Monday, June 11, 2007

Old spice

Sexy poses, near nudity, helping a charity--hey, sounds good, right?
Giving sultry looks and sexy smiles to the camera, 12 Pittsburgh-area women recently posed at Monongahela historical sites, baring it all -- or almost all -- to create a charity-driven calendar. The catch?
Wait, there's a catch?
The nearly nude ladies are all in their 70s and 80s, driven to adventure by a desire to raise money for a historical society in Monongahela, a small community 17 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.
Gah! The goggles, they do nothing!

The blind leading the stupid

Hey, I'm all for hiring people with disabilities, but in this case, it doesn't sound like such a good idea:
A Chinese court has jailed two officials after they let a blind contractor build a bridge which collapsed during construction and injured 12 people, the official Xinhua news agency said Monday.

Huang Wenge, township head of Bujia in the southeastern province of Jiangxi, and colleague Xia Jianzhong were sentenced to 18 months and one year in jail, respectively, for not stopping the project, Xinhua said.

"Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong, who were in charge of road management and supervision, did not ask the contractors to provide certificates guaranteeing their proficiency," it said, citing the court ruling.
Certificates guaranteeing proficiency would be good. You know what would be even better? The ability to actually see the bridge that you're building.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Oh, dear God

This is just six kinds of disgusting:
Animal control officers wearing protective suits and air packs rescued 47 cats from a house filled with feces that in some areas was half a foot deep.

Two kittens were found dead in the one-story house in Martinsburg, said Melissa Susko, director of PIGS Animal Sanctuary in neighboring Jefferson County, which helped remove the cats from the house Thursday.

"They were just in a pile of feces," Susko said.

One pile of cat feces was about 3 feet wide. In other areas, the feces was 3 inches to 6 inches deep, said E.N. Webber of the Berkeley County Animal Control office.

"We were slipping and sliding in there. It was pretty bad," said Star Silva of the Promise Animal League, which also helped remove the cats.

Animal control officers went to the house in response to complaints from neighbors about odors.

Berkley County sheriff's Chief Deputy Kenny Lemaster said authorities were looking for the house's owner, who was not identified. No charges have been filed.
I'm guessing there was probably some kind of crazy cat-hoarding lady involved. Yep, that sounds about right.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Happiness is...

...a big-ass silver trophy.

Seriously, this is great for Andy, who's been a true-blue Ducks fan since the beginning, even when they sucked. Now he knows how this felt for me, when it finally happened.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Burge in '08

Iowahawk throws his hat into the ring and lays out a campaign platform that I think I can get behind. Take a gander at his thoughts on foreign policy:
With our nation facing challenges from extremists and madmen around the globe, Americans are asking serious questions of the presidential field. Questions like, "does this candidate have the mature, thoughtful, and sober judgment to lead us through the threats that confront us?" And, "if necessary, is this candidate capable of doubling down on the crazy stakes to scare our enemies shitless?"

Ask anyone who knows, and they will tell you: when sober, Dave Burge has the mature, thoughtful judgement called for in 50 to 60% of foreign policy situations. These same people will also tell you that after eight or ten Jager shots, all bets are off. And let this be a notice to America's enemies: President Dave ain't gonna put no padlock on the Oval Office liquor cabinet.
If that doesn't get your vote, I don't know what will.

(Via Dan Collins, writing at protein wisdom, whose blog host would make a fine Veep, if you asked me.)

Kid stuff

Ah, an alcoholic beverage that can be sold to kids. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Dutch students have developed powdered alcohol which they say can be sold legally to minors.

The latest innovation in inebriation, called Booz2Go, is available in 20-gramme packets that cost 1-1.5 euros ($1.35-$2).

Top it up with water and you have a bubbly, lime-colored and -flavored drink with just 3 percent alcohol content.
Okay, so it's not exactly strong stuff, but it's cheap, so the kiddies can get their mitts on plenty of the stuff.
"We are aiming for the youth market. They are really more into it because you can compare it with Bacardi-mixed drinks," 20-year-old Harm van Elderen told Reuters.

[...]

"Because the alcohol is not in liquid form, we can sell it to people below 16," said project member Martyn van Nierop.

The legal age for drinking alcohol and smoking is 16 in the Netherlands.
Imagine the shrieks of protest if someone in America said something like that. "They're selling poison to children! On purpose!"

Operation Overlord



Sixty-three years ago today, these men were fighting and dying to free Europe from tyranny. Spare a thought for them, as well as the men and women serving us today, as you go about your business today. I think I'll watch some of this later tonight.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hard case

I don't think this is the kind of boost the guy was looking for:
A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods, of Manhattan, said he bought the nutrition beverage, which is made by the Novartis pharmaceutical company, at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.
Heh. "Woods."

Sorry, that's just how my mind works.
Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment of the condition, called severe priapism. They say Woods, 29, underwent surgery for implantation of a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

The lawsuit, filed late Monday, says Woods later had problems that required a hospital visit and penile artery embolization, a way of closing blood vessels. Closing off some blood flow prevents engorgement of the penis with blood and lessens the likelihood of an erection.
Now, it sounds like this guy has some serious problems with his weenis, but who or what exactly led him to the conclusion that the energy drink caused said problems? Was it a doctor's opinion or a lawyer's?

I'm guessing it was the latter.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Hit parade

Damn. The Angels got 16 runs on 23 hits tonight. Every starting player had at least one hit. That was a fun game to watch, unless you're a Twins fan.

A fool and his money, Chinese edition

If you think Americans are the only people who engage in conspicuous consumption, dig this:
Fancy a diamond-encrusted cellphone for $3.5 million, or a gold-plated, musical Swiss watch costing more than $2 million?

Those luxuries, and thousands like them, were on display at a weekend Millionaire Fair in Shanghai, a lavish exhibition targeting the ranks of newly rich created by China's economic boom and a stock market bull run.
The gold-plated Swiss watch I suppose I can understand, but why the hell would you want a diamond-encrusted cell phone? Carrying something like that around with you is like wearing a t-shirt with "Mug me," printed on it.
Hundreds of wealthy Chinese -- many of them dressed casually in sportswear or slippers, and indistinguishable from pedestrians on the streets outside -- crowded the exhibition hall, looking for ways to spend their money.

"The rich people here are still learning about global brands. We're helping them to understand the lifestyle and how to live it," said David Zhong, one of the organizers of the exhibition.
Nice work, if you can get it, telling wealthy suckers that they should buy ridiculous bejeweled geegaws.
Concerned by social tensions caused by the widening gap between rich and poor, Chinese leaders are promising more policies to reduce income inequalities. Higher import duties were imposed this year on luxury goods from cosmetics to golf clubs.
Hey, what kind of commie crap is that? Oh, right.

Read the whole thing, especially if you want a taste of some delicious irony about the building where the exhibition is being held.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Okay, then

If you enjoy stories about kooky whackjobs, well, enjoy:
A U.S. scientist and a small band of believers are planning a journey to the Canadian Arctic for what they call "the greatest geological expedition in history."

Are they searching for Arctic oil reserves? Documenting evidence of climate change?

Not quite. They're looking for a fog-shrouded hole in the Arctic Ocean that leads -- they say -- to the centre of the Earth, where an unknown civilization is lurking inside the hollow core of the planet.

This time next year, Kentucky based physicist and futurist Brooks Agnew hopes to board the commercially owned Russian icebreaker Yamal in the port of Murmansk, and to sail into the polar sea just beyond Canada's Arctic islands.

"Everest has been climbed a hundred times," Mr. Agnew says. "The Titanic has been scanned from stem to stern. [But] this is the first and only expedition to the North Pole opening ever attempted."
You know why people have done those other things, like climbing mountains and searching for famous shipwrecks? Probably because those things, you know, actually exist.

Oh, and I loved this bit:
While he insists the journey has a genuine scientific purpose, Mr. Agnew also says the expedition will include several experts in meditation, mythology and UFOs [my emphasis], as well as a team of documentary filmmakers.
You don't say.

(Via Fark.)

A fun little game

Okay, let's try something here. I'll take a detail out of the first paragraph of this story, and you see if you can figure out where it happened:
Police found more than 8,000 pieces of women's clothing and lingerie in the home of a...man who stole the items so he could sleep buried in them.
No fair peeking, either!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The winning platform

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the residents of this town aren't exactly very conservative:
Council meetings in Reus could take a turn for the bizarre after the northern Spanish town voted in a councillor who promised to turn up dressed as Elvis Presley and wants to turn the square into a nudist pool.

