I just lost my appetite

I like Chinese food as much as the next person, but I have my limits. Those limits most definitely include things like this:

The dish in front of me is grey and shiny.

"Russian dog," says my waitress Nancy.

"Big dog," I reply.

"Yes," she says. "Big dog's penis..."

We are in a cosy restaurant in a dark street in Beijing but my appetite seems to have gone for a stroll outside.

Nancy has brought out a whole selection of delicacies.

They are draped awkwardly across a huge platter, with a crocodile carved out of a carrot as the centrepiece.

Nestling beside the dog's penis are its clammy testicles, and beside that a giant salami-shaped object.

"Donkey," says Nancy. "Good for the skin..."

I don't care if it's going to give me heat vision, Nancy, much less good skin. I am not going to eat any kind of penis.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Click on that link, by the way, for some horrifying pictures and plenty more descriptions of awful, awful things you can order at Nancy's evil restaurant.

Update: Is this place Jade Garden? After all, "they put mega ding dongs in their food!"