Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Love, Japanese style

A group of Japanese men declared today "Beloved Wives Day," in order to "encourage the nation's legions of workaholic husbands to head home early and show their wives some appreciation."
The group, which calls itself the "Japan Doting Husbands Association", urged men to get home by 8 p.m. and say thanks to their wives for all they do.
That sounds like a nice thing to do, especially since divorce rates are rising in Japan. Although they still have a way to go before catching up to us--only about one in three marriages ends up in divorce over there. Take that, Japan!
The group urges men to improve the marital mood through five "golden rules" including going home early, calling wives by their given name and looking them in the eyes when talking.

Many Japanese husbands call their wives "you" rather than addressing them by name, or in some cases merely grunt.
Okay, I was on board with the whole thing until I read that part. This is obviously the result of a conspiracy by a bunch of hairy-legged feminist types. I mean, next thing you know, they'll be letting women vote and own property and leave the house by themselves.

That way lies madness, people. Sheer madness.

Waiting is the hardest part

Well, I hope that was the hardest part:
A man who was stopped for driving erratically on a divided highway was distracted because he was looking at pornography, authorities said.

David Kennedy, 33, of Nashville, was charged with felony reckless endangerment after motorist Deborah Dotson reported Friday afternoon that he nearly ran her vehicle off State Route 840 several times.
What is it about guys with that particular last name endangering the lives of women while driving?

Okay, so that was a cheap shot, but I just couldn't pass it up. Anyway, back to the topic at, er, hand...
"When I made contact with the driver of the suspect vehicle, a Mr. David Kennedy, there were several pornographic magazines on the seat next to him," [Rutherford County Deputy Tony] Hall said in his report.
I mean, come on Dave, it's not like this was beer that was going to get warm before you got home. After all, patience is a virtue, even if what you were going to do with those magazines isn't, exactly.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Speaking of insane Democrats

Expose the Left has video of Ted Kennedy losing it on the Senate floor today during the Alito debate. It'd be good for a chuckle, if it weren't for the fact that the man is a United States f'n Senator! I mean, are they putting something in the water up in Massachusetts or something?

(via Michelle Malkin, who has her own transcripts of Ted's meltdown)

Psychotropic drugs aren't cheap

So, it seems a bunch of Dems are steamed at Howard Dean for spending "nearly all" of the DNC's cash. In fact, Drudge is reporting that the DNC only has about $5.5 million in the bank, compared to the RNC's $34 million. I'm sure this is all Karl Rove's fault, somehow. It always is.

Anyway, good luck taking back Congress this fall, Donks. Maybe you could hit up George Soros for a few bucks.

Thanks, Oprah

I'm pretty sure that Oprah had the folks from this post of mine on her show today. If you're too lazy to click on the link, I'm talking about the brothers who turned their dad in after recognizing him on a surveilance video of a bank robbery.

To make a long story short, the post is showing up on a bunch of search engines, and lonely housewives are making their way here to read about it.

And now you know why I really started blogging.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Let's see how the California GOP can bungle this one

So, it looks like Cindy Sheehan is mulling over a run at Dianne Feinstein's Senate seat later this year. Apparently, Feinstein is too much of a bloodthirsty warmonger for Sheehan's taste. Who knew?

Anyway, Feinstein's flacks are spinning a familiar yarn about why she supported the war in Iraq:
Feinstein's campaign manager, Kam Kuwata, said the senator "doesn't support George Bush and his war policies."

"She has stated publicly on numerous occasions that she felt she was misled by the administration at the time of the vote," Kuwata said by phone from California.
That's a winning position for you. "I was duped into voting for this by the stupid chimperor." And they wonder why they keep losing elections.

Meanwhile, not even Cindy f'n Sheehan is crazy enough to think she could win the Democratic primary.
"If I decided to run, I would have no illusions of winning, but it would bring attention to all the peace candidates in the country," she said.
Or maybe, just maybe it could split the Democratic vote by carving the moonbats (a big voting bloc here in California, by the way) away from Feinstein, leaving the door open for a Republican challenger.

Well, a boy can dream, anyway.

