Twins for sale

Having trouble coming up with the perfect present for that special someone this Christmas? Well, how about a pair of used funbags?

Porn star Mary Carey, who shot to fame by running for California governor against Arnold Schwarzenegger, unveiled plans on Tuesday to auction off her autographed, recently removed breast implants for charity.

Carey said the size 36-D implants were taken out two weeks ago and replaced with larger 36-DDDs and while under anesthesia she realized they could be used to raise money for breast cancer research.

"The doctors asked me what I wanted to do with them and I said, 'You know what, I'm going to keep them and try to sell them. Because my grandmother had breast cancer," Carey told Reuters in an interview.

Well, at least it's for a good cause.

The 27-year-old star of such adult films as "Boobsville Sorority Girls" and "Big Breasted Beauties" will be seen in the upcoming VH1 reality show "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew" and said that during taping she kicked addictions to the anti-anxiety drug Xanax and alcohol.

Did you ever notice that most of the time, when a show has the word "celebrity" in its title, it usually denotes a production featuring people like porn stars, losing contestants from reality shows, and washed-up sitcom actors or pop stars? And this one sounds like more of the same. Sorry about the tangent. Back to the auction...

"Now that I'm sober I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state," Carey said. "I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and make sure someone out there would have a Mary Mary Christmas."

The autographed implants have been placed on eBay and Carey, whose real name is Mary Cook, said she planned to donate some 90 percent of the proceeds to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

She intends to use the rest of the money on medical bills for her mother, who suffered major injuries after jumping off a four-story building in 2006.

"I'm actually overall very anti-plastic surgery," Carey said. "I watched my mom go through 11 surgeries (for her injuries) and it's like, for me to voluntarily put myself through that, the only right thing to do is make money and donate it to charity."

I don't really see how someone who is "very anti-plastic surgery," keeps getting bigger and bigger fake boobs, but perhaps that's just a failing of my imagination.