Booze news from our least Moron-friendly state

If you enjoy sweet, fruity beverages like Smirnoff Ice or Zima, well, you're probably a douche or a girl. But if you live in Utah and you enjoy sweet, fruity beverages like Smirnoff Ice or Zima, you're about to be a thirsty, unsatisfied douche or girl:

On Wednesday, Utah will be the only state to ban the sale of fruity alcoholic drinks at grocery stores and convenience stores in an effort to keep them from minors. Those drinks also must have new state-approved labels on the front of the product that contain capitalized letters in bold type telling consumers the drinks contain alcohol and at what percentage.

So far, no new labels have been approved. Utah Department of Alcholic Beverage Control spokeswoman Sharon Mackay said the state's limited supply of those drinks will likely be gone in a few weeks.

Flavored malt beverages are already sold in state liquor stores, but they have a higher alcohol content than what has been allowed in grocery stores. They also have the same labels found in the rest of the country.

Some manufacturers have already decided it's not worth it to produce new labels just for Utah.

"Thanks to the Legislature, Smirnoff Ice is no longer available in Utah," said Zsoka McDonald, spokeswoman for Diageo, one of the world's largest multinational beer, wine and spirits firms. "It's just not cost effective."

What a tragedy. Now all those Utah residents who enjoy that swill are going to have to start drinking beer or wine or actual liquor. Or find a way to ferment Sprite, I guess. Yeah, that's the ticket. Someone could make a lot of money on black market bathtub Zima.