(link via Ace)

Friday, January 27, 2006


If Paul S. Sewell gets struck by lightning, he has nobody but himself to blame.
READING, Pa. -- One registered Republican won't be able to vote in the next election unless he appears at a Berks County Elections Board to explain the signature on his registration form.

The man is registered as Paul S. Sewell, Elections Director Deborah M. Olivieri said, but his form is signed "God."
I'm not really sure what his party affiliation has to do with anything. Maybe it's something about how Republicans are all a bunch of religious whackjobs--I know I am. As much as I love blogging, my first love will always be snakehandling.

Anyway, he claims it's a "legal mark like the 'X' used by people who are illiterate," and he says he has a good explanation as to why he uses it.
As the owner of a bail enforcement agency, he finds fugitives, he said.

"Whenever I go to arrest somebody, they say, 'Oh, God, give me another chance. Oh, God, let me go. I'll turn myself in tomorrow,'" Sewell said.
God, that's hilarious. Yeah.

There's no mention of Sewell's father, but it would be awesome if he was a carpenter. You know, just to round things out.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

It doesn't always pay to advertise

Well, not when you're selling crack, anyway.
The business cards got a response, but surely not what their owner had in mind when he had them printed up.

They came to the attention of Leavenworth police, who used them to make a drug arrest last week.

Sylvester J. Williams, 21, of Leavenworth, was charged Monday with possessing crack cocaine with the intent to sell it, Maj. Patrick Kitchens of the Leavenworth Police Department said...

He said police had heard for some time that Williams had been selling drugs in the area. "Then we heard that he was handing out business cards," the officer said. "In the course of our investigation we were fortunate to come up with one, and we gave him a call."
I would imagine a campaign based on word of mouth and, I don't know, getting people hooked on crack would probably be just as effective, if not moreso.

The inevitable decline of humanity begins

Bow down to your robotic master, puny human slaves!

Kiss your cushy jobs goodbye, people. The age of robot workers has begun--in Japan, of course.
Need temporary help on your company's reception desk? One Japanese employment agency is suggesting you try recruiting a robot.

For just under 50,000 yen ($430) a month, a fraction of the cost of a human temp, the PeopleStaff agency will dispatch Hello Kitty Robo, a robotic receptionist capable of sensing a visitor's presence, greeting him or her and holding simple conversations.
Sure, it's just robot temps now, but don't be surprised when one of these days, you get called into the boss's office, only to find out that he's been replaced and your new cybernetic overlord tells you that you're being transferred to an off-world mining colony to dig up the ore that will be used to build your cheaper, more competent robotic replacement.

Sounds far-fetched? Well, don't come crying to me when your kids end up as the batteries that power the Matrix.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Endangered Magical Species Act

Here in the States, you often hear developers grumbling about problems they face when a piece of land is designated as part of the habitat of an endangered species.

Now, we could get into a discussion about the merits of development vs. the merits of habitat conservation, but I don't feel like doing that right now. Instead, let us look to Scotland, where it seems a developer recently ran into, shall we say, a sillier set of circumstances:
VILLAGERS who protested that a new housing estate would “harm the fairies” living in their midst have forced a property company to scrap its building plans and start again.
You read that right folks. Fairies. The magical kind, not the San Francisco kind.

That's pretty funny, right? Well, I guess it is, if you're not the developer.
Marcus Salter, head of Genesis Properties, estimates that the small colony of fairies believed to live beneath a rock in St Fillans, Perthshire, has cost him £15,000.
According to this site, that's just shy of $27,000! For fairies!

Salter originally wanted to move the rock, which prompted the outcry. When he decided to work arounf\d the rock, that still wasn't good enough for the locals, who said that the fairies would be "upset." This is about the time that I'd snap and go on a killing spree, but apparently Salter agreed to move the development. The man must have the patience of a Saint.

Luckily, cooler heads within the local government have prevailed. Oh, wait. No they didn't:
The Planning Inspectorate has no specific guidelines on fairies but a spokesman said: “Planning guidance states that local customs and beliefs must be taken into account when a developer applies for planning permission.” Mr Salter said: “We had to redesign the entire thing from scratch.”
Thankfully, my local planning commission isn't full of superstitious dopes and hippies, which is why we've been able to live here in our lovely home in the Indian Burial Ground Estates for so many years.

