The LA Times hits a new low

I wrote about identity politics yesterday, a topic that I'd like to return to today because of something I heard about on Larry Elder's show this evening. This Los Angeles Times column about Claude Allen, the former domestic policy advisor to President Bush who allegedly stole about $5,000 from retail stores, is some of the most disgusting, racist crap I've ever read, but the author is black, so I guess most leftists would rationalize it as being okay.

I don't support conservatism in its current iteration, and I support black conservatives even less, but we cannot ignore the racial implications of this latest Republican fall from grace. Here is a decidedly white-collar black man getting clipped for a blue-collar crime associated with economic necessity, one that practically guarantees prison time for most black men in this country. (Even if he's ultimately convicted, it's doubtful that Allen will end up behind bars.)

Here is a man who, like most black conservatives, has had to do an awful lot of personal and political rationalizing to pay dues, which included apprenticing with then-North Carolina senator and habitual racist Jesse Helms and opposing the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday.

Got that? He stole stuff because he had trouble rationalizing being both black and conservative. Do you think the author, one Erin Aubrey Kaplan, would write something similar about, say, a white liberal advocate of race-based affirmative action if that hypothetical person were arrested for the same type of crime? Of course not. She just dislikes black conservatives, so we have to consider the "racial implications" of this matter. Yeah.

Allen, a lawyer, was also President Bush's top advisor on domestic policy in an era when domestic policy has been indifferent at best to the growing needs of the poor — the black poor especially. Bush is fond of this kind of symbolism: putting black faces in key positions in order to appear racially progressive. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if the faces actually were progressive or had a vision more pressing than being loyal to the president, but they don't.

That's a nice assumption there, that Bush puts "black faces in key positions in order to appear racially progressive." It couldn't be because, say, he thinks people like Colin Powell or Condoleeza Rice are qualified for their positions. Nope. They're just there as window dressing. Oh, and to parrot whatever Bush wants them to say. Because Clinton's cabinet members (like that black Secretary of State that he had whose name escapes me right now) were constantly disagreeing with him in public. Remind me again, who's the racist here?

Loyalty has been the price of admission to this administration, and black conservatives have proved to be more loyal than most.

That has unfortunately, but not always unfairly, invited comparisons to slave times, when the most loyal blacks were those who worked in closest proximity to their white masters — house Negroes, as they were derisively known. Such Negroes gained privilege but lost standing in their own community, a price that might have been reasonable if they were eventually granted the same status as the whites they so assiduously served. They weren't, of course; race has always mattered. And it matters now, though the dynamic is more subtle and devious.

I bet you didn't see that coming, did you? Because nobody has ever, ever compared black conservatives to "house Negroes" before. And black conservatives, as the author knows in her heart of hearts, are just a joke to white conservatives, who subtly and deviously discriminate against them somehow. And this is a doubly bad deal for the black conservatives, who lose standing in their own community for the unpardonable sin of failing to automatically vote for a candidate with a "D" behind their name. Heaven forbid that people should vote for what they believe in, if their skin happens to be a certain color. Good God, this woman is a hack of the worst kind.

It's hard to imagine that such compromises and cognitive dissonance don't exact a psychological toll at some point, and Allen's alleged dabbling in crime might have been that point for him...After a career of always conducting himself appropriately, as his mentor Clarence Thomas reportedly advised, did he finally crack under the pressure?

Ah, she's gone further now than she did in the first excerpt I quoted. You see, Allen's conservativism was actually a mental illness. After all, if you're black, you'd have to be crazy to vote Republican. Literally so, I guess.

I got over being amazed that major newspapers would print trash like this a long time ago, but this is just intellectually lazy and, yes, racist crap. The Times has sunk to a new low.

A few unrelated thoughts

•I'm watching a documentary on PBS about the Mamas & the Papas right now (there's not much else on) and damn but Michelle Phillips was teh hottness back in the day. Something tells me Peter Fonda would have some good stories about her. Really good stories.

•It's really funny to hear someone with a measured, professional speaking voice just totally f'n lose it. Plenty of salty language at that link, by the way.

•Now that I find out that Michelle Phillips is older than my parents, I'm a little weirded out. But still...

Mrrrrrrow!

Never too young for identity politics

I don't know if any of you are familiar with this story, but basically it's about a 7-year-old girl named Autum Ashante who gave what ABC News called "a racially charged performance at a middle school" during a Black History Month event in New York.

Now, I think the little girl should be able to say whatever she wants, so long as it's not offensive or obscene, and I don't even really care that she had only the black kids in the audience stand up and recite "The Black Child's Pledge," since this was at a Black History Month event--already a little divisive there, you might say. I'm really interested in the idea that she supposedly wrote the following stuff all by herself:

Ashante then presented her poem "White Nationalism Put U In Bondage," which rails against Christopher Columbus, J.P. Morgan and Charles Darwin: "White nationalism is what put you in bondage. Pirate and vampires like Columbus, Morgan and Darwin."