Ariel Santamaria, a former postman, stood for a small independent party dressed in full Elvis regalia complete with sideburns and won enough votes last weekend to take a council seat.

[...]

His platform included plans to paint the town hall pink, plant marijuana in the parks and give the town police global positioning systems to find people who might need a light while rolling a joint.
Something tells me that his constituents aren't currently having trouble sparking up their joints. Just a hunch.

Something in the air

Ah, Rome. The art. The history. The beauty. And, apparently, the interesting substances in the air:
Researchers may have figured out what makes la vita so dolce in Rome. A report from Italy's National Research Council released Thursday found that there are traces of cocaine and cannabis in the air of the Eternal City.

The institute made the discovery during a study of toxic substances in the air of Rome, Taranto, in the heel of boot-shaped Italy, as well as in Algiers. The results found that in Rome, there were traces of cocaine and cannabis _ as well as nicotine, caffeine and benzopirene, which is commonly released in cigarette smoke and auto emissions.

"The highest concentrations of cocaine were found in the center of Rome and especially in the area of the University of La Sapienza," said Dr. Angelo Cecinato, who led the investigation.

Researchers can't say for sure why the high concentrations were registered in those locations, but Cecinato stressed that the findings didn't necessarily mean that cocaine and cannabis are more heavily used there.
Riiiiight. Because it's not like a bunch of eurotrash college students would be using drugs. Nope.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Cha-ching!

When something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Like when you get a $2.5 million check pretty much out of the blue:
An errant computer keystroke led the state to accidentally issue a $2.5 million check to a school counselor _ who spent thousands on cars, jewelry and electronics, prosecutors said.

Sabrina Walker, 37, was charged Tuesday with theft by swindle and concealing the proceeds of a crime. She remained in jail Wednesday in lieu of $200,000 bail.

The state's accounting system was handling money for the Department of Human Services that was intended for the Hennepin County Medical Center when the check was issued to Walker by mistake in March.

Walker was in the state's system because she was once paid $84 as a court witness. Investigators found that Walker's vendor number in the state system was only one number off the hospital's nine-digit number.
Sounds like time for a shopping spree!
Walker, along with a man she lived with, allegedly bought a $500,000 certificate of deposit, funded two retirement accounts, bought a $500,000 Treasury bond, spent $5,500 on jewelry, $3,817 at Best Buy and $2,069 on limousine services, according to the criminal complaint.
I'm sort of surprised that they spent some of the money responsibly. But then, she made a real dumbass move:
Walker also allegedly bought two cars, called the state to report the check, then bought two more cars, prosecutors said.
Why would you report the check and then buy two more cars?

Anyway, I love what her lawyer had to say about the whole mess:
Her criminal attorney, Mark Larsen, said there was more to the story than just the criminal complaint submitted by prosecutors. The complaint "fails to recite all the pertinent facts," he said.

"This is a far cry from an individual who is turning her back on what has happened here," he said.
Well, it's not like she really has a choice, now that she's been caught, does she?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Uh, no

And people say that in this day and age, romance is dead:
A thief found out the hard way that robbing a woman isn't the best way to capture her heart. Two men robbed a U-Haul store around 3 p.m. Sunday, taking an unspecified amount of cash, according the store's owner. But instead of fleeing, one man lingered and tried to strike up a conversation with the woman he had just robbed.

"He stuck around and was trying to get the female employee's number," U-Haul general manager Patrick Sobocinski said. "She said he was just saying, 'Hey baby, you're pretty fine.'"
Well, maybe romance is dead after all. She turned the guy down, if you can believe that.

Saying what we were all thinking

Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys doesn't really like the Live Earth concerts, nor the concept of know-it-all celebrities:
He said: "The Princess Diana concert is fair enough, but I feel more uneasy about the Al Gore thing.

"I've always been against the idea of rock stars lecturing people as if they know something the rest of us don't - it looks arrogant.

"It's not as if they have a private source of information. To state the obvious as if you are the only person that knows it is intellectually weak."
He doesn't seem to be a big fan of Bono, either. Well, Bono the Activist, anyway. He doesn't mention Bono's singing, so he may be a fan of that.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day



Today, before you fire up the grill, crack open a cold one, or head out to a sale at the mall, take a minute to reflect on the brave people who made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of our country.

Friday, May 25, 2007

I scream, you scream...

...we all scream for marijuana:
Police say the jingle of this ice cream truck meant pot-sickles. Police say elementary school students tipped them off to an ice cream truck driver who was apparently selling $5 and $10 bags of marijuana from the truck. Most customers were in the third, fourth, and fifth grades.

"It's a scary thought, but that's the info we received," Mission [Texas] police Chief Leo Longoria said.

Raymundo Flores, a 40-year-old illegal immigrant from Mexico, was arrested Thursday on charges of possession of marijuana. He was transported to Hidalgo County jail after a judge set bond at $30,000. His case will likely be turned over to federal immigration officials, Assistant Police Chief Robert Dominguez said.
Yeah, and I bet they'll get right on deporting his ass back to Mexico. Riiiiight.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

A picture says a thousand words

Well, actually, in this case, it only says four. But really, those four (especially the second) suffice.

(Via Fark.)

I guess they're not fans

Huh. So I saw a headline for an AP story about a high school kid who ejaculated into a bottle of ranch dressing and went to look for it on Google News. When you click on the link for the story in the LA Times, something, well, unusual comes up.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Very shocking

As a regular watcher of this show, I've seen a hell of a lot of people shocked by police using stun guns. This instance seems rather puzzling, though:
It was just a little stun gun fun, but a police officer who demonstrated his Taser by zapping a willing subject in the genitals [my emphasis] has drawn a warning from his bosses.
Like I said, I've seen lots of video of people getting zapped, and I can't imagine volunteering to be on the business end, much less asking someone to taze my junk.
Officer Randy Reynolds ran into trouble when video of the incident last spring was posted on YouTube.com. The unidentified man wasn't injured, and onlookers can be heard laughing in the background.

Interim Police Chief Larry Dickerson said Tuesday that Reynolds had been attending a social gathering, but was in uniform and on his way to work at the time. The man repeatedly asked Reynolds to use the weapon on him, and Reynolds eventually obliged _ twice.

"He said he just wanted to know what it felt like. Randy didn't want to do it at first, but the guy kept asking," said Dickerson, who interviewed the man.
Again, I can't for the life of me figure out why a uy would repeatedly ask a police officer to taze his naughty bits. I mean, it sounds like he really, really wanted Reynolds to do so. Who knows, maybe he was one of these fellas.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Couldn't you just wait for some grandchildren?

Well, on the plus side, I guess she's already experienced with raising children. Plus, if those grandkids show up anytime soon, they'll have a couple of uncles they can fingerpaint with:
A 60-year-old woman became a mother, twice over, when she delivered a pair of boys Tuesday.

Frieda Birnbaum gave birth to "Baby A" at 12:44 p.m. and "Baby B" a minute later by Caesarean section at Hackensack University Medical Center, hospital spokeswoman Nancy Radwin said. The twins each weighed 4 pounds, 11 ounces, she said.

"The mom is in recovery, and she and the babies are doing really well," Radwin said, declining a request to speak with the mother.

Hospital officials believe Birnbaum may be the oldest woman to give birth to twins in the United States, Radwin said.
God, I would hope so.
Birnbaum, a psychologist from Saddle River, underwent in-vitro fertilization last year in Cape Town, South Africa, at a center that specializes in older women. She and her husband, Ken, a New York attorney, have been married for 38 years and have three other children sons ages 6 and 33 and a daughter, 29.
Okay, so she's got a daughter of childbearing age, so maybe the daughter's got got a fertility issue and did this to become a surrogate mother, right?

Nope.
Birnbaum told Fox News she wanted her younger son to have siblings closer to his age and wanted to remove some of the stigma attached to older women giving birth.
Well, that's nice, I guess, but it'll kind of suck for them when their mom can't make it to their high school graduations because she's, you know, dead.

On the other hand, if she resents having to change the little tykes' diapers, she can rest assured that payback is just a ways down the road, if you know what I mean.