Now, if I could just get that vortex into hell behind the refrigerator to close...

(via Ace)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Happy New Year? That Depends.

Remember how I had a post the other day about Malaysian Chinese men wearing lucky red underpants? Well, I guess those would be considered lucky, compared to the undergarments some other Chinese people have to wear during the lunar New Year:
Migrant workers in south China are wearing adult diapers on packed trains heading home for the Lunar New Year holiday because they have no access to a toilet, state media said Tuesday.

About 120 million peasants from China's vast rural areas swarm the cities for work and all try to make it home for the holiday, filling all standing room on trains and making access to the toilet impossible during trips often lasting 24 hours or more.
That sounds like fun, no?

It's funny. People are always talking about how China is going to be the next big economic superpower, with some even saying that they're going to pass us by in the near future.

But I think some of these people forget that while the Pacific coast of China looks modern and glitzy--and there is an amazing amount of prosperity there, considering the fact that it's only been about 30 years since China escaped Maoism--the bulk of China is still made up of millions and millions of peasants.

This kind of thing, to my mind, shows that China's still not quite ready for primetime.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Global warming kills

Damn that Bush and his stubborn refusal to sign the Kyoto treaty! How many more must die in this unseasonable heat wave or from rising ocean waters before you see fit to sign--wait, what's that?
MOSCOW -- The bitter cold seizing Russia retained its icy grip Monday and severe freezing temperatures spread westward into much of Europe. More than 50 people have been reported killed by the cold wave in Russia, and scores of victims were recorded elsewhere in Europe over the weekend.
Whatever. As Tim Blair noted earlier this winter, Greenpeace's director in Quebec claimed that "Global warming can mean colder, it can mean drier, it can mean wetter. That’s what we’re dealing with."

So bundle up, Europe. Global warming means you'll be freezing to death sometime soon.

At last!

Somewhere on the east coast, David Letterman is smiling:
More than a decade after 16-year-old Amy Fisher had a sexual relationship with a much-older car mechanic and shot his wife in the face, the one-time "Long Island Lolita" and Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco have agreed to appear together in a televised reunion...

"It's time to just put it behind us," Fisher, now 31, told the newspaper. "We played this all out in a public eye. It'd be interesting to let the public see the healing process at the end. They saw everything else _ why not let them see the final product?"
Ah, yes, because nothing quite says "let's get this whole media circus behind us once and for all" like a teevee special. And I'm sure most people will really be tuning in to find out about the "healing process," and not at all to rehash the lurid details of the whole thing. Right, Joey?
"There's going to be a lot of shocking revelations, and that's why I'm excited to sit down to do this," he said.
There's that legendary Joey Buttafuoco class for you.

Anyway, there may be hope for us yet, since the program has not yet found a network buyer. I mean, what are the odds that one of our fine networks will pick up something so unbelievably crass?

Oh, crap.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

¡Que viva los videos de Mexico!

Am I a racist for thinking that this is absolutely hilarious?

Probably, but that doesn't change the fact that it's funny as hell.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Hey, UK South Park fans!

I'm not a fan of the Scientologists. There are lots of reasons for that, but the biggest is that they bought the hospital I was born in, painted it sky blue, and turned it into world f'n Scientology headquarters. I'm not kidding.

At any rate, a certain psychology-hating hyper-hetero *cough* Scientologist actor (I think you know who I'm talking about) apparently doesn't want fans of South Park in the UK to see an episode of the show that pokes fun at him.

To put it bluntly, fuck him and the phony "religion" he rode in on. You ought to be able to see it if you want to, and you can (for free!) by clicking here. Enjoy!

(via it comes in pints? and guest-blogger WunderKraut over at AoSHQ.)

Friday, January 20, 2006

Is there a theme going on here?

Well, judging from today's first post, and now this...
Authorities here [in Uzbekistan], citing the "unbridled fantasy" that the newfangled thermal undergarments could spark if left unchecked, have ordered an immediate halt to sales of men's and women's underwear lined on the inside with animal fur, apparently the brainchild of a local entrepreneur.
Seriously, folks, I didn't plan this. International Underpants News Day just kinda seemed to happen on its own.

