Monday, April 30, 2007

Re-arranged marriage

Note to self: If you find yourself getting married in India (hey, you never know, it might happen), try to show up for the wedding sober.
Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom's more sober brother instead, police said Monday.

"The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride's family and local villagers chased him away," Madho Singh, a senior police officer told Reuters after Sunday's marriage in a village in Bihar state's Arwal district.

The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom's place beside the teenage bride at her family's invitation, witnesses said.
Hmmmmm...doesn't sound like the "teenage bride" really had any say in the matter. Shocking, that.

Fifteen years ago

Wow. It guess I didn't realize that fifteen years had passed since the L.A. riots. Those were strange times. I remember rumors spreading through our high school that stores near where we were (out here in the suburbs) had been burned or looted. They turned out to be unfounded, though. I remember seeing a plume of smoke on the horizon during a school day and wondering if the rumors were true. People I knew—Korean-Americans, mostly—had friends and family members who took guns to South Central to defend the businesses that their immigrant parents had built up out of little or nothing. It's weird to think that, for me, that was half a lifetime ago.

Anyway, Michelle Malkin has a great post that remembers a few of the heroes from those dark days.

Friday, April 27, 2007

XXX box

Dang, it sounds like somebody had a party in an old time capsule:
There were a few surprises for the University of Washington's Class of 1957 when they opened a time capsule sealed 50 years ago.

Among audiotapes and copies of the yearbook and school newspaper were 1980s-era porn, a condom and some dirty underwear.

[...]

"The good news is that all the things that were in there are still there," said Jerry Baldasty, chairman of the Department of Communication. "The interesting news is that some other things were added."
Hmmmmm...eighties porn in a fifties time capsule? I'd say somebody has some explaining to do.

Ten reasons why it would suck to be, like, eight feet tall

1. Constantly bumping your head into chandeliers.

2. Getting anything off of a bottom shelf.

3. Always having to sit in the front row at the movies. Because sitting in any other row would mean you wouldn't have any legroom. And everybody knows that sitting in the front row at the movies sucks.

4. And then everybody would yell "Down in front!" at you, so you can't win.

5. Shopping at the Big & Tall store. That place has a weird vibe, if you ask me.

6. Your feet would always hang off the end of the bed. And while that might keep your feet cool in the summer, you'd have to wear socks to bed in the winter.

7. You would be a very easy target for snipers. Like the easiest target in any crowd of people. Even most NBA players. And those guys tend to be really tall. I mean, not even Shaq or that really tall Chinese guy is eight feet tall. And they're both pretty damn tall.

8. But, then again, I saw this show on the History Channel about snipers, and it said that snipers take pride in stalking and killing difficult targets, so maybe snipers wouldn't be interested in taking you down if you were such an easy kill.

9. Yeah, I realize that last one wasn't really a reason why it would suck to be, like, eight feet tall. This is my blog, and I can write what I want. So there. Besides, it's pretty late.

10. I give up. I hope you're happy.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The streak

What's weirder than a nude man running around in public? How about a nude man running around in women's shoes?
A man wearing nothing but women's high heels was the cause of a building lockdown by police in downtown McMinnville. The unidentified man was spotted sitting on a bench on the basement floor of a nearly vacant medical building Wednesday afternoon.

After a call to 911 dispatchers, two McMinnville police units responded and were assisted by deputies from the Yamhill County Sheriffs Office and the Oregon State Police. The building was locked down and surrounded, but alas, no naked man.
I'm not exactly sure I'd say that failing to run across a naked dude in high heels is what I'd call an "alas" situation, if you know what I mean.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Discount dentistry

I've always been a firm believer in the idea that you shouldn't necessarily pay for a product or service just because it's the cheapest on the market. Case in point:
A man was held Wednesday on charges that he performed dental work on customers without a license in his "filthy" garage, authorities said. Roger Bean, 60, was arrested Tuesday and held on $6,000 bond.

Bean performed denture fittings and made false teeth in his garage, charging just $200 for a full set of dentures, a procedure that typically costs more than $2,000, authorities said. But he was not licensed to practice in Florida.
Okay, so it doesn't exactly sound like he was performing root canals in his garage, but still...
Palm Beach County Sheriff's detective Don Zumpano said there were "health risks with operating this type of facility outside of your house," adding that Bean's workspace was "filthy."
But let's not let those kind of facts get in the way, folks...
Neighbors and clients, however, praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.

Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal.

"He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."
Could I interest you in my discount heart surgery clinic, Mr. St. Mary? Sure, I do the surgery in my bathtub (which hasn't been cleaned in in a few months) and I'm not licensed to perform medicine by this (or any other) state, but I'm sure you'll find my fees very competitive.

If you want to nominate me for some sort of medal, I'll understand.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

RWI

I guess a designated driver is sort of out of the question when you're riding your horse home from the bar:
An early-morning German bank customer had a bit of a shock when he found a horse already in line at the automatic teller machine in front of him. It seems the horse's owner, identified only as Wolfgang H., had a bit too much to drink the night before and decided to sleep it off inside the bank's heated foyer, police said Tuesday.

The 40-year-old machinist told Bild newspaper he had had "a few beers" with a friend in Wiesenburg, southwest of Berlin, and decided to hit the hay in the bank on his way home.

"It was late, it was already dark and cold," he was quoted as saying.
So, of course, the logical thing to do would be to park your horse inside a bank. Makes sense to me.
When a customer came across the horse and sleeping rider in the bank at 4:15 a.m. Monday, he called police, who then came and woke the owner up and sent him on his way.

No charges were filed, but there might be some cleanup needed: Apparently Sammy made his own after-hours deposit on the carpet.
I'm guessing that since they let him go, the public intoxication laws in Germany are a little less strict than they are here in the States. That, or the cops just couldn't figure out what the hell to do with the horse while Wolfgang sobered up in the drunk tank.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Smoke rage

I can get a little testy sometimes when I don't have any smokes, but this is ridiculous:
A north Idaho man accused of ramming his truck into his estranged wife's home Monday after unsuccessfully demanding that she bring him a cigarette has been arrested, police said. No one was injured.

Eric D. Marienau, 48, of Sandpoint, was jailed for investigation of aggravated assault and driving while intoxicated after Coeur d'Alene police officers were called to his wife's residence in this lakeside resort community.
Wait, he was drunk? Who could've guessed?
Caroline Marienau, who said she's in the process of getting a divorce, said Eric Marienau parked his full-size Chevrolet Silverado pickup truck next to her house about 7 a.m., police said.

He went to the home's fence and began shouting for her to bring him a cigarette, Caroline Marienau told police. She said he began pounding on her front door, telling her if she didn't come outside with a cigarette that he would return with his truck and ram her house.

"Eric returned a minute later and rammed the front of the house near the garage area at a high rate of speed. He then backed up and rammed the front of the house at least two more times," Police Sgt. Christie Wood said. "The impact forced a 1993 Ford Ranger that was parked inside the garage to be propelled approximately four feet through a wall into the interior of the bedroom."
There's no word on whether or not he ever got a cigarette. I'm guessing no.

The naked Nazi

Ain't no party like a naked Hitler party. Until the authorities get there to spoil the fun, that is:
A Canadian man has been arrested after he was found walking around naked with a swastika taped to his body to mark Adolf Hitler's birthday, police said on Friday.

Police in Nanaimo, British Columbia, on Canada's Pacific coast, said they were called to the scene by concerned residents, and the man told them he was "honoring Hitler's birthday." He was detained and will undergo a psychiatric assessment.
That's probably a good idea.

If I ever become famous (or infamous) I'm going to go ahead and request that celebrations of my birthday never include naked dudes. Hell, I think I'll go ahead and request that anyway. Famous or not, no naked guys at celebrations of my birthday, please.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I'm just saying...

You know, I think I'd do just about anything this girl asked me to do. So, if you're that girl, lucky you.

Update: On a slightly weirder note, I must admit that I'm kinda hot for the cartoon chick from those Esurance commercials.

Don't you judge me.

Friday, April 20, 2007

TGIF'nF

So, it was cold and rainy all day, the dog took a crap in the living room, and the alternator on my car died. I was able to get it to a garage on the other side of town, but it won't be ready until tomorrow, so I spent the afternoon sitting in front of a drugstore, chain smoking like a homeless person until I could get a ride home--I stupidly forgot to bring a book with me, so I had nothing better to do. But, other than that, yay Friday!