Things that make you go, "Hmmmmm..."

Call it a hunch, but I get the feeling that Ace just doesn't feel that the news media are being straight with us about the results of a certain survey.

Like I said, just a hunch.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Returning to the scene of the crime

Apparently, it's not just a cliche. Well, not for these stupid teenagers, anyway:
Two teens are in hot water after police said they decided to return to a pool at the same hotel where they had robbed three people about 15 hours before.

The two women and a man were held up at gunpoint around 2 a.m. Saturday on the beach by Shorewood Villas on Hilton Head Island, Beaufort County Sheriff's Capt. Toby McSwain said.

The robbers took cell phones, purses, wallets and cash before one of them pistol whipped the man, McSwain said.

The victims then saw the same two men again at their hotel Saturday afternoon and called police. "They were basically just hanging out at the pool," McSwain said.

The gun deputies think was used in the robberies was found in a restroom trash can near the pool and other items taken were found on the beach, authorities said.

Brandon J. Brooks, 18, and Dillion Clark, 16, were charged with armed robbery. Brooks also was charged with carrying a firearm during a violent crime and misdemeanor marijuana possession.
Going back to the same place where you robbed a bunch of people less than a day later is dumb enough, but taking a bunch of evidence and some weed with you is just begging for trouble.

Morons.

The "24" season finale

No spoilers here, in case you Tivoed it.

Meh. This season was really pretty weak, overall, after starting off looking pretty promising. The main storyline ended too soon and this second story arc with the Chinese just seemed tacked-on. I mean, it's hard to get excited about a circuit board.

And the end...well, I said no spoilers, so I'll just say "meh" again and leave it at that.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

If she doesn't already know about it...

...nobody tell maggie about this. I'm afraid she might asplode from all the cuteness, and I fear her hubby might frown on that.

Update: I'm stupid. She has a link to Cute Overload on her blogroll, which I would have noticed, if not for the aforementioned stupidity.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Your favorite B-side

What's yours? I'm listening to mine right now. New Order's "Touched by the Hand of God" from the "Blue Monday 1988" twelve-inch single.

By the way, if I ever make a bunch of money, I'll buy a mint condition copy of the original "Blue Monday," which is the best-selling twelve-inch of all time.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Yet another criminal mastermind

God, I bet the cops just love it when dumbass criminals like this genius make their jobs so f'n easy:
Police say a man suspected of burglarizing several vehicles left a key piece of evidence at the scene of the alleged crimes _ his wallet, with identification and his parole card.

Christopher D. Hasty, 22, was arrested after he was pointed out by apartment complex residents who said they saw him flee a car in the parking lot. Several cars had been burglarized in the lot where officers found the wallet.

Residents said they saw the suspect's baggy pants fall down as he was running away.

Officers found him inside a nearby apartment. A trail of footprints led from the door to woods where some of the items stolen from the cars were stashed.
Footprints? You've got to be kidding me. That's like something out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Weird Tales of the Sitemeter IV

My blog turned up when somebody did a Google search for "mr. peepers sex moves." Not sure I want to know what that's all about.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Huh

I'm not a Catholic, but I understand that the church kinda frowns on the whole abortion thing. But some liberal Catholics are apparently conflicted about that:
A group of 18 Catholic House Democrats publicly disputed Pope Benedict XVI's recent condemnation of politicians who support abortion rights, saying that "such notions offend the very nature of the American experiment."

On his flight to Brazil last Wednesday (May 9), Benedict said Catholic politicians in Mexico City who recently voted to legalize abortion could consider themselves excommunicated from the church [my emphasis]. The Vatican later said the pope was merely restating church policy, which calls for Catholics who participate in abortions to exclude themselves from taking Holy Communion.

On Monday (May 14), Catholic House Democrats said Benedict's comments "do a great disservice to the centuries of good work the church has done."

"The fact is that religious sanction in the political arena directly conflicts with our fundamental beliefs about the role and responsibility of democratic representatives in a pluralistic America — it also clashes with freedoms guaranteed in our Constitution," a statement from the 18 lawmakers said.
Now, I'm less interested in the doctrinal or constitutional aspects of this story than I am by the fact that, apparently, we seem to have annexed Mexico at some point. When did that happen, and how did I miss it?

(Via Dan Collins, writing at pw.)

Dirty cleaning

Why do I think that in this case, "powerless to" actually means "uninterested in"?
A nude car wash offering an X-rated sideshow and topless cleaning in Australia's tropical Queensland state has been given the all-clear after police and officials said they were powerless to scrub it.

The Bubbles 'n' Babes car wash in Brisbane prompted a flood of complaints with a topless car wash for A$55 ($45) and a nude car wash with X-rated lap-dance service for A$100. "If it was approved for a car wash then I can't imagine how we can stop them," Lord Mayor Campbell Newman told a council meeting with worried local lawmakers.
What's to worry about? Sounds like a perfectly legitimate enterprise where nothing shady or nasty could possibly happen.

Yeah.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Mother of the Year

It's nice when families care about each other and can do things together. Well, normally it is:
A 36-year-old German mother-of-five drove her son to a jewelry store he wanted to rob because she was afraid he may come to some harm, Bild newspaper reported Wednesday.

While her 17-year-old son and his two accomplices stabbed and robbed a jeweler in the eastern city of Dresden, the mother waited outside in the car.

"I knew he wanted to rob the shop and I was very worried about him," top-selling Bild quoted the mother as saying.
Awww, isn't that sweet incredibly stupid? I mean, if you know your son is planning to rob somebody and you're worried about it, the normal, sensible thing to do would be to, you know, try to talk him out of it.

By the way, dumbass mom got three years and ten months for caring too much, damnit.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

That could put a damper on the resale value

When you've just bought a home, you usually don't want to find any surprises. Especially not one like this:
A man making his first visit to a home he bought in a foreclosure auction found the former owner's mummified body sitting on the living room couch, police said Tuesday.

Coroners estimate the woman's remains had been there since 2001, when she stopped making payments on the residence in the coastal town of Roses in Spain's northeast Catalonia region.

The body mummified instead of rotting partly because of the salty seaside air in Roses, a Catalan regional police official said, speaking on customary condition of anonymity.

The woman, in her mid-50s, was estranged from her children in Madrid, and no one had reported her missing. She was not identified by officials.

Police said her death also went undetected because her ground-level apartment is in an area of vacation homes with a high turnover of travelers.
The article goes on to say that the bank never bothered to inspect the property after they foreclosed on it. Hell, she could've just stopped paying and kept on living there, I guess, had she survived.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Darwin Awards semifinalist

I say semifinalist because the idiot didn't actually, you know, die:
A teenager who put bullets in a vise and whacked them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings was wounded in the abdomen by approximately the 100th bullet he hit, according to Warren County deputies.

Damion M. Mosher, 18, had been discharging .223-caliber rounds, placing them in a steel vise, putting a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with the hammer, deputies said.

Deputies were called to his home in Lake Luzerne shortly after 5 p.m. Saturday when one bullet went about a half-inch into his abdomen. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital and was released. No charges were filed.
And why was this genius doing this? Because he planned on selling the shell casings for scrap metal. For a whopping buck seventy per pound.

Wow. Hope it was worth it, dumbass.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day

It is indeed a happy Mother's Day for my family, since my mom has been home for a couple of weeks after having both of her hips replaced. And she's doing great, too!

Anyway, I'd like to wish everybody else a happy Mother's Day, too. Give your mom a hug if she's handy, or call her and tell her you love her if she's somewhere else.

Late night musings about dirty f'n hippies

When I was a stupid kid, I thought it would have been cool to have grown up in the sixties. I blame this mostly on Fred Savage, The Beatles, and the fact that I spent my adolecence in the cultural void that was the late eighties and early nineties. I have since re-evaluated my regard for this shrill and pointless decade.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, because I just saw the last few minutes of this on one of the local PBS stations. And I saw a bunch of slavering hippie idiots cheering while Mick Jagger shakes his bony ass and removes his shirt to reveal a bunch of fake devil tatoos. And then, at the end, they're all sitting together—the Stones and their fans—all of them wearing big, stupid floppy felt hats. Stupid hippie hats.