And anyway, what kind of "unbridled fantasy" does the thought of furry underwear conjure up? Is Uzbekistan filled with He-Man fetishists or something?

Update: Great. It just occurred to me that this post is now going to attract all sorts of people Googling the phrase "He-Man fetishists."

Update 2: Welcome, He-Man fetishists!

Do you feel lucky?

So, Chinese New Year is coming up, and apparently, according to this article, "Red men's underwear emblazoned with auspicious animals and characters have become the rage among Malaysian Chinese."

I know a little bit about Chinese culture, and luck is considered very important therein. The article also points out that the color red itself is very important to the Chinese, so I guess that may be why a clerk at one department store is quoted as saying that the spiffy red ones account for about 30% of their men's underpants sales.

Still, I can't help but wonder why they wouldn't just buy something like a red t-shirt emblazoned with lucky slogans like "golden fortune" or "swirling dragons," especially since a New Straits Times article on the lucky shorts is mentioned thusly:
[The] article was accompanied by a picture of three young women laughing while looking at a cut-at-the waist mannequin wearing the reversible bright red briefs with Chinese characters in gold. The underwear can be worn inside out to reveal red characters on gold fabric.
Uh-huh. Perhaps, like a certain other kind of brightly-colored underwear, they're not so lucky after all.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The End Times?

Well, it's not quite cause for, as Dr. Peter Venkman would say, "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria," but you've got to admit that this is pretty damn weird.

On the other hand, it could just be the basis for a fun, new, seizure-inducing anime series.

Life intrudes

New puppy to take care of + several work deadlines converging at once + cold that I just can't seem to shake = lack of posting.

Sorry about that.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Impressive, if 20 years or so late

Some guy from Cal Tech apparently set a new record for solving a Rubik's Cube this weekend:
"It's kind of scary now that I set it, because I have two more (attempts) to go," [20-year-old Leyan] Lo said humbly afterward. His time of 11.13 seconds broke the previous record of 11.75 seconds, set by Frenchman Jean Pons at the Dutch Open competition last year.
Thing is, he apparently didn't even win the competition, which is based on an average time taken from three attempts at solving the puzzle.

In related news, who the hell knew they still had Rubik's Cube competitions?!!

I mean, I don't know if the rest of you noticed, but it's kind of a new century.

Add German jurisprudence to the list of things that confuse me

Remember the German guy who killed another German guy in the course of trying to eat him? Well, he's back in court:
"I wanted to eat him, but I didn't want to kill him," Armin Meiwes, 44, told judges in three hours of testimony at his retrial.
Uh, okay...it looks like someone's parents never explained how we get meat.

On the other hand, he may have only wanted to eat part of his victim. I think you know where this is going...
He had admitted killing Berlin-based computer specialist Bernd-Juergen Brandes, 43, but was spared a murder conviction and a possible life sentence because the victim had demanded to be eaten.

Meiwes told the court, repeating much of his testimony from his first trial, that he had severed Brandes's penis at his request and that both had tried to eat it, without success.
The article doesn't say whether or not Meiwes tried to cook the, uh, meat, but I suppose that could have made a difference.

Anyway, there seem to be a lot of strange legal issues at work in this case. The defendant is back on trial because a higher court decided that the original trial court had given him a sentence that was too lenient, but his legal team has argued that he's only guilty of the crime of "killing on request," which is apparently considered a form of "illegal euthanasia," and carries a lesser sentence than murder.

Meanwhile, as if this wasn't already bad enough, the original trial court apparently "ignored the fact that Meiwes had filmed the slaying for later sexual gratification." Perhaps I'm a bit naive, but that kind of sounds like an important detail, if you asked me. Oh, and, EWWWWW!

And then, there's this:
Psychiatrists have found Meiwes deeply disturbed but sane.
I don't have any of your fancy shrink degrees, but I'm pretty sure that a guy who cuts off somebody else's naughty bits with the express idea of sharing them as a meal, and then tells the court that he decided to pray when his victim began losing blood, but didn't know whether to "pray to the devil or to God," probably shouldn't get the little hand stamp that says "Sane."

