoxicated and allegedly had three ounces of marijuana with him that he tried to sell door-to-door. Finally, Carrazco knocked on the off-duty police officer's door. The officer "said he would be right back and went to get his badge and handcuffs."

Well, I guess Carrazco probably would have been able to pawn the badge and handcuffs for a few bucks, but I think he was actually looking for cash upfront for the weed. I'm pretty sure that's how those transactions usually work.

Oh, wait...