Happy New Year, Kim Jong Il!

What do you get for the delusional despot who has everything? Well, how about the destruction of an imaginary structure?

North Korea's New Year's wish of seeing the destruction of a massive concrete wall dividing the Korean peninsula never seems to come true -- mostly because there is no such barrier.

Mentioning the wall by the North has been an odd New Year tradition begun by state founder Kim Il-sung and kept alive by a fawning propaganda machine that dares not correct a person revered as a deity. Kim died 15 years ago and is considered the state's "eternal president."

The Korean peninsula is divided by a 4-km wide Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) with razor wire fences on the North and South side, but with no huge, concrete barrier as claimed by the North.

But that did not stop North Korea's ruling party newspaper on Wednesday from coming out with its demand that the wall be demolished because "it runs diametrically counter to the desire and demand of the nation and the trend of the times."

In related news, a local demolition firm founded by a family of leprechauns, a unicorn, the Ghost of Christmas Past, several executives from companies involved in the development of herbal penis-enlargement remedies, and Sasquatch have provided Kim with "a very reasonable estimate" for work on the project.