Monday, January 16, 2006

God-bothering conservative nutjobs

I'm so sick and tired of these right-wing politicians claiming that they know what God wants. "God is angry at America for this or that," or "God wants us to be more like..." these theocratic demagogues spout off, as if they know what God actually thinks. I swear, with the way they're always talking about God, the Republicans really ought to be teaming up with Bin Laden, instead of fighting him.

Wait, what's that you say? Ray Nagin is a Democrat? Huh. Nevermind.

Friday, January 13, 2006


The city of Westerville, Ohio used to be called the "dry capital of the world," and with good reason--none of the businesses in the town's uptown business district had served an alcoholic beverage since 1875. The Anti-Saloon League, one of those old-timey temperance groups, was even headquartered there in the early 20th century.

According to this story, all of that changed yesterday, when a pizza parlor began serving beer. The change is apparently meant to make the business district's restaurants competitive with those in new retail developments in another part of town.

Anyway, check out the story of the first beer sold in that part of town in 131 years:
"Here's to a new tradition in Westerville," local jeweler Bill Morgan said as he raised his plastic cup of Budweiser at Michael's Pizza.


Voters on November 8 approved licenses for beer and wine to be sold at Michael's Pizza and Pasquale's Pizza & Pasta, whose owner plans to start serving libations February 1.

The night of the election, Michael's Pizza owner Michael Evans said he would auction off the first beer, with the proceeds going to a local ministry.

Morgan, whose family has lived in Westerville for four generations, topped five other bidders to win the beer for $150.
A hundred fifty bucks for a f'n Budweiser? I'll never complain about the price of a beer at the ballpark again.

...Okay, so I lied about that last part.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Life imitates Chappelle's Show

Well, not really, but via Drudge comes the amusing story of a black police officer who was asked to lead a Colorado chapter of the Ku Klux Klan:
Problem was, the outgoing Klan leader didn't know that Stallworth is black.

"He asked me to take over the lead because I was a good, loyal Klansman," said Stallworth, who had been in constant phone contact with the Klan leader while leading a yearlong Colorado Springs police investigation into the Klan.


As a memento Stallworth still carries his Klan membership card — signed by David Duke.

"It was one of the most fun" investigations, he said. "Everybody said it couldn't be done."

Stallworth communicated with Klan leaders using the telephone. A white officer posing as Stallworth went to the meetings.
Another funny thing about the story is that Stallworth was leading an undercover investigation into a communist group that often showed up to protest at the Klan rallies that he was supposedly attending.

On a scarier note, his investigation turned up evidence that there were Klan members working at NORAD, proving that it's not just crazy Canadian defense officials that we have to worry about there.

Like they say, read the whole thing.

So, didja ever accidentally drown anybody, Sam?

Hey, kids! Here's a fun new game that you can play with the Senior Senator from Massachusetts! I bet Unca Teddy just can't wait to play!

(h/t: protein wisdom commenter mojo)

Irony defined

It's bad enough when a fire station is damaged by fire, but when the firemen themselves may have set the station on fire during the course of a barbecue celebrating the end of a "fire awareness promotional event," you begin to wonder whether or not God just enjoys messing with some people.

This never seems to happen at St. Peter's

I'm not making any value judgements here. I'm just pointing it out.

Update: Check out the comments for some interesting perspective on the Hajj from Muslihoon, whose parents made the pilgrimage this year.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

There's a market for this in Japan?

Naked News, the news channel which features, well, naked women reading the news, is apparently making its debut in the Land of the Rising Sun this week. The service has been available in North America, Europe, and Australia since 1999.

This wouldn't really be remarkable, except for the fact that the people who came up with the concept seem to have just now realized that there was a market for this sort of thing over there:
"We would not have dared to come to Japan unless we were convinced that there was a definite market, and we now see there is a massive market here..." eGalaxy Multimedia Inc. CEO David Warga said.
I mean, who could've forseen the idea that the people who brought us Hentai, vending machines selling used panties, and this kind of DEFINITELY NSFW extragaganza would enjoy naked ladies reading the news?

Anyway, the article goes on to say that they're initially going to provide their regular content with Japanese subtitles before branching out into original Japanese content. First, though, they've got some other issues to work out:
Another area being tested concerns the degree of nudity of the presenters. Initially, newscasters will strip to their underwear, but [Sunrise Corp. CEO Takuya] Uchikawa indicated that he hopes to be able to see how far Japanese obscenity broadcasting laws can be bent before they are broken.
You know, I don't use the word "hero" very often, but...