"Black lands taken from your hands, by vampires with no remorse," the poem states. "They took the gold, the wisdom and all of the storytellers. They took the black women, with the black man weak."

Now, reading the article, you find out that she's been performing poetry in public since she was 4 and that she has appeared on Showtime at the Apollo and Def Poetry Jam, so she's obviously something of a prodigy. She's also homeschooled, presumably by her father, with whom she lives, so he can choose the curriculum he wants to teach her.

I'm just saying that your average 7-year-old girl is usually preoccupied by things other than "White Nationalism" and J.P. Morgan--candy and unicorns come to mind, actually. Granted, 7-year-olds may know about Columbus and pirates and vampires, but J.P. Morgan? And what does Charles Darwin have to do with oppressing black people? I'm just saying that she may have written it, but somebody put those particular bees in her bonnet. Judging by the "U" in the poem's title, I'm guessing it was Prince.

On the bright side, I guess she'll be more than ready for a modern liberal arts education when she gets to college.

It's a violent day in the neighborhood

Okay, this kind of thing looks cool in the movies, but...

A Mexican couple were recovering separately after a marital spat got out of control and saw them firing guns, throwing knives and hurling homemade bombs, Mexican daily Milenio said on Monday.

In scenes taken straight out of hit romantic comedy "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Juan Espinosa and Irma Contreras fought until their house blew up in a homemade gasoline bomb explosion, Milenio said.

Oh, who am I kidding? That sounds friggin' awesome! I mean, who wouldn't want to see their neighbors fight a gun battle and blow up their house? Assuming, of course, that nobody else got shot or had their house catch on fire or anything. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see if the couple can put the shattered pieces of their lives back together (literally) and reconcile.

Espinosa told reporters he was glad his wife had suffered burns, while Contreras said she was only sorry she had not "hacked off his manhood" during the fight.

Um, I guess that would be a no. Probably not.

Oh, weak!

It looks like Chef won't be dispensing any more sage advice to Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman (whose voice you should imagione when reading the title of this post) or making sweet love down by the fire. Isaac Hayes in quitting South Park.

Hayes, who has played the ladies’ man/school cook in the animated Comedy Central satire since 1997, said in a statement Monday that he feels a line has been crossed.

“There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins,” the 63-year-old soul singer and outspoken Scientologist said.

I had a feeling that this might happen, since the show went after Scientology with the "Trapped in the Closet" episode.

Anyway, Matt Stone, the show's co-creator, isn't taking this lying down. He has some pretty harsh words for Hayes.

“This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem — and he’s cashed plenty of checks — with our show making fun of Christians.”

[...]

Stone told The AP he and co-creator Trey Parker “never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin.”

Give 'em hell, Matt. I'm a big fan of religious tolerance, but Scientology is more of a money-making cult, and Scientologists just piss me off in general.

What, me Wal-Mart?

I honestly had no idea about this part of Hillary!'s past until a couple of weeks ago, but it's interesting nonetheless.

With retail giant Wal-Mart under fire to improve its labor and health care policies, one Democrat with deep ties to the company Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has started feeling her share of the political heat.

Clinton served on Wal-Mart's board of directors for six years when her husband was governor of Arkansas. And the Rose Law Firm, where she was a partner, handled many of the Arkansas-based company's legal affairs.

Clinton had kind words for Wal-Mart as recently as 2004, when she told an audience at the convention of the National Retail Federation that her time on the board "was a great experience in every respect."

Given the rather tenuous relationship between Hillary! and ethics in the past (*cough* law firm billing records *cough*), it's not really going to come as much of a shocker which way this story is going to turn out.

But in recent months, as the company has become a target for Democratic activists, she has largely steered clear of any mention of Wal-Mart...

Nope, no surprise there.

Actually, the only surprising thing about this (other than the fact that an AP reporter wrote about something that could be potentially embarrassing for Hillary!) is that much of the story details efforts she made during her time on the board to enact "progressive" reforms within the company--not something you'd think she'd be shy to talk about. Then again...

"There's no evidence she did anything to improve the status of women or make it a very different place in ways Mrs. Clinton's Democratic base would care about," said Liza Featherstone, author of "Selling Women Short: The Landmark Battle for Worker's Rights at Wal-Mart."

I suspect that people like Liza are going to gripe about Wal-Mart no matter what, so Hillary! can't win here. So sad.

Enjoy seeing naked senior citizens?

If you answered "yes" to that question, you'll be happy with the following news:

It may not be what Sharon Stone wants to discuss, but the actress is happy to confirm that, yes, she does indeed get naked in her next movie, the sequel to the 1992 hit "Basic Instinct."