If I were what my mom used to quaintly refer to as a "doper," I would doubtlessly be high as a kite right now, which I guess would be appropriate today. I guess I'll have to settle for a jug of Val-U-Rite vodka, though.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Well, duh

So, it turns out that if you're really drunk in a poorly-lit, smoke-filled bar or club, sitting relatively far away from an unattractive person, you might misjudge how good-looking he or she actually is. No, really. Scientists proved it, with a formula and everything!

(Via Allahpundit at Hot Air.)

Dead precedent

Great job, there counselors:
A Malaysian judge scolded government prosecutors for filing a corruption charge against a policeman who died two years ago, a news report said Thursday.

Sessions Court Judge Noradidah Ahmad, who was presiding over a bribery case, was surprised Wednesday when she noticed court documents stating that one of two policemen accused in the case had died after a stroke in 2005, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

"We do not have to include a dead man in the charge. Dead people cannot testify," Noradidah was quoted as saying by the newspaper. "It's 2007 now, surely the prosecution had time to amend the charge. It is not as if he died yesterday."
I wonder if they didn't notice that the guy had kicked the bucket, they forgot, or they were just too lazy to amend the charges.
Officials familiar with the case in the Kuala Lumpur Sessions Court and the Anti-Corruption Agency, which filed the charge, could not immediately be contacted for comment.
You don't say.
Sankara Nair, a prominent Malaysian lawyer, said he agreed "you cannot charge a dead man."

"When a person dies, the charge dies with him," Nair told the AP.
Well, that's good to know. If I ever find myself dead in Malaysia, I can rest assured that I won't be on the hook for any prison time.
Prosecutors said they would consider amending the charge to exclude Che Amil from the case, the New Straits Times added.
Yeah. That would probably be a good idea.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Pickled

Breaking a record is usually something to be proud of, but in this case, not so much:
A Woodinville woman arrested following two car crashes last week registered a .47 blood-alcohol content on a breath test _ nearly six times the legal intoxication threshold and possibly a state record.

Deana F. Jarrett, 54, was taken to Evergreen Hospital as a precaution following her arrest April 11, the Washington State Patrol said Wednesday. No one was injured in the accidents.

Jarrett blew the .47 on a portable breath tester after she collided with two other vehicles in quick succession, the patrol said. A check of all 356,000 breath tests administered since 1998 in Washington turned up only 35 above .40 _ and none of those was higher than .45.
I guess she ought to be glad just to be alive. Between the car crashes and the probable alcohol poisoning, she's lucky not to be pushing up daisies. On the other hand, she probably wouldn't have needed any embalming fluid, so her family could have saved some money there.

I guess there always is a silver lining.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Monkey business

Now, I've never been one to transport large (or any) amounts of narcotics in my car, but if I was, I'd make damn sure that I wasn't obviously breaking any rules of the road. I'd make sure my lights were all working, that I'd stick close to the speed limit, that I would use my turn signals when making a turn or a lane change, and that my view out of the windshield wasn't obscured by a giant, stuffed monkey.
A trooper driving down Interstate 40 near Forrest City on Monday spotted a truck with much of its windshield blocked by a large, stuffed monkey, authorities said. When the trooper pulled over the driver, he could smell what he suspected to be marijuana and he searched the vehicle, police said.

Police said the trooper found more than 2,100 hydrocodone pills, 70 Xanax pills and 85 Soma pills.

The driver, Tonya Rachelle Garner, 35, and passenger, Dennis Ray Garner, 34, both of Willis, Texas, were each charged with several counts of possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver. Tonya Garner also faces a charge of driving with an obstructed view.
Somehow, I doubt that last charge is costing her quite as much sleep as the others.

Good news, for a change

Sigh. You can just smell the CAIR lawsuit coming over this:
Muslim cab drivers at Minnesota's biggest airport will face new penalties including a two-year revocation of their taxi permits if they refuse to give rides to travelers carrying liquor or accompanied by dogs, the board overseeing operations ruled Monday.

The Metropolitan Airports Commission, responding to complaints about the liquor issue, voted unanimously to impose the new penalties beginning in May.

A large number of taxi drivers in the area of the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport are Muslim Somali immigrants. Many say they feel the faith's ban on alcohol consumption includes transporting anyone carrying it.

Some also have refused to transport dogs, both pets and guide dogs, saying they are unclean.
Um, is it just me, or isn't it illegal to refuse to transport people with guide dogs?
The new rules cover any driver who refuses a ride for unwarranted reasons, including those who refuse to take short-haul passengers in favor of more lucrative longer trips. They can still refuse fares for certain reasons, including threats to their safety.

