Well, folks, it's time once again to do your civic duty. But right now, I'd like to give an extra-special message to the kids. So, adults, go ahead and vote while I give this special pep-talk to the young folks. Thanks.
Okay, punks, listen up. I don't know what a bunch of aging idiot rock stars have told you on the MTV—voting isn't cool. It's done in elementary school auditoriums, libraries, and weird people's garages. When does anything cool ever happen in those places? And when was civic duty ever cool?
Look at it this way: I've voted in every election since I turned 18, and there aren't a whole lot of people clamoring to tell me how cool I am. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not really that cool. Is it because I vote? Who knows. But you don't want to take that chance, do you?
What I'm saying, kids, is that you should leave the voting up to the "squares" with jobs and bills to pay and such. If you stay at home smoking pot, eating Pringles, and playing video games, I'm sure the gears of the Republic won't grind to a halt. Take the day off. You. uh, deserve it. Yeah.
Unless you plan on voting Republican, which, I guess, is okay. Knock yourselves out.
To the rest of you non-youngsters, as they say in Chicago, vote early and vote often!
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