Oh, and just in case you were worried that you won't be getting serious information from the ladies at Naked News, check out Canadian-born presenter Lily Kwan, certified genius:
"I love being able to go out onto the streets and take my clothes off," she said. "While we have been in Tokyo, people have been very surprised to see us with no tops on, but they're very happy and interested in talking to us."
For real, Lily? I never would have guessed.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Uh, sure Larry, that's the ticket

In a story about the 23rd annual Adult Video Awards in Las Vegas, we find out that Larry Flynt was given yet another award for "free speech related to the industry" (Warning: link may not be safe for work because of some graphic content):
"Adult (entertainment) has gone to a $10 billion business, and it happened because it's a business that everybody cares about and takes seriously and I think we ought to remind the rest of the country about that," the wheelchair-bound Flynt said.
That's funny, because I could've sworn the adult entertainment business became hugely successful because horny people really rather enjoy looking at pictures and/or video of naked people doing...uh, things...nakedly. So very, very nakedly.

Huh. You learn something new every day.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Been Preoccupied

This is Riley. We picked him up on Saturday. I'm sure you can understand why posting has been light nonexistent over the past few days.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Les stupeed fat Americains!

Wit zere Beeeg Maques and ze Beeeg Gulp!

Oh, how you say..."wait just a goddamn second, Froggy?"

I don't know much about modern art

But I know that this is confusing:
PARIS -- A 76-year-old performance artist was arrested after attacking Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain" -- a porcelain urinal -- with a hammer, police said.

Duchamp's 1917 piece - an ordinary white, porcelain urinal that's been called one of the most influential works of modern art -- was slightly chipped in the attack at the Pompidou Center in Paris, the museum said Thursday. It was removed from the exhibit for repair.


During questioning, the man claimed his hammer attack on Wednesday was a work of performance art that might have pleased Dada artists.
That's a tough call, but I suspect they'd have been more pleased if he'd worn it around as a hat.

Anyway, it turns out that this is the second time the guy has vandalized the $3.6 million "artwork." Back in 1993, he actually peed into the thing, which shows that he's actually pretty deep or very funny.

Or maybe he just really needed to take a leak and saw an opportunity. Like I said, I don't know much about modern art.

Update: My father, having heard about the story, offers the distinct possibility that the guy is "nuts" and "maybe needs to be put away somewhere."

Jim Treacher finds his muse

It's the gal in the man-sized shoes.*


Thursday, January 05, 2006

News for nerds

•Researchers at some Missouri university have found the largest prime number ever. No word yet on how you're supposed to use it in real life.

•Scientists are set to reveal whether or not a skull in an Austrian museum was actually Mozart's. People who know the "secrets of eBay auctions" await the DNA test results with bated breath.

•Speaking of auctions, rich nerds take heed: a Dallas auction house is holding a special auction of the ten most valuable comic books ever later this month. While your friends will doubtlessly be impressed that you own a copy of Action Comics #1, girls will probably get a little more twitterpated if you spend your money on something like this. Either way, your mom still thinks you're cool.

•Looking for an excuse to avoid showering and human contact for days--or possibly weeks--at a time? Well, a new, "massively multiplayer" Dungeons and Dragons computer game hits North American stores February 28th! Better start stocking up on Mountain Dew now. I said, NOW!

•And finally, while Patrick Stewart may be feeling too old to command the Enterprise again, rumors are apparently swirling through the Trekkie world that Tom Hanks could appear in some sort of new Star Trek project. Will he be randy, like Kirk, or cerebral, like Picard? Answer: who cares?

Got a minute?

Then why not check out the fine "weblog" published by the crack young staff of The Hatemonger's Quarterly? They recently moved to some spiffy new munuvian digs, their stuff is always witty and informative, and (as far as I can tell), they were the first people to put me on their blogroll.

Thinking of robbing a bank?

