Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Oh, hell no

Hey, what do you know--I'm actually still alive! I've been a little busy over the past few months and, quite honestly, I haven't really seen anything that's piqued my interest enough to write any lame jokes. That is, until I saw this:
The city of Irwindale is apparently not among the legions of fans of the wildly popular Sriracha hot sauce — or, at least how the chili sauce smells.

The city has filed a public nuisance complaint in Los Angeles Superior Court against the makers of Sriracha, demanding the company halt operations at its processing plant until it stops creating odors that have generated complaints by residents.

The complaint filed against Huy Fong Foods Inc., which lists Sriracha as one of its most popular products on its website, seeks temporary, preliminary and permanent injunctions “enjoining all operations on … the subject property until (Huy) abates the public nuisance herein by preventing and causing the emanation of the strong, offensive chili odor.”
Most of you may not understand how much anxiety this is causing me. Let me put it like this--when I heard the news, I was actually wearing this shirt:

I put this stuff on damn near everything. After any given meal, I actually have a measurable blood Sriracha content. I will go into physical withdrawal should my supply of the stuff get cut off.

Now, if there actually is some kind of problem involving the manufacture of this wonderful, magical elixir, I'm sure there's some way that this can be solved to everyone's satisfaction. Like, and I'm just spitballing here, maybe all of the crybabies who are bellyaching about this could move to a different city and let the good people at Huy Fong Foods continue doing God's work. Yes, I think that's probably for the best.

Thursday, July 04, 2013

Big blimpin' on the 4th

I found this picture last night, and it raises so many questions: Was this the way we used to celebrate Independence Day? Did Uncle Sam have a more Santa Claus-ish role back then? Who are the two chicks riding with him? Did we abandon this tradition (if it was a tradition) because of an unfortunate blimp/fireworks accident?

Anyway, I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July, and that you all finish the day's festivities with the same amount of fingers you had going into it.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Memorial Day

I'm hardly the first person to point this out, but this holiday isn't really about "the unofficial beginning of summer," or going to the beach, or having a barbecue, though all of those things are very nice indeed. No, it's about honoring those brave men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country.
Now, normally, I wouldn't point to a country song as an example of that because I'm not really that much of a country music fan, but I would urge everyone watch the following video and read this article about how the song was written. That is what this holiday is all about.
Via Andy over at the HQ. And be sure to click on that link for an extra layer of detail.

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Since it's Friday night...

...and I've been neglecting the hell out of this blog as of late, how about a nice pic of The Doctor's new companion, Jenna-Louise Coleman?

Not that I'm complaining or anything, but she's awfully tan for a British chick, huh?

Friday, March 29, 2013

Dear At-Risk Youth,

I understand that selling grout cleaner door to door is hard work and all, but rejection is just part of the game. Try not to look so crestfallen when people like myself aren't interested in your off-brand cleaning products. And please don't take my lack of interest as a sign that I want you to join a street gang, because I really don't want that to happen.

love and kisses,
Sean M.

p.s.: If you're gonna wear a tie, tuck in your shirt.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

"It's so crazy that it just might work!"

I have a sneaking suspicion that somebody uttered that phrase right around the time that this plan was hatched:
Declaring war against invasive brown tree snakes infesting the Pacific U.S. territory of Guam, wildlife officials plan this spring to bomb the island with dead baby mice stuffed with a common pain-killing medicine that is poisonous to the reptiles.
The dead "infant" mice (and if PETA wasn't already upset about the idea of killing the snakes, those ought to get their shorts in a twist) are going to be stuffed with acetaminophen, which is good for headaches but bad for snakes.

Oh, and the plan gets a little more harebrained, too...
In an attempt to keep the baited mice off the ground, each tiny rodent will be attached to a strand of ribbon between pieces of cardboard designed to drop in a loop and catch in the canopy of trees, he said.
Awwww...the idea of tiny mouse parachutes sounds kind of cute, huh? Until you remember that we're basically talking about festooning an island with baby rodent carcasses that will be eaten by snakes, that is.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Inconsiderate proposal

So, this happened not too far from here the other day:
With the help of his biker friends, a motorcyclist briefly shut down the 10 Freeway in West Covina to propose to his girlfriend amid a cloud of pink smoke. Now the California Highway Patrol is investigating.

Videos of the Sunday afternoon proposal were posted on YouTube and have collected thousands of views.

Now CHP investigators are reviewing the videos, said Officer Jose Barrios. Possible citations include impeding or blocking traffic, he said.

"It's illegal," Barrios said. "They're not allowed to do that."
The couple have been identified as Hector Martinez and Paige Hernandez, and you can call me a heartless jerk, but I kind of hope Hector spends some time in jail for this. Thankfully, nobody got hurt during the course of this jackassery, but when I look at the following video, all I can think about is what could have happened if, say, a heart attack victim in an ambulance was stuck in the traffic jam behind these idiots...
You know, seeing as how Southern California is also the home of the Freeway Shooting, they're lucky none of the potential road ragers back there were feeling particularly violent that day. Or were late for a wedding.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Happy New Year!

Well, it's time once again to close the door on the year that was and look forward to the one that's here. Or something. Personally, things are off to an auspicious start here, seeing as how birds crapped on my windshield twice before 9 a.m. Yeah.

Anyway, I'd just like to wish everyone health, happiness, and prosperity for the coming 365 days. I'm sure none of us is going to get everything we want, but hopefully we'll all get at least a few of the things that we need.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Xmas, everybody!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, that you were able to spend it with friends and family, and that you got some nice gifts. Also, if you were naughty, I hope Santa wasn't able to track you down.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A little Christmas comedy

I don't know if I've ever put this up here before, but Patton Oswalt's bit about the song "Christmas Shoes" is one of my favorite things about this time of year. Before you click play, heed this CONTENT WARNING: this cute cartoon about a Christian rock song is not for kids.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Since it's Friday night...

...and I haven't done one of these things in ages, here's a photo of actress Jennifer Lawrence wearing a one-piece bathing suit and a leather jacket:

I'm 99% certain that nobody actually dresses like this, but, hey, it looks good on her.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for a lot of things this year. Family, friends, health, and happiness. I hope everyone reading this has been similarly blessed.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Election Day

I'd like to remind everyone to get out there and exercise your right to vote today.

That is, unless you happen to disagree with me, in which case, I'd like to remind you to stay home.  I mean, there are several, um, quality movies such as Mongolian Death Worm on SyFy today. Yeah.