We're gonna need about this size boat

I've lived in California all of my life, but I've never been a fan of the ocean, which is something that some of my younger Midwestern relatives can't seem to fathom (get it?). Why not? Because of stuff like this:

Twenty-nine-year-old Jason Kresse (KRES'-ee) of Freeport says he and two crew members were dumping fish guts in the Gulf of Mexico about 3:45 a.m. Monday when they heard splashes in the distance and then something hit the side of their 25-foot boot.

A shark in an apparent rush to feed had jumped into the back and was thrashing around. Kresse says the crew couldn't get close to the 375-pound fish to toss it back in the water.

See, when you're sitting in your car at a traffic light or standing on a street corner, it's extremely rare to have a nearly 400 pound monster lunge at you from out of nowhere.

Also, there really isn't any reason to be carrying fish guts around with you on dry land, and I'm okay with that.