Under the new regulations a first offense would result in a 30-day cab license suspension and a second in a two-year taxi license revocation.
Good. I'm all for religious tolerance, but we have to draw a line somewhere. And when religious tolerance has to bend to religious intolerance, that's never a good thing. And if, say, Hindu cab drivers were refusing to carry Muslim passengers, you can guess what the reaction would be from the likes of CAIR and other Muslim groups, and rightly so.

Besides, this way, the cab drivers will be taking on more fares, so that's more money for them. Everybody wins!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Duck!

This story probably wouldn't be all that remarkable except for one thing—Mr. Peepers. With him involved, it becomes a sort of wacky caper. Well, probably not for the person who got seriously hurt. But otherwise, kind of a slapstick farce.
A Seattle man has been charged with a slew of crimes that involved an alleged shoplifting, assaults and a pet duck named Mr. Peepers. Snohomish County Deputy Prosecutor Paul Stern on Thursday charged Kenneth Blaine Quinlan, 35, with two counts of third-degree assault and one count each of vehicular assault and hit-and-run.

Authorities say that on March 23, Quinlan and his 39-year-old girlfriend drove to a Lynnwood shopping center, where he entered a Linens 'n Things outlet and she went into a Petco store, taking the duck with her.

Stern wrote in court papers that a security guard thought he saw Quinlan shoplift an iPod speaker system, and a scuffle ensued.

Police say the guard chased Quinlan to the Petco store, where Quinlan got the car keys from his girlfriend and tried to escape.

The man jumped into the driver's seat of the car as the woman walked out of the store with her duck. Not knowing what was going on, she tried to stop him from driving away and was knocked down by the open car door as it backed up. She dropped the duck.

A Petco employee saw what was happening and "ran to save Peepers from the front of the car" just as Quinlan drove forward, Stern wrote. The car ran over the woman, inflicting serious injuries including broken bones in her foot and ankle, he said.
Thankfully, Mr. Peepers, the girlfriend, and the security guard were okay.

Oh, and would you be surprised if I told you that drugs were involved?
Quinlan was being held in the Snohomish County Jail in lieu of $25,000 bail. A convicted felon and former heroin addict, he told officers that he'd just received a dose of methadone at a Lynnwood clinic and had used cocaine a few days earlier, according to court papers.
Yeah, I didn't think so.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Gob-smackingly vile

Oh. My. God. Nobody tell Excitable Andy about this egrigious violation of Muslims' Civil Rights, or his head would probably explode:
A Dutch police station trying to help Muslim detainees face Mecca for their prayers painted arrows in cells pointing in the wrong direction.

The Segbroek police station in The Hague borrowed the idea of putting compass marks on ceilings from an Amsterdam hotel, the Dutch daily De Telegraaf reported on Friday.

Muslims pray five times a day, facing east in the direction of Mecca. But the arrows in Segbroek pointed west.

"This is a really gigantic, stupid blunder," a police spokesman told the De Telegraaf.
I think that's an understatement, considering the fact that this is the new Abu Ghraib. Plus Gitmo. And given Karl Rove's probable, nay, obvious involvement in this war crime, we can hope to see Congressional hearings about this soon.

Ouch

NRO's John Podhoretz rips ABC's Terry Moran a new one over his stupid post on the Duke lacrosse players from the other day. His conclusion:
Maybe Terry Moran should get someone to plagiarize his blog items, the way Katie Couric did. They'd be a whole lot better.
That's gonna leave a mark.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Hot Air bleg

Is anybody else having trouble with getting the main page at Hot Air to load properly? It normally has two columns, but on my computer, only the left-hand column ("Top Picks") loads.

Update: Nevermind. It seems to be loading just fine now.

Imagine the heart-ache

This incident could have been a lot worse. See if you can guess where I'm going here:
A jail guard has been suspended after allegedly thumping an inmate with a Bible.

James Lee Sheppard, 56, has been charged with two gross misdemeanors for allegedly swatting a Blue Earth County Jail inmate with the book, grabbing him by the throat and slamming him against steel bars on Feb. 8, according to the criminal complaint.

