Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A quick note for the people who run ABC

Hi guys, Sean here.

We're living in the 21st century now, and this means that most of us have internet connections and many of us also have DVRs.

I bring these facts up because I was just catching up on Jeopardy, which I recorded last night, and was distressed to find out that a significant part of the program (which is one of my few simple pleasures in life) was interrupted by a news report about some primary election results.

Now, this is information that some people would doubtlessly be interested in, but they would be able to find out later during their regularly scheduled news broadcasts. They could probably wait. Now, on the other hand, if they really wanted that information right away, they could check a variety of websites, including that of ABC News. If, on the third hand, they happened (as I was) to be watching this program at a later date, the imposition of George Stephanopolous (I don't care if I spelled that correctly) and Diane Sawyer on their regularly scheduled program would be worse than useless. In fact, it would simply be a GREAT BIG FUCKING ANNOYANCE, causing them to SEETHE INSIDE WITH THE HATRED OF A MILLION BURNING SUNS.

So, for future reference, unless the president dies or the moon explodes or the president dies in a lunar explosion, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF JEOPARDY.


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Living up to its name

If you were planning on taking a vacation in a certain area of South Carolina, prepare to be disappointed/relieved:
The U.S. Forest Service said a South Carolina camp site known as Hell Hole may be closed to camping due to unsanitary conditions.

Sumter National Forest rangers said the camp site, near the Chauga River, has become unsanitary due to trash and human waste left behind by campers, WSPA-TV, Spartanburg, S.C., reported Tuesday.
Not to worry, though. Other local camping destinations such as "The Pit of Despair" and "The Municipal Dump" will remain open during the cleanup should you still want to sleep outdoors in filth.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

It's been a good day

First of all, my family went down to the San Diego area for my Great Aunt Thelma's 90th birthday party. I got to see nearly all of my West Coast relatives, and a good time was had by all.

When I got back, I found out that my best friend, Andy, asked his girlfriend to marry him, and she said yes. Then, he asked me to be his Best Man. That's the greatest honor I think anybody has ever given me. I said yes, of course.

Then, I found twenty dollars.

All in all, not too shabby.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012


You know, I could make some kind of a crass joke about the following story, but I sort of wasted the only decent one on the headline.
The Martin County Sheriff's office said Maureen Raymond, 49, of Port St. Lucie was pulled over around 9:20 p.m. Sunday by a deputy responding to a report of a reckless driver, TCPalm reported Friday.

Raymond, who the arrest report said smelled of alcohol and possessed an empty glass that smelled like it had contained an alcoholic beverage, told the deputy she could not comply with his instructions in the field sobriety test because of her "big boobies."

"I asked her if she wanted to attempt the task and she stated if I hold her hand," the arrest affidavit states. "I asked her again if she would like to attempt the task and she stated not really because she has big breasts."
I'm going to go ahead and assume that the sobriety test the officer was trying to get her to perform wasn't the one where they ask you to recite your ABCs. At least, I hope not.