Knock knock, can I cop a feel?

You know, this kind of thing never works. Or...uh...so I've been told.

A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

That was when she became suspicious? I think I would have been suspicious when a dirty old man showed up at my front door offering to feel me up, but that's just me. I'm kind of a prude.

The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital.

"He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams," sheriff's spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement.

And they say nobody does housecalls anymore. There's a reason for that, you know--it's because real doctors don't tend to do housecalls anymore, especially not when they're just "in the neighborhood offering free breast exams." Think, people.