A video shows a guard entering the cell of inmate Jeremy Hansen, 26. The guard then takes Hansen's Bible and strikes him in the side of the face with the book. The two exchange words as the guard walks away, said Mankato Police Officer Allen Schmidt who watched the video.
That's right. Imagine if, instead of Jeremy Hansen, the inmate had been, say, Jamal Hussein. Andrew Sullivan and the rest of the chorus of the perpetually indignant would be having fits about the guard being a "Christianist" thug. CAIR would be suing the Blue Earth County Jail for racial discrimination. It would be the new Abu Ghraib.

In other words, we'd never hear the end of it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

In her "own" words

Well, here's some more of that legendary CBS News credibility:
"CBS Evening News" anchor Katie Couric may vividly recall her first library card, but the network says she was unaware that her online video essay about the virtues of libraries was largely a work of plagiarism.

CBS News said this week the April 4 installment of "Katie Couric's Notebook" consisted mostly of passages lifted verbatim from a Wall Street Journal column by Jeffrey Zaslow that was published in March.

The producer responsible for Couric's piece was fired on Monday night, hours after the Journal contacted CBS News to complain, network spokeswoman Sandy Genelius said on Tuesday.

The essay was immediately removed from the CBS News Web site, and a correction was posted in its place. The network did not identify the producer who was fired.
Well, at least we know it wasn't Mary Mapes.
Although the text for the minute-long video was written in first person -- introduced by Couric with the line, "I still remember when I got my first library card" -- Couric did not compose the piece herself and was unaware that much of it was plagiarized, Genelius said.

"She was stunned, and very upset," Genelius said on Wednesday. "It's the same reaction we all had."
I guess I'd be upset, too, if I'd been made to look like a fool by going on camera and reading an essay somebody else had written as if it was my own work. Oh, wait, she was doing that anyway. She just didn't realize that it was plagiarized from a third person.
Genelius said Couric met with a group of producers weekly to discuss upcoming topics for her "Notebook" video essays, and "she does write some of them herself."
Well, isn't that special?

(Via Fark.)

The most pressing legal issue of our time

Are you a stoner who's got a little too much time on your hands? If so, why not try to get justice for the drug-bloated corpse of an overrated singer?
Two fans have asked Florida to pardon rock bad-boy Jim Morrison, the late lead singer for The Doors, who was convicted of exposing himself during a Miami concert nearly 40 years ago.

The two men, Kerry Humpherys of Utah and David Diamond of Ohio, sent a letter to Florida Gov. Charlie Crist last month asking him to issue a full pardon to Morrison on two misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and using profanity.

"I'm a big Doors fan. There are thousands of Doors fans out there who look up to Jim Morrison. It was all trumped up and he shouldn't have this hanging over him," said Humpherys, who runs a Doors fan magazine. [my emphasis]
Um, Kerry, the man's been dead for nearly forty years. I don't think it really matters to him anymore.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The marrying man

Who would've thought having multiple wives could be so complicated?
A Saudi man lost a bit of his nose in a joint assault by his two wives after he jokingly threatened to marry a third woman.

Judaie Ibn Salem had thought his threat would help resolve an argument over dividing up his house.
Right. Because threatening to marry someone else is a surefire way to provoke a rational response from a woman. Or, in this case, two of them.
"I swore that I would do it because ... they were impolite and that's when I came under an even bigger attack," Ibn Salem told Shams newspaper after having seven stitches inserted.

"I never realized they would get so worked up. But the only way to restore my dignity is really to take a third wife."
Uh, I'm not really sure that's such a hot idea. Sounds like he's having trouble enough with just the two of them.
"I don't know what I'm going to lose next if I do that."
I think you can see where he's going with that.

Monday, April 09, 2007

I'm sure all his other personalities voted for him

Gee, I wonder why this guy never wins elections. Oh yeah, it's because he's nuttier than a fruitcake.
An eccentric 78-year-old inventor who was thwarted in his fourth attempt to become governor of Tokyo was undaunted, saying he plans to run 16 more times and will win by outliving his opponents, local media said Monday. "I'm going to live to 144, so I'm still only middle-aged. I can run for Tokyo governor 16 more times," the Sports Hochi newspaper quoted Yoshiro Nakamatsu as saying.