I can't believe I ever admired the culture that these people created. Which, I might add, led to the ugliest decade the world has ever seen—the seventies. And it's really, really scary to think that this unserious generation of idiots is basically in charge of the world these days.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed so I can wake up in time to go to brunch with my mom who—ugh—used to enjoy folk music in her misguided youth. Thankfully, she's seen the light since then and is currently one of the most heartless conservatives I've ever had the pleasure to have known.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Ewwwwwwww

I don't see how it could be very likely, but God, I hope nothing like this ever happens to me:
This nasty rescue is no fish tale.

Rescuers cut through a filtration tank of dense fish feces to reach four workers who fell into the sludgy dung Friday while cleaning the 18-foot tank at a western Massachusetts farm.

The workers became trapped for 45 minutes after a bracket holding a plastic filtration pad collapsed as workers stood on it to clean the fiberglass tank at the Australis Aquaculture fish farm, said Turners Falls Fire Capt. David Dion and the fish farm's manager, Josh Goldman.

One of the farmhands was submerged in what Dion described as a sand-and-feces mix, while the other three had their heads above the sludge, he said.

[...]

"It was very slimy and it was heavy," he said. "Never seen anything like it in my life."
I don't think I could ever take enough showers to feel clean again after something like that.

Not a people person

Sometimes we take our friends and family for granted. One good reason not to do so? Well, so that you don't end up like this guy:
The decomposed corpse of a German man was found alone in his bed after nearly seven years, police in the western city of Essen said Thursday.

The police said in a statement the man was 59 and unemployed at the time of his death. He most likely died of natural causes on November 30, 2000, the date he received a letter from the Welfare Office found in the apartment, police said.

[...]

"No one missed him. No missing person report was ever filed," the police said.
The weird thing about cases like this is that the dead person's landlord never seems to notice, either. And since the guy seemed to have been unemployed and on welfare, it doesn't seem likely that he had any great sum of money in the bank that could have been used for direct deposits.

Anyway, imagine what a lonely, solitary life this poor bastard must've led. For seven years, he was lying dead in his bed, and not a single soul ever missed him. Pretty depressing.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Yikes!

Every once in a while, I come across a story that makes me glad to live in a safe, normal Western society. This would be one of those stories:
Riot police have been sent to a remote mountainous village in Papua New Guinea after a gun battle between police and members of a cult involved in human sacrifices, local media reported Wednesday.

The National newspaper said several people were killed and many injured in the fighting last week in the Finschhafen area of Morobe province, 350 km (220 miles) north of the capital, Port Moresby.

[...]

Police who flew to the area Sunday said they believed they were dealing with a cult movement involved in murders and human sacrifices to their gods, the newspaper said.

Morobe's chief police inspector, Augustine Wampe, said suspicions of cult activity started in April when a child was kidnapped and police were attacked trying to rescue the child.

"It takes a whole day to walk from (the town of) Sialum to the village in the mountains, where the child was held. The four (police) were ambushed and attacked by the villagers," he said.

"Gunfire was exchanged and one of the policemen was injured in the leg with an arrow. Another policeman fell over a cliff."

Police reinforcements were attacked and forced to retreat. The villagers then went on a rampage killing one man and chopping up his body and burning houses, Wampe said.
Damn, that's some crazy, Indiana Jones-style shit! You might get mugged or beat up or run over by a drunk driver here in California, but chances are pretty good that you're not going to be killed by a rampaging murder cult.

Not this week, anyway.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Great idea!

Hmmmm...it's hard to believe the geniuses behind this idea didn't forsee any problems with it. Oh, wait, maybe they were drunk:
On second thought, maybe it was not a good idea to give an award for drinking to local government officials.

The South Korean county of Koesan has decided it will discontinue giving out its "Drinking Culture Prize" after being flooded with complaints that the award promotes drunkenness among municipal employees and encouraged binge drinking.
No, really? You don't say.
A county official said Wednesday the public misunderstood the intention of the award, which was meant to recognize government workers who go out to local restaurants and bars to meet citizens and hear what they have to say.

"I guess it was our mistake that the purpose was misinterpreted," said the official, who asked not to be named.
Well, then maybe, just maybe, you should have called it something other than the "Drinking Culture Prize." How about something like...the "Responsive to Citizens During Off Hours Prize," or something like that?
The prize, which included round-trip tickets to the resort island of Cheju, was given out for the first time earlier this month to three municipal workers.

Local media reported one winner had his driver's license revoked in 2005 for drunk driving.
Well, I guess he was really, really dedicated to local citizens. If he was guilty of anything, it was caring too damn much.

And drunk driving. Yeah.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Thanks a lot, dicks

Dang, you try to do something nice, and look where it gets you:
A service station that offered discounted gas to senior citizens and people supporting youth sports has been ordered by the state to raise its prices. Center City BP owner Raj Bhandari has been offering senior citizens a 2 cent per gallon price break and discount cards that let sports boosters pay 3 cents less per gallon.

But the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection says those deals are too good: They violate Wisconsin's Unfair Sales Act, which requires stations to sell gas for about 9.2 percent more than the wholesale price.

Bhandari said he received a letter from the state auditor in late April saying the state would sue him if he did not raise his prices. The state could penalize him for each discounted gallon he sold, with the fine determined by a judge.
So this guy does something to help people on fixed incomes and kids who want to play sports (and mind you, the state thinks obesity is a big problem), and the state steps in and tells him that he can't sell his product for a price that he feels is appropriate? Now, I'm no Libertarian wacko—I understand that there are some functions of government that are really necessary—but this really seems stupid. Pointless, even.

But I can't say I'm surprised.

Aw, man!

Rarely have I been let down so badly as I was after reading the headline to this article. Sheesh, that sounded a lot more interesting than it actually was.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Barf bags

If you're going to smuggle a bunch of illicit drugs by swallowing them, I'm pretty sure it would help to have a strong stomach:
A passenger on an Australian-bound plane vomited a nylon bag of white powder suspected to be heroin, causing the plane to return to Vietnam in the latest drug mule case between that country and Australia, officials said.

The Vietnam Airlines plane had been flying for an hour after leaving Ho Chi Minh City on Saturday when an Australian man of Vietnamese descent took ill, airline officials told the state-run Tuoi Tre (Youth) newspaper.

The aircraft turned around and made an emergency landing at Tan Son Nhat Airport, where the man coughed up two more bags of white powder. He was detained by police and taken to hospital.

Another newspaper, Lao Dong (Labor), reported doctors found 30 red nylon bags in the man's stomach. It identified him as 35-year-old Nguyen Kant.
That's why I could never be a mule—I have a hair-trigger gag reflex. That, and I'm not really big on smuggling illegal drugs.

The year of living joylessly

Are you an urban yuppie enviro-scold who prays to St. Algore of the Inconvenient Truth? Are you doing all you can to help save Mother Earth? You are? You really think so?

WRONG!!!

Bear witness to the yuppies who are even better than you, as profiled in (of course) the New York Times. They even gave up on toilet paper! I'm guessing their friends are reluctant about shaking hands.

But the juciest part is the hypocrisy, as usual:
Ms. Conlin, acknowledging that she sees her husband as No Impact Man and herself as simply inside his experiment, said she saw “An Inconvenient Truth” in an air-conditioned movie theater last summer. “It was like, ‘J’accuse!’ ” she said. “I just felt like everything I did in my life was contributing to a system that was really problematic.” Borrowing a phrase from her husband, she continued, “If I was a student, I would march against myself.”

While Ms. Conlin is clearly more than just a good sport — giving up toilet paper seems a fairly profound gesture of commitment — she did describe, in loving detail, a serious shopping binge that predated No Impact and made the whole thing doable, she said. “It was my last hurrah,” she explained.

It included two pairs of calf-high Chloe boots (one of which was paid for, she said, with her mother’s bingo winnings) and added up to two weeks’ salary, after taxes and her 401(k) contribution.
If she was a student, she would march against herself, but she just had to have those boots. Two pairs, even.

And while I mentioned that these douches gave up on toilet paper—and apparently all other paper products—the husband is blogging about their experience. He pays extra for "green" energy, but I'm sure the family has some sort of carbon footprint.

Did I mention that he did this as part of a book deal? No? Well, imagine the trees that will be cut down in order to produce this eco-warrior's book.

(via See-Dubya, who's filling in at Hot Air for Allahpundit)

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Slow news night

Wow. The local Fox station is doing an "investigative" report on (drumroll please)...emo kids.

