Faulty hydraulics

Damn. Just, daaaaaamn.

A former handyman has won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year erection.

Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, received the steel and plastic implant in 1996, about two years before Viagra went on the market. The Dura-II is designed to allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex, then lower it.

But Lennon could not position his penis downward. He said he could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment. He has become a recluse and is uncomfortable being around his grandchildren, his lawyer said.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if his grandchildren, among others, are uncomfortable being around him, too.

"I don't know any man who for any amount of money would want to trade and take my client's life," said Jules D'Allessandro, Lennon's attorney. "He's not a whole person."

He's more machine than man. That, and it can't be easy for him to pee.