"In that time, all the others will die off, so I will be elected," added Nakamatsu, the self-proclaimed inventor of the floppy disk and the oldest candidate in the race. Nakamatsu came fifth in Sunday's election, which gave 74-year-old Shintaro Ishihara his third term as Tokyo governor.
Uh, I hate to break it to you, Methuselah, but there's a flaw in your plan. You see, there are going to be other people who will run in the future, not just the same guys you think you can wait out.
Ishihara won 2.8 million votes, according to national broadcaster NHK's Web site, while Nakamatsu got 85,946, or 1.6 percent of the total.
That's actually not too bad for a crazy person. I guess that was because of his platform, which was actually, well, half sane.
Nakamatsu had promised to lower taxes and safeguard Tokyo's 12.6 million residents from missile attacks with an invention that would make North Korean missiles do a U-turn.
As any good liberal will tell you, tax cuts are just plain bad policy. What was he thinking?

Friday, April 06, 2007

Dirty dentist

I'm not a huge fan of going to the dentist, but I'm really glad I've never been to this dentist:
A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears.

A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who routinely did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of "himself, staff and patients" for more than 28 years.

A dental nurse who worked for Hutchinson for 16 years said she had caught him urinating in the sink more than once.

"He was tucking something into his trousers before zipping them up hastily. I walked over and I was behind him. He moved to the left and I could smell urine," the nurse told the tribunal.

The tribunal determined that the dentist's poor hygiene habits made him unfit to practice and struck him off the dental register, banning him from work.
Well, I should hope so. I want to know how this slob was able to get away with this kind of nastiness for so long. If he was doing this kind of thing for nearly thirty years, he probably infected a bunch of people with who knows what. And the weird thing is, it sounds like he was doing all of this on purpose, the sick bastard.

A late-night haiku you don't want to read (with the obligatory seasonal reference)

Like a soft Spring rain,
A pungent reminder of
The asparagus.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Voter apathy

This guy must feel like a dumbass. An unpopular dumbass, at that.
Joe Selle didn't exactly get voted out office this week, but he wasn't re-elected, either.

Selle, who was running unopposed for [Missouri City, MO] City Council, didn't get any votes at all. Not even one from himself.

Selle, 42, said he simply forgot that Tuesday was election day, and apparently so did Ward 3's other 34 registered voters.

The result was zero votes cast in Selle's race, but the city charter lets him keep the seat unless someone else is "successfully elected and qualified," the city attorney said.

Selle, a professional musician, was recently appointed to fill a council vacancy and had been seeking a full term.

He said he saw other residents at the school where the voting was held, "but it never occurred to me that's what they were there for."
The people of Missouri City must be just thrilled that they're being represented by someone who couldn't even remember to vote for himself on election day. That's not exactly the kind of guy I'd want making sure that the potholes get filled and the traffic lights work.

Lady looks like A dude 3: Son of lady looks like a dude

Last week, I wrote about a case where a guy who was accused of the statutory rape of a teen girl turned out to be a woman. Well, it looks like some other broad had the same idea.
The "boyfriend" of a 14-year-old girl who lived with her and her family for more than a year was actually a 30-year-old woman, police said.

Lorelei Corpuz posed as a 17-year-old orphan to gain the family's trust, then beat and molested the teen, police allege.

Corpuz was charged with two counts of third-degree child rape and one count of third-degree child molestation and was being held in lieu of $150,000 bail. Everett Police Sgt. Robert Goetz said he didn't know whether Corpuz had a lawyer.

Police said Corpuz was found out Sunday after an officer checked the suspect's vehicle, parked at an Everett gas station, to see whether it was stolen. The officer arrested Corpuz after the check pulled up an outstanding traffic warrant under an alias, Mark Villanueva.

The 14-year-old also was in the vehicle, and the officer, who recognized Corpuz from an earlier arrest, asked the girl how she knew the suspect.

"She indicated it was her boyfriend," Everett police Sgt. Robert Goetz said. "That obviously piqued the concern of the officer."

Officer Don de Nevens wrote in a probable cause statement that although Corpuz had sexual contact with the girl, "the suspect never let victim see her/his private parts and victim always thought that suspect was male until officer informed her otherwise."

The two met at a mall in September 2005, police said, and the suspect told the girl that his mother had died of cancer and that his father committed suicide. They talked on the phone and went on a date, and soon her family let him move in.