Like I said, wow.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Bad luck

Dang. Sucks to be this guy:
York Heiden is one unlucky crime victim _ his car was stolen twice in one day. Even he can't believe it. "Everyone says, 'You shouldn't have left it,'" Heiden said, laughing. "But I know, I know ... So many what-ifs: I shouldn't have done this, I should have taken the tire off."

According to Heiden, here's what happened:

His pearl-colored 1990 Audi Quattro was stolen from a grocery store parking lot April 27 while his wife was running errands. The keys were left in it.
Okay, now that's just plain stupid. You may as well put a sign on your car saying, "Please, steal me."
Heiden, who owns River West Motorwerks, an automotive repair shop, quickly called some friends and the car was found about a block from the grocery store. The keys were gone.

After removing a bag of pet food, some pieces of mail and other personal items from the car, Heiden told a friend to disable the car's ignition. The mechanic removed a coil wire, evidently forgetting the car had a two-coil system.

Police were told the stolen car had been found and Heiden, 36, left to pick up a spare key.

With only four of the car's eight cylinders disabled, the car still was mobile enough to be stolen a second time, apparently by the same thief, Heiden said.
The good news is that they found his car earlier this week. The bad news...well, I guess he won't be winning the lottery anytime in the near future.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Rope and duct tape are more traditional

Getting robbed in your own home is bad enough, but this is ridiculous, not to mention really, really mean:
A gang stripped a South African man before supergluing him to an exercise bicycle while they ransacked his house, according to a report Thursday.

SAPA news agency said the attackers, dressed in suits, hijacked a man in his 50s and forced him at gunpoint to take them to his home in Johannesburg.

"The victim was then forced to strip, after which he was superglued to the seat of an exercise bicycle, his hands were superglued, as were his feet and then his mouth was superglued shut," SAPA quoted Mark Stokoe, a spokesman for emergency services Netcare 911, as saying.

The man was rescued about three hours later when his partner arrived home, SAPA said.
The article doesn't mention how they eventually got the guy off of the exercise bike, but I'd imagine it was most unpleasant.

A bit of a pest problem

I would imagine that this is probably a big problem for Batman, too:
An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the attic were much of a problem when they were buying a house last summer.

Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they discovered more than a ton and a half of bat droppings up there.

Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo say a home inspector informed them about the bats. They called an exterminator, who told them to wait a while before removing the bats because the babies were too young to fly.

Then they forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul odor in January. When they checked the attic, they found dead bats and piles of guano.
The article goes on to say that the couple is fighting with their insurance company over the $25,000 it cost to clean out the attic. I think they might also have a case against the home inspector and the exterminator, as well.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

"You heard that new Kenny Winker record?"

NSFW because of some very salty language, but it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.*



*No, not really.

Handy, indeed

How come this never happens to me while I'm watching the teevee?
Children here [in Middletown, NJ] got more than they bargained for when they tuned in to "Handy Manny" on the Disney Channel this week _ hard-core pornography.

Cable giant Comcast is investigating how the porn was broadcast during the popular cartoon, which is about a bilingual handyman, Manny Garcia, and his talking tools.

Customer Paul Dunleavy was stunned Tuesday morning to find his 5-year-old son watching the broadcast.

"It was two people doing their thing; it was full-on and it was disgusting," the father of three told The New York Daily News.
What kind of attitude is that? I mean, when two people make love screw each other's brains out, it's a beautiful, natural thing. Well, except for the woman. Parts of her probably weren't natural, if you know what I mean.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Re-arranged marriage

Note to self: If you find yourself getting married in India (hey, you never know, it might happen), try to show up for the wedding sober.
Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom's more sober brother instead, police said Monday.

"The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride's family and local villagers chased him away," Madho Singh, a senior police officer told Reuters after Sunday's marriage in a village in Bihar state's Arwal district.

The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom's place beside the teenage bride at her family's invitation, witnesses said.
Hmmmmm...doesn't sound like the "teenage bride" really had any say in the matter. Shocking, that.

Fifteen years ago

Wow. It guess I didn't realize that fifteen years had passed since the L.A. riots. Those were strange times. I remember rumors spreading through our high school that stores near where we were (out here in the suburbs) had been burned or looted. They turned out to be unfounded, though. I remember seeing a plume of smoke on the horizon during a school day and wondering if the rumors were true. People I knew—Korean-Americans, mostly—had friends and family members who took guns to South Central to defend the businesses that their immigrant parents had built up out of little or nothing. It's weird to think that, for me, that was half a lifetime ago.

Anyway, Michelle Malkin has a great post that remembers a few of the heroes from those dark days.

Friday, April 27, 2007

XXX box

Dang, it sounds like somebody had a party in an old time capsule:
There were a few surprises for the University of Washington's Class of 1957 when they opened a time capsule sealed 50 years ago.

Among audiotapes and copies of the yearbook and school newspaper were 1980s-era porn, a condom and some dirty underwear.

[...]

"The good news is that all the things that were in there are still there," said Jerry Baldasty, chairman of the Department of Communication. "The interesting news is that some other things were added."
Hmmmmm...eighties porn in a fifties time capsule? I'd say somebody has some explaining to do.

Ten reasons why it would suck to be, like, eight feet tall

1. Constantly bumping your head into chandeliers.

2. Getting anything off of a bottom shelf.

3. Always having to sit in the front row at the movies. Because sitting in any other row would mean you wouldn't have any legroom. And everybody knows that sitting in the front row at the movies sucks.

4. And then everybody would yell "Down in front!" at you, so you can't win.

5. Shopping at the Big & Tall store. That place has a weird vibe, if you ask me.

6. Your feet would always hang off the end of the bed. And while that might keep your feet cool in the summer, you'd have to wear socks to bed in the winter.

7. You would be a very easy target for snipers. Like the easiest target in any crowd of people. Even most NBA players. And those guys tend to be really tall. I mean, not even Shaq or that really tall Chinese guy is eight feet tall. And they're both pretty damn tall.

8. But, then again, I saw this show on the History Channel about snipers, and it said that snipers take pride in stalking and killing difficult targets, so maybe snipers wouldn't be interested in taking you down if you were such an easy kill.

9. Yeah, I realize that last one wasn't really a reason why it would suck to be, like, eight feet tall. This is my blog, and I can write what I want. So there. Besides, it's pretty late.

10. I give up. I hope you're happy.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The streak

What's weirder than a nude man running around in public? How about a nude man running around in women's shoes?
A man wearing nothing but women's high heels was the cause of a building lockdown by police in downtown McMinnville. The unidentified man was spotted sitting on a bench on the basement floor of a nearly vacant medical building Wednesday afternoon.

After a call to 911 dispatchers, two McMinnville police units responded and were assisted by deputies from the Yamhill County Sheriffs Office and the Oregon State Police. The building was locked down and surrounded, but alas, no naked man.
I'm not exactly sure I'd say that failing to run across a naked dude in high heels is what I'd call an "alas" situation, if you know what I mean.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Discount dentistry

I've always been a firm believer in the idea that you shouldn't necessarily pay for a product or service just because it's the cheapest on the market. Case in point:
A man was held Wednesday on charges that he performed dental work on customers without a license in his "filthy" garage, authorities said. Roger Bean, 60, was arrested Tuesday and held on $6,000 bond.

Bean performed denture fittings and made false teeth in his garage, charging just $200 for a full set of dentures, a procedure that typically costs more than $2,000, authorities said. But he was not licensed to practice in Florida.
Okay, so it doesn't exactly sound like he was performing root canals in his garage, but still...
Palm Beach County Sheriff's detective Don Zumpano said there were "health risks with operating this type of facility outside of your house," adding that Bean's workspace was "filthy."
But let's not let those kind of facts get in the way, folks...
Neighbors and clients, however, praised Bean for saving them thousands of dollars.

Ron St. Mary, 73, head of the neighborhood crime watch, said Bean is no criminal.

"He's helping the old people who don't have a few dollars," he said. "I think the world of him."
Could I interest you in my discount heart surgery clinic, Mr. St. Mary? Sure, I do the surgery in my bathtub (which hasn't been cleaned in in a few months) and I'm not licensed to perform medicine by this (or any other) state, but I'm sure you'll find my fees very competitive.