In Israel to promote International Women's Day, Stone was badgered not about the fairer sex, but instead about her role as a sexed-up serial killer in "Basic Instinct 2" on Wednesday.

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, that a woman whose biggest claim to fame was flashing her snatch on the big screen nearly fifteen years ago wouldn't be taken absolutely seriously. Shocked and appalled. Well, appalled, anyway.

"People are just sitting there going, like, 'I don't care what she's saying. I don't care what she's saying. I just want to know is she getting naked? Is she getting naked in that movie? Is she naked? Nude? Nude? Naked? Do I see her boobies?"' the actress, now 48, told reporters, laughingly.

"So let's just get through to that. Yes! And now that I've cleared that up, let's just go to the next question, because nobody cares about anything else, really," she said.

*hurmph* I'm sorry--I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I guess this means the sleepover is cancelled

It looks like the state of California is finally shutting down Michael Jackson's creepy ranch, but not for the reasons you might think.

The state barred workers from Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch on Thursday and fined the singer $69,000 because the estate's workers compensation insurance policy had lapsed.

The "stop order" was issued after a worker reported Tuesday that a co-worker who had been injured did not have the state-required health coverage, said Dean Fryer, spokesman for the California Department of Industrial Relations.

Regulators determined coverage for 69 employees at the ranch in Santa Barbara County lapsed on Jan. 10, Fryer said.

"In effect, it shuts them down," Fryer said. "They're not permitting workers to be employed."

Local animal welfare agencies have been called to take care of his freaky menagerie of chimps and giraffes, but there's no word on where the bones of the Elephant Man are going to be sent.

Boo-friggin'-hoo

This is just pathetic.

She tried to simply forget about it, but she couldn't. She was barraged with calls from friends who saw the page, and the humiliation and feeling of being violated caused her several sleepless nights.

"I always thought that it is something (that) only could happen to other people," Kim said.

And just what happened to her? Did someone post a nude photo of the young woman online? A sex video that she didn't know about? Nope. Somebody photoshopped a picture of her, making her look "silly."

Harsh.

Anyway, this is apparently an instance of "cyberviolence" in South Korea, which the article calls "a growing problem."

That includes anything from online insults to sexual harassment and cyberstalking, and complaints over such offenses more than doubled last year to 8,406, according to the Korea Internet Safety Commission. The most complaints were for slander, which tripled to 3,933 cases in 2005.

Now, sexual harassment and cyberstalking are serious problems, but if you can't handle getting flamed in the comment section of somebody's blog, you need to butch up there, Nancy.

Oh, and you should probably stay away from sites like, say, this one.

You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll...

If you're like me, and I know you are, you've been disappointed in the past with comedy pieces about orgies. Well, this one is different.

...nothing is worse than going to an orgy and feeling like you’re surrounded by perverts.

It's funny because it's true.

But can it play fetch?

Insert (heh) "bearded clam" joke here.

You are entering a dimension between the kind of cool and the very disturbing. A dimension between tasty shellfish and Golden Retrievers. There's a signpost up ahead: Next stop--The Furry Lobster Zone...

Divers have discovered a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blonde fur, French researchers said Tuesday.

Scientists said the animal, which they named Kiwa hirsuta, was so distinct from other species that they created a new genus and new family for it.

A team of American-led divers found the animal in waters 7,540 feet deep at a site 900 miles south of Easter Island last year, according to Michel Segonzac of the French Institute for Sea Exploration, or IFREMER.

...The animal is white and 5.9 inches long, about the size of a salad plate.

In what Segonzac described as a "surprising characteristic," the animal's pincers are covered with sinuous, hair-like strands.

There's no word yet on how the thing tastes, but since the French discovered it, I'm sure we won't have to wait too long to find out.

via Lee at Right-Thinking from the Left Coast

No longer Taboo...boo

There's an interesting article from the AP about certain vending machines that have been popping up in British bars, health clubs, and hair salons. The pink-colored "Tabooboo" vending machines sell sex toys like mini vibrators, and they'd previously been found in public restrooms, "under the assumption that such settings gave buyers some privacy." Makes sense, I guess.

But here's a weird quote from Geoff Todd, the manager of a London bar:

"Some people use it just because it's in the bar. Some make a special journey, maybe because they are to embarrassed to go into a sex shop," Todd was quoted as saying by Monday's The Guardian newspaper.

Ah, yes. Because it's much less embarrassing to buy sex toys from a machine in front of your friends, co-workers, and neighbors than it is to do so in the relative anonymity (so I'm told by, er, reliable sources) of the local porno store.