"They were all surprised that this individual was not who she said she was, both in name and sex," Goetz said Wednesday.
I've seen some youthful-looking thirty-year-old women, but none that looked like a seventeen-year-old boy. And why would the girl's parents let "him" move in with them? I mean, what did they think was going to happen when their daughter's older "boyfriend" moved in with them? These must have been some pretty stupid and/or naive people.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

When the difference between left and right is very important

I'm not a litigious person, but oh, hells yeah, I'd be suing, too:
An Air Force veteran has filed a federal claim after an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells. It also was atrophied and painful.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle, according to medical records and the claim, which seeks $200,000 for future care and unspecified damages. He still hasn't had the other testicle removed.
On the bright side, the Chief of Staff for the Greater Los Angeles VA system formally apologized to Houghton and his wife. Somehow, I just don't that's going to be good enough, though.

Come on weekend



From the guy who brought us the video about our most badass President. There's more of his stuff here, but be forewarned that there's some salty language.

Update: The George Washington video I linked to in my earlier post was removed, but you can see it at this link.

Beating the rap

Maybe it's just me, but the Thai prison system seems kinda weird. I mean, when you beat somebody else up in an American prison, you get in trouble, but over there...
Thai inmate Samson Sor Siriporn boosted her chances of freedom by beating Japan's Ayaka Miyano to win the vacant women's WBC light-flyweight title at the notorious "Bangkok Hilton" prison Tuesday.

Under the gaze of dozens of prison guards, Siriporn, a convicted drugs dealer, battled through the unforgiving Thai heat to score a unanimous points victory and kick-start parole proceedings for her early release.

"I've been in jail for a long time now, I hope this will see me released early," said Siriporn, flanked by mean-looking guards and surrounded by photographers.

"When I'm free I'll carry on fighting. I want to fight all over the world."

Fighting in a makeshift ring in the grounds of the infamous Klong Prem prison with the Thai crowd chanting "fight, fight," Siriporn was on the attack from the start and repeatedly forced Miyano on to the ropes with a barrage of punches.

The intense afternoon heat took its toll on Miyano, who twice fell to the canvas as a result of Siriporn's relentless attacks, which drew rapturous applause from the few thousand prison staff, factory workers and taxi drivers who flocked to see her fight for freedom.
So, she wins a boxing match, and that gets her out of prison? I guess you could say she was extra motivated. There were some other unusual details at the fight as well:
Siriporn's sparring partners also watched the fight, while glamorous transvestites in high heels and skimpy outfits were allowed out of their cells to parade around the ring with placards at the beginning of each round.
Uhhhh...okay. Anyway, she became the first prisoner ever to win a world boxing title, and she's going to get out of prison three years early as a result. I hear on the outside, the ring girls are actually female.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Idiots reproduce

The bad news is, I see a very difficult life in store for this poor little girl. The good news? Well, I guess the fact that white trash isn't solely an American phenomenon might qualify as good news:
Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their 6-month-old child after the legendary rock band.

"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."

Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word "metal."
Not to mention that it's an incredibly stupid name for a little girl. Naming your pets after your favorite bands is one thing, but saddling a human being with a name like that is just cruel.

Monday, April 02, 2007

That's not helping

I've never been busted for a DUI, but if it happened, I'd make damn sure I showed up for my court date stone cold sober. Thus guy? Not so much:
A man who arrived at court drunk for a drunken-driving hearing was again charged with driving under the influence, police said.

Paul H. Zeigler, 45, of Glen Rock, appeared at a preliminary hearing at the Shrewsbury district court on March 26 for a DUI charge from December.

Police said Zeigler appeared to be intoxicated at the hearing, according to police records.

After his court appearance, Zeigler failed a portable breath test for alcohol and was taken into custody for a blood test, police said.
It turns out the dumbass drove to court, too, so he got another DUI. Hopefully, they'll be revoking his license.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Fantasyland

While Rick Moran is struck dumb by some lefty idiot's vision of a country ruled these last six years by the wise and just Manbearpig, well, me, I've got a song in my heart:
One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning
Down the track came a hobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning
I'm headin for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountains
So come with me we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs
The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay
Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks
I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Rock Candy Mountains
Of course, Manbearpig (with the help of Sandy "Socks" Berger) would've prevented 9/11, persuaded Saddam to be nice without any nasty, bellicose sabre-rattling, and there probably wouldn't be any more more global warming, either! If only they'd counted the votes a few more times, why, just think of it! Seriously, read the whole thing to see just how wonderful life could've been.

(Via Allahpundit.)