If you want to nominate me for some sort of medal, I'll understand.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

RWI

I guess a designated driver is sort of out of the question when you're riding your horse home from the bar:
An early-morning German bank customer had a bit of a shock when he found a horse already in line at the automatic teller machine in front of him. It seems the horse's owner, identified only as Wolfgang H., had a bit too much to drink the night before and decided to sleep it off inside the bank's heated foyer, police said Tuesday.

The 40-year-old machinist told Bild newspaper he had had "a few beers" with a friend in Wiesenburg, southwest of Berlin, and decided to hit the hay in the bank on his way home.

"It was late, it was already dark and cold," he was quoted as saying.
So, of course, the logical thing to do would be to park your horse inside a bank. Makes sense to me.
When a customer came across the horse and sleeping rider in the bank at 4:15 a.m. Monday, he called police, who then came and woke the owner up and sent him on his way.

No charges were filed, but there might be some cleanup needed: Apparently Sammy made his own after-hours deposit on the carpet.
I'm guessing that since they let him go, the public intoxication laws in Germany are a little less strict than they are here in the States. That, or the cops just couldn't figure out what the hell to do with the horse while Wolfgang sobered up in the drunk tank.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Smoke rage

I can get a little testy sometimes when I don't have any smokes, but this is ridiculous:
A north Idaho man accused of ramming his truck into his estranged wife's home Monday after unsuccessfully demanding that she bring him a cigarette has been arrested, police said. No one was injured.

Eric D. Marienau, 48, of Sandpoint, was jailed for investigation of aggravated assault and driving while intoxicated after Coeur d'Alene police officers were called to his wife's residence in this lakeside resort community.
Wait, he was drunk? Who could've guessed?
Caroline Marienau, who said she's in the process of getting a divorce, said Eric Marienau parked his full-size Chevrolet Silverado pickup truck next to her house about 7 a.m., police said.

He went to the home's fence and began shouting for her to bring him a cigarette, Caroline Marienau told police. She said he began pounding on her front door, telling her if she didn't come outside with a cigarette that he would return with his truck and ram her house.

"Eric returned a minute later and rammed the front of the house near the garage area at a high rate of speed. He then backed up and rammed the front of the house at least two more times," Police Sgt. Christie Wood said. "The impact forced a 1993 Ford Ranger that was parked inside the garage to be propelled approximately four feet through a wall into the interior of the bedroom."
There's no word on whether or not he ever got a cigarette. I'm guessing no.

The naked Nazi

Ain't no party like a naked Hitler party. Until the authorities get there to spoil the fun, that is:
A Canadian man has been arrested after he was found walking around naked with a swastika taped to his body to mark Adolf Hitler's birthday, police said on Friday.

Police in Nanaimo, British Columbia, on Canada's Pacific coast, said they were called to the scene by concerned residents, and the man told them he was "honoring Hitler's birthday." He was detained and will undergo a psychiatric assessment.
That's probably a good idea.

If I ever become famous (or infamous) I'm going to go ahead and request that celebrations of my birthday never include naked dudes. Hell, I think I'll go ahead and request that anyway. Famous or not, no naked guys at celebrations of my birthday, please.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I'm just saying...

You know, I think I'd do just about anything this girl asked me to do. So, if you're that girl, lucky you.

Update: On a slightly weirder note, I must admit that I'm kinda hot for the cartoon chick from those Esurance commercials.

Don't you judge me.

Friday, April 20, 2007

TGIF'nF

So, it was cold and rainy all day, the dog took a crap in the living room, and the alternator on my car died. I was able to get it to a garage on the other side of town, but it won't be ready until tomorrow, so I spent the afternoon sitting in front of a drugstore, chain smoking like a homeless person until I could get a ride home--I stupidly forgot to bring a book with me, so I had nothing better to do. But, other than that, yay Friday!

If I were what my mom used to quaintly refer to as a "doper," I would doubtlessly be high as a kite right now, which I guess would be appropriate today. I guess I'll have to settle for a jug of Val-U-Rite vodka, though.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Well, duh

So, it turns out that if you're really drunk in a poorly-lit, smoke-filled bar or club, sitting relatively far away from an unattractive person, you might misjudge how good-looking he or she actually is. No, really. Scientists proved it, with a formula and everything!

(Via Allahpundit at Hot Air.)

Dead precedent

Great job, there counselors:
A Malaysian judge scolded government prosecutors for filing a corruption charge against a policeman who died two years ago, a news report said Thursday.

Sessions Court Judge Noradidah Ahmad, who was presiding over a bribery case, was surprised Wednesday when she noticed court documents stating that one of two policemen accused in the case had died after a stroke in 2005, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

"We do not have to include a dead man in the charge. Dead people cannot testify," Noradidah was quoted as saying by the newspaper. "It's 2007 now, surely the prosecution had time to amend the charge. It is not as if he died yesterday."
I wonder if they didn't notice that the guy had kicked the bucket, they forgot, or they were just too lazy to amend the charges.
Officials familiar with the case in the Kuala Lumpur Sessions Court and the Anti-Corruption Agency, which filed the charge, could not immediately be contacted for comment.
You don't say.
Sankara Nair, a prominent Malaysian lawyer, said he agreed "you cannot charge a dead man."

"When a person dies, the charge dies with him," Nair told the AP.
Well, that's good to know. If I ever find myself dead in Malaysia, I can rest assured that I won't be on the hook for any prison time.
Prosecutors said they would consider amending the charge to exclude Che Amil from the case, the New Straits Times added.
Yeah. That would probably be a good idea.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Pickled

Breaking a record is usually something to be proud of, but in this case, not so much:
A Woodinville woman arrested following two car crashes last week registered a .47 blood-alcohol content on a breath test _ nearly six times the legal intoxication threshold and possibly a state record.

Deana F. Jarrett, 54, was taken to Evergreen Hospital as a precaution following her arrest April 11, the Washington State Patrol said Wednesday. No one was injured in the accidents.

Jarrett blew the .47 on a portable breath tester after she collided with two other vehicles in quick succession, the patrol said. A check of all 356,000 breath tests administered since 1998 in Washington turned up only 35 above .40 _ and none of those was higher than .45.
I guess she ought to be glad just to be alive. Between the car crashes and the probable alcohol poisoning, she's lucky not to be pushing up daisies. On the other hand, she probably wouldn't have needed any embalming fluid, so her family could have saved some money there.

I guess there always is a silver lining.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Monkey business

Now, I've never been one to transport large (or any) amounts of narcotics in my car, but if I was, I'd make damn sure that I wasn't obviously breaking any rules of the road. I'd make sure my lights were all working, that I'd stick close to the speed limit, that I would use my turn signals when making a turn or a lane change, and that my view out of the windshield wasn't obscured by a giant, stuffed monkey.
A trooper driving down Interstate 40 near Forrest City on Monday spotted a truck with much of its windshield blocked by a large, stuffed monkey, authorities said. When the trooper pulled over the driver, he could smell what he suspected to be marijuana and he searched the vehicle, police said.

Police said the trooper found more than 2,100 hydrocodone pills, 70 Xanax pills and 85 Soma pills.

The driver, Tonya Rachelle Garner, 35, and passenger, Dennis Ray Garner, 34, both of Willis, Texas, were each charged with several counts of possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver. Tonya Garner also faces a charge of driving with an obstructed view.
Somehow, I doubt that last charge is costing her quite as much sleep as the others.

Good news, for a change

Sigh. You can just smell the CAIR lawsuit coming over this:
Muslim cab drivers at Minnesota's biggest airport will face new penalties including a two-year revocation of their taxi permits if they refuse to give rides to travelers carrying liquor or accompanied by dogs, the board overseeing operations ruled Monday.

The Metropolitan Airports Commission, responding to complaints about the liquor issue, voted unanimously to impose the new penalties beginning in May.

A large number of taxi drivers in the area of the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport are Muslim Somali immigrants. Many say they feel the faith's ban on alcohol consumption includes transporting anyone carrying it.

Some also have refused to transport dogs, both pets and guide dogs, saying they are unclean.
Um, is it just me, or isn't it illegal to refuse to transport people with guide dogs?
The new rules cover any driver who refuses a ride for unwarranted reasons, including those who refuse to take short-haul passengers in favor of more lucrative longer trips. They can still refuse fares for certain reasons, including threats to their safety.

