You can't make this stuff up

I've read a lot of pretentious crap in my day, and music criticism is certainly a fertile field for that sort of thing. But this review, which I came across earlier today, really takes the cake. I mean, really. Here's a sample:

Recorded with Steve Albini, the nonet that is Godspeed has issued its most mysterious recording yet. The sound over these three long cuts, like all of the band's recordings, develops slowly over time and creates layers of dynamic tension that expresses itself in waves and off-kilter, shimmering flows. Usually these elements resolve themselves in earth- and ear-shattering, dissonant intensity that leaves the listener emotionally drained -- especially live. But here, a more minimal and -- dare I say -- quiet approach is used. For over 75 minutes, no "found" voices are wafting through the mix like displaced ghosts at a musical inquiry into the nature of mass control and fascism. [my emphasis]

Give yourself a pat on the back, Thom Jurek, you magnificent bastard. If they gave a Pulitzer specifically for pretentious music reviews, you'd be a shoo-in.

If I didn't know any better (I have a friend who had some stuff from this band, "Montreal politico-art/music terrorist unit Godspeed You Black Emperor!") I'd think this was a parody.

By the way: Make sure to check out the track titles for some unintentional "politico-art/music terrorist" comedy gold. I'm guessing their influences included a hip, anti-establishment art teacher, possibly of the high school variety.