911, it turns out, is not a joke

What do you do when you can't get a refund on an unopened box of condoms? Well, if you're an ordinary, level-headed person, you grudgingly take them home and hope you'll have a reason to use them sometime in the near future. If, on the other hand, you're a mouth breathing, sub-moronic dumbass, you do something like this:

A 21-year-old Blauvelt man who was refused a refund for a box of condoms called 911 and falsely reported a robbery, giving police a suspect description of the gas station clerk who denied the refund, Englewood police said.

City of Englewood police who responded to the scene on Saturday morning said it turned out that Kadien Jackson called them only because he wanted to get a refund for the unopened box of condoms he had bought at the Getty Gas station on Route 4 East the day before.

Jackson, of 428 Greenbush Road, called police on his cellphone around 9:45 a.m. to report that he had been robbed, police said.

The cops, it turns out, take a rather dim view of such shenanigans, and charged him with a felony for making a false 911 call and a misdemeanor for filing a false police report. Hope it was worth it, jackass.