Under the new regulations a first offense would result in a 30-day cab license suspension and a second in a two-year taxi license revocation.
Good. I'm all for religious tolerance, but we have to draw a line somewhere. And when religious tolerance has to bend to religious intolerance, that's never a good thing. And if, say, Hindu cab drivers were refusing to carry Muslim passengers, you can guess what the reaction would be from the likes of CAIR and other Muslim groups, and rightly so.

Besides, this way, the cab drivers will be taking on more fares, so that's more money for them. Everybody wins!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Duck!

This story probably wouldn't be all that remarkable except for one thing—Mr. Peepers. With him involved, it becomes a sort of wacky caper. Well, probably not for the person who got seriously hurt. But otherwise, kind of a slapstick farce.
A Seattle man has been charged with a slew of crimes that involved an alleged shoplifting, assaults and a pet duck named Mr. Peepers. Snohomish County Deputy Prosecutor Paul Stern on Thursday charged Kenneth Blaine Quinlan, 35, with two counts of third-degree assault and one count each of vehicular assault and hit-and-run.

Authorities say that on March 23, Quinlan and his 39-year-old girlfriend drove to a Lynnwood shopping center, where he entered a Linens 'n Things outlet and she went into a Petco store, taking the duck with her.

Stern wrote in court papers that a security guard thought he saw Quinlan shoplift an iPod speaker system, and a scuffle ensued.

Police say the guard chased Quinlan to the Petco store, where Quinlan got the car keys from his girlfriend and tried to escape.

The man jumped into the driver's seat of the car as the woman walked out of the store with her duck. Not knowing what was going on, she tried to stop him from driving away and was knocked down by the open car door as it backed up. She dropped the duck.

A Petco employee saw what was happening and "ran to save Peepers from the front of the car" just as Quinlan drove forward, Stern wrote. The car ran over the woman, inflicting serious injuries including broken bones in her foot and ankle, he said.
Thankfully, Mr. Peepers, the girlfriend, and the security guard were okay.

Oh, and would you be surprised if I told you that drugs were involved?
Quinlan was being held in the Snohomish County Jail in lieu of $25,000 bail. A convicted felon and former heroin addict, he told officers that he'd just received a dose of methadone at a Lynnwood clinic and had used cocaine a few days earlier, according to court papers.
Yeah, I didn't think so.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Gob-smackingly vile

Oh. My. God. Nobody tell Excitable Andy about this egrigious violation of Muslims' Civil Rights, or his head would probably explode:
A Dutch police station trying to help Muslim detainees face Mecca for their prayers painted arrows in cells pointing in the wrong direction.

The Segbroek police station in The Hague borrowed the idea of putting compass marks on ceilings from an Amsterdam hotel, the Dutch daily De Telegraaf reported on Friday.

Muslims pray five times a day, facing east in the direction of Mecca. But the arrows in Segbroek pointed west.

"This is a really gigantic, stupid blunder," a police spokesman told the De Telegraaf.
I think that's an understatement, considering the fact that this is the new Abu Ghraib. Plus Gitmo. And given Karl Rove's probable, nay, obvious involvement in this war crime, we can hope to see Congressional hearings about this soon.

Ouch

NRO's John Podhoretz rips ABC's Terry Moran a new one over his stupid post on the Duke lacrosse players from the other day. His conclusion:
Maybe Terry Moran should get someone to plagiarize his blog items, the way Katie Couric did. They'd be a whole lot better.
That's gonna leave a mark.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Hot Air bleg

Is anybody else having trouble with getting the main page at Hot Air to load properly? It normally has two columns, but on my computer, only the left-hand column ("Top Picks") loads.

Update: Nevermind. It seems to be loading just fine now.

Imagine the heart-ache

This incident could have been a lot worse. See if you can guess where I'm going here:
A jail guard has been suspended after allegedly thumping an inmate with a Bible.

James Lee Sheppard, 56, has been charged with two gross misdemeanors for allegedly swatting a Blue Earth County Jail inmate with the book, grabbing him by the throat and slamming him against steel bars on Feb. 8, according to the criminal complaint.

A video shows a guard entering the cell of inmate Jeremy Hansen, 26. The guard then takes Hansen's Bible and strikes him in the side of the face with the book. The two exchange words as the guard walks away, said Mankato Police Officer Allen Schmidt who watched the video.
That's right. Imagine if, instead of Jeremy Hansen, the inmate had been, say, Jamal Hussein. Andrew Sullivan and the rest of the chorus of the perpetually indignant would be having fits about the guard being a "Christianist" thug. CAIR would be suing the Blue Earth County Jail for racial discrimination. It would be the new Abu Ghraib.

In other words, we'd never hear the end of it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

In her "own" words

Well, here's some more of that legendary CBS News credibility:
"CBS Evening News" anchor Katie Couric may vividly recall her first library card, but the network says she was unaware that her online video essay about the virtues of libraries was largely a work of plagiarism.

CBS News said this week the April 4 installment of "Katie Couric's Notebook" consisted mostly of passages lifted verbatim from a Wall Street Journal column by Jeffrey Zaslow that was published in March.

The producer responsible for Couric's piece was fired on Monday night, hours after the Journal contacted CBS News to complain, network spokeswoman Sandy Genelius said on Tuesday.

The essay was immediately removed from the CBS News Web site, and a correction was posted in its place. The network did not identify the producer who was fired.
Well, at least we know it wasn't Mary Mapes.
Although the text for the minute-long video was written in first person -- introduced by Couric with the line, "I still remember when I got my first library card" -- Couric did not compose the piece herself and was unaware that much of it was plagiarized, Genelius said.

"She was stunned, and very upset," Genelius said on Wednesday. "It's the same reaction we all had."
I guess I'd be upset, too, if I'd been made to look like a fool by going on camera and reading an essay somebody else had written as if it was my own work. Oh, wait, she was doing that anyway. She just didn't realize that it was plagiarized from a third person.
Genelius said Couric met with a group of producers weekly to discuss upcoming topics for her "Notebook" video essays, and "she does write some of them herself."
Well, isn't that special?

(Via Fark.)

The most pressing legal issue of our time

Are you a stoner who's got a little too much time on your hands? If so, why not try to get justice for the drug-bloated corpse of an overrated singer?
Two fans have asked Florida to pardon rock bad-boy Jim Morrison, the late lead singer for The Doors, who was convicted of exposing himself during a Miami concert nearly 40 years ago.

The two men, Kerry Humpherys of Utah and David Diamond of Ohio, sent a letter to Florida Gov. Charlie Crist last month asking him to issue a full pardon to Morrison on two misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and using profanity.

"I'm a big Doors fan. There are thousands of Doors fans out there who look up to Jim Morrison. It was all trumped up and he shouldn't have this hanging over him," said Humpherys, who runs a Doors fan magazine. [my emphasis]
Um, Kerry, the man's been dead for nearly forty years. I don't think it really matters to him anymore.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The marrying man

Who would've thought having multiple wives could be so complicated?
A Saudi man lost a bit of his nose in a joint assault by his two wives after he jokingly threatened to marry a third woman.

Judaie Ibn Salem had thought his threat would help resolve an argument over dividing up his house.
Right. Because threatening to marry someone else is a surefire way to provoke a rational response from a woman. Or, in this case, two of them.
"I swore that I would do it because ... they were impolite and that's when I came under an even bigger attack," Ibn Salem told Shams newspaper after having seven stitches inserted.

"I never realized they would get so worked up. But the only way to restore my dignity is really to take a third wife."
Uh, I'm not really sure that's such a hot idea. Sounds like he's having trouble enough with just the two of them.
"I don't know what I'm going to lose next if I do that."
I think you can see where he's going with that.

Monday, April 09, 2007

I'm sure all his other personalities voted for him

Gee, I wonder why this guy never wins elections. Oh yeah, it's because he's nuttier than a fruitcake.
An eccentric 78-year-old inventor who was thwarted in his fourth attempt to become governor of Tokyo was undaunted, saying he plans to run 16 more times and will win by outliving his opponents, local media said Monday. "I'm going to live to 144, so I'm still only middle-aged. I can run for Tokyo governor 16 more times," the Sports Hochi newspaper quoted Yoshiro Nakamatsu as saying.

