Your rights end at my eyes

I have long maintained that the kind of people who like to be nude in public are almost always the last people you'd actually like to see without clothes on, and a loophole in an Oregon law may take care of that:

In a state where men have legally strolled the streets in nothing but tennis shoes and Portland hosts an annual naked bike ride, nudists appeared at the Oregon Legislature on Monday -- clothed -- to ask lawmakers not to let their lifestyle get wrapped up in an effort to regulate strip clubs.

Okay, if they're so committed to the nudist lifestyle, why did they feel the need to cover up in front of their elected officials? Oh, yeah, because it's inappropriate to appear in certain public places (by which I mean just about any public places) without wearing fucking clothes, now, isn't it?

The battle over bare skin renews familiar debates about balancing freedom with neighborhood standards in a state known for its liberal protections of free speech -- and nude expression.

Nudist advocates testified against a bill that would ask voters to change free-speech protections in the state constitution to let communities keep strip clubs out of neighborhoods. But, nudists warn, that might unintentionally allow cities to outlaw nude recreation.

And why shouldn't communities be allowed to do that? If you and a majority of your fellow citizens would like to live in a town where you're not forced to look at your neighbor's dong every time he walks out to water the plants or get his mail? If I decide that I don't want to use the toilet anymore and want to start pooping in the front yard, do I have the right to do that, too? Is that not "poop expression"?

"We want to protect our rights," said John Kinman, past president of the American Association for Nude Recreation, which has joined the American Civil Liberties Union in opposing the measure.

But of course. The ACLU is involved. Who could have seen that coming? Oh, and how about the property rights of people who would like to sell their house someday and have to explain to prospective buyers that they'll be living next to people who enjoy airing out their genitals while jogging?

Debates over nudity have a familiar history in Oregon, where the City of Ashland last year banned public nudity after two men walked naked near public schools.

There was a FUCKING DEBATE after something like that happened? What the hell? Was the debate about how many years in prison the two men sex offenders would be sentenced to?

In Portland, the annual World Naked Bike Ride has attracted thousands to protest oil dependence.

Yeah, I think the oil protest was kind of secondary to a bunch of exhibitionists who wanted to show their naughty bits to the people of Portland.

(Cross-posted at doubleplusundead.)