"The younger generation isn't phased by sex toys. They don't believe they equal pornography. Vending machines allow them to buy such products anonymously without going to a seedy sex shops to do so," [Tabooboo managing director Alan] Lucas said.

Right. Because you wouldn't want to look like some kind of pervert when you're buying a sex toy.

Bush is a lesbian!

Well, not really. But we've heard so many things about the man over the last six years--that he's Hitler or a moron or a terrorist--that I thought I'd take a minute to wildly exaggerate like all the other cool kids have. Especially now that we've found out that he's fixated on a rug.

Never let it be said that I'd pass up the opportunity for a cheap laugh.

Kirby Puckett, RIP

Dead form a stroke at the age of 45. I know he had some problems off the field in the last few years, but I always thought he was a class act as a player. I'm sorry to see him go.

Nitpicking

If I was going to make a video called "English Civil War" (WARNING: link contains graphic pictures of dead bodies) and wanted to use a song by the Clash as background music, instead of "London Calling," I might use something else. But that's just me.

Worst. President. Ever.

Take a guess as to who's been actively working against U.S. foreign policy, fellating Fidel, and carping about the Jooooooooos? Do I even have to say his name?

The fact that this man was once President is a strong indication of just how serious the nation's drug problems were back in the seventies. That, and the shag carpeting.

(via Ace)

"Earthy" prof resigns

Okay, so this is...a little weird.

A criminal justice professor at Grand Rapids Community College has resigned after showing a video in class of a man having sex with a pig, students and a faculty representative said.

A school administrator confirmed that Samuel Naves, 47, resigned Feb. 17, but would not comment on why he left.

I'm guessing it probably had something to do with, you know, the whole "showing a video of a man screwing a pig" thing. Probably.

However, students and a faculty leader said the resignation had to do with the video.

Shut up! Really?

Faculty association president Fred vanHartesveldt said the incident occurred this year. He said Naves was known for a blunt teaching style.

"His pedagogy was to teach real life," vanHartesveldt told The Grand Rapids Press. "His classes were very earthy. Some students took to that very well, and some students didn't."

And some of them probably didn't take too well to the whole "showing a video of a man screwing a pig" thing. Squares and prudes, mostly. The "earthier" students--the ones who can handle "real life"--were probably cool with it.

Zombies!

Or is it g-g-ghosts?

The living dead beat rhino horn to be named Oddest Book Title of the Year.

Bookseller magazine gave the award Friday to a self-help book on being haunted entitled "People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It."

In a close fight, the runner-up was "Rhino Horn Stockpile Management: Minimum Standards and Best Practices from East and Southern Africa."

Did you ever get the feeling that some people don't understand how to use words? I've got that feeling right now.

The impossible happens

I just don't believe this.

Two concert-hall ushers were shot during a show by rapper Kanye West, police said.

West Midlands Police said the men were wounded at the National Exhibition Center, near Birmingham in central England. They were taken to hospital with non life-threatening injuries.

[...]

"Firearms were discharged and two stewards were taken to hospital with gunshot wounds. Their injuries are not believed to be life-threatening," the force said in a statement.

Now it's not that I'm shocked that violence would erupt at a hip-hop show. No, I'm surprised that it could happen at all in the UK, which has some of the most restrictive gun control laws in the free world. I mean, if nobody can own guns, shouldn't this sort of thing be impossible?

Hm...I guess not, when you have the BBC admitting in a 2004 article that "Over the past five years the number of firearms-related injuries and fatalities have risen dramatically."

Oh, but the guys who did the shooting were probably criminals, and they wouldn't be too likely to abide by those strict gun control laws, would they? I guess that's sort of a flaw in the whole ban on guns, isn't it?

They're not just for women and Shatner anymore

I know my readers pretty well, so I know you'll be interested in this story about international underpants:

As Japanese waistlines expand, so is the market for girdles -- for men.

A new line of male underwear that flattens the stomach and lifts the hips proved so popular when introduced on a trial basis last month that some stores quickly sold out.

Lest you think this is just a Japanese thing, this article from a Indiana newspaper mentions that "Under Armour, a Baltimore maker of stretchy exercise clothes, is doing a brisk business with boomer men, some of whom wear the company’s shorts as girdles under trousers."

But back in the Land of the Rising Sun...

"Men are getting so much more fashion conscious these days that they're starting to pay attention to the lines of their body and their silhouette, just like women," said a spokeswoman at Triumph International Japan, a leading underwear firm.

Triumph marketed two different types of "long girdle" -- one from the navel to the knees, and the other a "hip hugger" version to be worn with low-waisted pants.

You're probably aware that I'm a pretty conservative guy, but what the hell is going on in the world these days? I mean, it's bad enough that men are wearing girdles, but hip hugger girdles for low rise jeans? I think I'll stick to my regular boxers and khakis, thank you. Sheesh.