"In that time, all the others will die off, so I will be elected," added Nakamatsu, the self-proclaimed inventor of the floppy disk and the oldest candidate in the race. Nakamatsu came fifth in Sunday's election, which gave 74-year-old Shintaro Ishihara his third term as Tokyo governor.
Uh, I hate to break it to you, Methuselah, but there's a flaw in your plan. You see, there are going to be other people who will run in the future, not just the same guys you think you can wait out.
Ishihara won 2.8 million votes, according to national broadcaster NHK's Web site, while Nakamatsu got 85,946, or 1.6 percent of the total.
That's actually not too bad for a crazy person. I guess that was because of his platform, which was actually, well, half sane.
Nakamatsu had promised to lower taxes and safeguard Tokyo's 12.6 million residents from missile attacks with an invention that would make North Korean missiles do a U-turn.
As any good liberal will tell you, tax cuts are just plain bad policy. What was he thinking?

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Friday, April 06, 2007

Dirty dentist

I'm not a huge fan of going to the dentist, but I'm really glad I've never been to this dentist:
A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears.

A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who routinely did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of "himself, staff and patients" for more than 28 years.

A dental nurse who worked for Hutchinson for 16 years said she had caught him urinating in the sink more than once.

"He was tucking something into his trousers before zipping them up hastily. I walked over and I was behind him. He moved to the left and I could smell urine," the nurse told the tribunal.

The tribunal determined that the dentist's poor hygiene habits made him unfit to practice and struck him off the dental register, banning him from work.
Well, I should hope so. I want to know how this slob was able to get away with this kind of nastiness for so long. If he was doing this kind of thing for nearly thirty years, he probably infected a bunch of people with who knows what. And the weird thing is, it sounds like he was doing all of this on purpose, the sick bastard.

A late-night haiku you don't want to read (with the obligatory seasonal reference)

Like a soft Spring rain,
A pungent reminder of
The asparagus.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Voter apathy

This guy must feel like a dumbass. An unpopular dumbass, at that.
Joe Selle didn't exactly get voted out office this week, but he wasn't re-elected, either.

Selle, who was running unopposed for [Missouri City, MO] City Council, didn't get any votes at all. Not even one from himself.

Selle, 42, said he simply forgot that Tuesday was election day, and apparently so did Ward 3's other 34 registered voters.

The result was zero votes cast in Selle's race, but the city charter lets him keep the seat unless someone else is "successfully elected and qualified," the city attorney said.

Selle, a professional musician, was recently appointed to fill a council vacancy and had been seeking a full term.

He said he saw other residents at the school where the voting was held, "but it never occurred to me that's what they were there for."
The people of Missouri City must be just thrilled that they're being represented by someone who couldn't even remember to vote for himself on election day. That's not exactly the kind of guy I'd want making sure that the potholes get filled and the traffic lights work.

Lady looks like A dude 3: Son of lady looks like a dude

Last week, I wrote about a case where a guy who was accused of the statutory rape of a teen girl turned out to be a woman. Well, it looks like some other broad had the same idea.
The "boyfriend" of a 14-year-old girl who lived with her and her family for more than a year was actually a 30-year-old woman, police said.

Lorelei Corpuz posed as a 17-year-old orphan to gain the family's trust, then beat and molested the teen, police allege.

Corpuz was charged with two counts of third-degree child rape and one count of third-degree child molestation and was being held in lieu of $150,000 bail. Everett Police Sgt. Robert Goetz said he didn't know whether Corpuz had a lawyer.

Police said Corpuz was found out Sunday after an officer checked the suspect's vehicle, parked at an Everett gas station, to see whether it was stolen. The officer arrested Corpuz after the check pulled up an outstanding traffic warrant under an alias, Mark Villanueva.

The 14-year-old also was in the vehicle, and the officer, who recognized Corpuz from an earlier arrest, asked the girl how she knew the suspect.

"She indicated it was her boyfriend," Everett police Sgt. Robert Goetz said. "That obviously piqued the concern of the officer."

Officer Don de Nevens wrote in a probable cause statement that although Corpuz had sexual contact with the girl, "the suspect never let victim see her/his private parts and victim always thought that suspect was male until officer informed her otherwise."

The two met at a mall in September 2005, police said, and the suspect told the girl that his mother had died of cancer and that his father committed suicide. They talked on the phone and went on a date, and soon her family let him move in.

"They were all surprised that this individual was not who she said she was, both in name and sex," Goetz said Wednesday.
I've seen some youthful-looking thirty-year-old women, but none that looked like a seventeen-year-old boy. And why would the girl's parents let "him" move in with them? I mean, what did they think was going to happen when their daughter's older "boyfriend" moved in with them? These must have been some pretty stupid and/or naive people.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

When the difference between left and right is very important

I'm not a litigious person, but oh, hells yeah, I'd be suing, too:
An Air Force veteran has filed a federal claim after an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells. It also was atrophied and painful.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle, according to medical records and the claim, which seeks $200,000 for future care and unspecified damages. He still hasn't had the other testicle removed.
On the bright side, the Chief of Staff for the Greater Los Angeles VA system formally apologized to Houghton and his wife. Somehow, I just don't that's going to be good enough, though.

Come on weekend



From the guy who brought us the video about our most badass President. There's more of his stuff here, but be forewarned that there's some salty language.

Update: The George Washington video I linked to in my earlier post was removed, but you can see it at this link.

Beating the rap

Maybe it's just me, but the Thai prison system seems kinda weird. I mean, when you beat somebody else up in an American prison, you get in trouble, but over there...
Thai inmate Samson Sor Siriporn boosted her chances of freedom by beating Japan's Ayaka Miyano to win the vacant women's WBC light-flyweight title at the notorious "Bangkok Hilton" prison Tuesday.

Under the gaze of dozens of prison guards, Siriporn, a convicted drugs dealer, battled through the unforgiving Thai heat to score a unanimous points victory and kick-start parole proceedings for her early release.

"I've been in jail for a long time now, I hope this will see me released early," said Siriporn, flanked by mean-looking guards and surrounded by photographers.

"When I'm free I'll carry on fighting. I want to fight all over the world."

Fighting in a makeshift ring in the grounds of the infamous Klong Prem prison with the Thai crowd chanting "fight, fight," Siriporn was on the attack from the start and repeatedly forced Miyano on to the ropes with a barrage of punches.

The intense afternoon heat took its toll on Miyano, who twice fell to the canvas as a result of Siriporn's relentless attacks, which drew rapturous applause from the few thousand prison staff, factory workers and taxi drivers who flocked to see her fight for freedom.
So, she wins a boxing match, and that gets her out of prison? I guess you could say she was extra motivated. There were some other unusual details at the fight as well:
Siriporn's sparring partners also watched the fight, while glamorous transvestites in high heels and skimpy outfits were allowed out of their cells to parade around the ring with placards at the beginning of each round.
Uhhhh...okay. Anyway, she became the first prisoner ever to win a world boxing title, and she's going to get out of prison three years early as a result. I hear on the outside, the ring girls are actually female.

Monday, April 02, 2007

That's not helping

I've never been busted for a DUI, but if it happened, I'd make damn sure I showed up for my court date stone cold sober. Thus guy? Not so much:
A man who arrived at court drunk for a drunken-driving hearing was again charged with driving under the influence, police said.

Paul H. Zeigler, 45, of Glen Rock, appeared at a preliminary hearing at the Shrewsbury district court on March 26 for a DUI charge from December.

Police said Zeigler appeared to be intoxicated at the hearing, according to police records.

After his court appearance, Zeigler failed a portable breath test for alcohol and was taken into custody for a blood test, police said.
It turns out the dumbass drove to court, too, so he got another DUI. Hopefully, they'll be revoking his license.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Fantasyland

While Rick Moran is struck dumb by some lefty idiot's vision of a country ruled these last six years by the wise and just Manbearpig, well, me, I've got a song in my heart:
One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning
Down the track came a hobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning
I'm headin for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountains
So come with me we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs
The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay
Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks
I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Rock Candy Mountains
Of course, Manbearpig (with the help of Sandy "Socks" Berger) would've prevented 9/11, persuaded Saddam to be nice without any nasty, bellicose sabre-rattling, and there probably wouldn't be any more more global warming, either! If only they'd counted the votes a few more times, why, just think of it! Seriously, read the whole thing to see just how wonderful life could've been.

(Via Allahpundit.)