Well, then you probably shouldn't use a vehicle with memorable personalized license plates as your getaway car:
Arlie Bichlmeier's personalized license plate reads "FINDME." Thanks to the plate, authorities did find him about 90 minutes after he allegedly tried to rob the Security National Bank branch in Laurel [Nebraska] on Wednesday.

Bichlmeier, 58, walked into the bank about 9:30 a.m. and indicated his intention to rob the facility, the State Patrol said. There was no weapon shown and the suspect fled the bank without any money, the Patrol said.

Witnesses described the suspects [sic] vehicle as a 1994 Black GMC pickup, specifically the eye-catching "FINDME" plate.
Somehow, it only took the cops about an hour and a half to find the guy. There was no word as to whether he was wearing a name patch sewn onto his jacket, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Anyway, I guess he'll have plenty of time to think about that license plate, seeing as how he'll probably be making them for the next 20-odd years.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Stalker terrorizes Washington community

Just when the residents of Anderson Island, Washington, thought they could breathe easy, this monster is back:
The "flower fairy" is back. Last spring flower bouquets and potted plants began appearing without explanation at the homes of numerous residents of this small island southwest of Tacoma.

After a summer hiatus, the practice has resumed, island Fire Chief Jim Bixler said.
The article doesn't say whether or not the cops have any leads, but let's hope they catch the bastard before this escalates.
Residents who received the deliveries said they heard a knock and answered the door to find a floral gift with a handwritten note saying, "Hope these make you smile." Each note is signed, "Love, the Flower Fairy."
Of course, this article is meant to be "cute," but when I leave my little "gifts" on womens' doorsteps under cover of night, the police put out an APB and alert the local news stations with a crudely drawn sketch that makes me look all sinister. I mean, how unfair is that?

What can I say, folks? I've got a lot of love to give.

Foodblogging, the LA Times way

From "Have we gone blog wild?"
WHEN food blogging was new (about 15 minutes ago), it was fun to pore over the gastronomic musings at the Accidental Hedonist or I Was Just Really Very Hungry. In those days, reading about what someone ate for dinner or which food magazine they liked best was kind of amusing. But quicker than you could say blogosphere, the world of blogs-by-dedicated-foodies got crowded, repetitive, overly precious and just plain dull.

These days, hyper-focus is in; generalism is passé. A food blogger who wants to stand out from the rest of the pack has to be specialized. Really specialized. And more and more, specialization is taking the form of pinpoint devotion to an exhaustive coverage of a minusculely narrow food-related topic.
Okay, then, here goes:

I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really don't care for capers very much.

P.T. Barnum: Architect of Middle East Terror

PETA's president almost started making sense at a recent conference in the Middle East:
Ingrid E. Newkirk said last Thursday at the International Nonviolence Conference in Bethlehem, “we call all attacks on civilians, whether against Palestinians in Jenin or Israelis in Tel Aviv, what they are: War crimes.”
Well, the Jenin thing that she mentions was actually a hoax, but let's give Ingrid credit for not coming right out of the gate with any lunacy about animals.
"If we want an end to violence, it means that we must first reject the slaughterhouse, the animal circus, and animal skins and remember that kindness to animals has been a cornerstone of every great religion in the history of the world," she added.
Oh. Well, that didn't take long.

You know, I'm all for an end to violence, and I think cruelty to animals for the sake of cruelty is terrible, but I don't think the first step on the road to an end to all war is the shuttering of slaughterhouses and the big top. In fact, I'm pretty sure tasty hamburgers and a visit to the circus are among a long list of things that have probably never started a war.

Anyway, I return you to the utter insanity:
"War is a frightening thing for all living beings. Every day, millions of animals, who pledge allegiance to no flag, and who have done nothing to provoke aggression, are the victims of the longest running undeclared war in human history: the war on the animal nations," Newkirk added.

In related news, the ambassador for the shrimp I just ate for lunch committed a war crime against was unavailable for comment.

Read the rest of the article for some more assorted chuckles, including the part where she says, "According to every biblical scholar, nonviolence and vegetarianism are God’s ideal." Which is why, if you think back to Sunday school, you'll remember God asking for so many sacrifices of soy-based animal substitutes.

