Something's amiss in Santa's Village

Get ready for your kids receiving a bunch of voodoo dolls as stocking stuffers on Christmas morning, because it looks like the elves have turned to the dark side:

Alaska State Troopers are puzzled by a gruesome discovery in the city of North Pole: 26 headless chickens carefully arranged at a coop.

Police say the fly-infested carcasses found Monday were arranged in a 12- to 15-foot-long line pattern that ended in a circle. There was no sign of the missing heads.

Of course the heads are missing. The head priest needs the heads for some sort of ritual necklace. Or so I've been told by black and white movies starring Abbott & Costello.

Actually, "Abbott & Costello Meet the Voodoo Elves" would be a pretty awesome movie, if they made it today. Back then, the special effects would have totally sucked. Plus, Luke Wilson would play Bud Abbott and Kevin James would play Lou Costello!

Oh, God, the modern world is fucking awful.