(Newkirk craziness via Ace/Allah.)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Criminal Migrant shot, reactions predictable

So, a Border Patrol agent shot at a criminal sorry, "migrant," who was "sneaking across the border into California" (you know, illegally, but let's not nitpick) on Friday, apparently after the man threw a large rock at him. For exercise, presumably. Anyway, the "migrant" fled back into Mexico, where he apparently died the next day.

The shooting has prompted Mexican prosecutors to open an investigation into the incident, and is allowing Mexican politicians to make a stink (yet again) about our country's immigration policies:
Mexican officials are using the death to draw attention to a contentious anti-immigration measure approved by House of Representatives last month. Many Mexicans oppose the bill, which would build more border fences, make illegal entry a felony and enlist military and local police to help stop undocumented migrants.

A spokesman for Mexican President Vicente Fox says the death shows that extending border walls will not curb illegal immigration.
Uhhhh...how's that? I think a more fitting end to the article would be a sentence about how the death shows that Mexican politicos will use absolutely anything as a pretext to shift blame away from their country's problems, directing it northward.

I also don't notice any suggestions on what to do about the problems posed by illegal immigration drifting this way from our neighbors to the south. Don't like the fences? How about you propose some alternatives?

Oh, and while you're at it, you can knock off this kind of nonsense.

Shocking news!

The nation's biggest teachers' union apparently gives big, fat stacks of cash to left-liberal groups.

In other news, scientists say that water, in its liquid state, is still "wet."

Actually, the article is worth a read, especially to find out how hard unions fought to block the new disclosure rules that shed light on how they spread money around to advocacy groups--it's almost as if they have something to hide.

My favorite bit? The half a million bucks given to Washington state group "Protect Our Public Schools" to fight against charter schools which are--yes--public schools. Money well spent.

Monday, January 02, 2006

The second time, farce

Here we go again:
It's almost as if Sen. John Kerry never stopped running for president. He still jets across the country, raising millions of dollars and rallying Democrats. He still stalks the TV news show circuit, scolding President Bush at every turn.

His campaign Web site boasts of an online army of 3 million supporters.

The Massachusetts Democrat, defeated by Bush in 2004, insists it is far too early to talk about the 2008 race, but some analysts assume he has already positioning himself for another shot at the White House.

"Obviously, Kerry has all but said he wants another crack at the thing," said Neal Thigpen, a political science professor at South Carolina's Francis Marion University. "He's going to make a second try."
With most people already handicapping a Hillary! run in 2008, I doubt Kerry has much of a chance for a second bite at the apple, but we all know that the guy practically sees the presidency as a birthright.

Anyway, we'll see how this all turns out. Two years is a long time in politics, and Kerry may yet change his mind. In the meantime, some people (even besides James Taranto) are holding out hope that he'll be the Dem nominee again:
Kerry's image as a Northeast liberal with fuzzy views on major issues like Iraq would make him vulnerable once more, said [Ronald] Kaufman, who was White House political director for Bush's father, President George H.W. Bush.

"I go to bed every night praying Kerry is the nominee again," he said.
Somehow, I doubt that's the kind of endorsement he's looking for.


Ah, the folly of youth. It seems Chris Garnett, a 19-year-old PETA staffer, has decided to legally change his name to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com.
"People don't believe me at first when I tell them my name, but it never fails to spark a discussion," Garnett, er, KentuckyFriedCruelty.com, said in a statement.
I'm frankly shocked that people wouldn't believe that a (nominal) adult would be named KentuckyFriedCruelty.com--I mean, it just rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? And I mean, it's not like it's mind-numbingly stupid or anything. Oh, wait.
"Stacked" star Pamela Anderson, who has narrated a PETA video showing the alleged abuse, supports Garnett's name change.

"I'm sure Chris can't wait till KFC stops torturing chickens so he can change his name back," the actress said in a statement, adding that the chicken abuse "is awful and has to stop."
I believe this may be the first time in my life that I've ever become hungry for something out of spite. I mean, if we keep eating chicken, maybe Chris will never get to change his name back, and that gives me a happy. The only thing about this story that gives me pause about eating chicken is the fact that chickens may actually be smarter than certain human beings.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year's Eve. Myself, I had a grand old time at a friend's party out in West LA. Food, friends, cheap champagne, and drunken hijinks--who could ask for anything more?