Oh, snap!

So, Hugo Chavez went to the U.N. and called Bush "the devil." Big deal. You can find that kind of thing on a thousand lefty blogs every day. What I liked most about this story was something John Bolton said:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Chavez's remarks were "not becoming for a head of state."

"I am not going to dignify a comment by the Venezuelan president to the president of the United States," Rice told reporters in New York. The main U.S. seat in the assembly hall was empty as Chavez spoke, though the U.S. Ambassador John Bolton told The Associated Press that a "junior note-taker" was present, as is customary "when governments like that speak."

Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark.

So, how long do you think it will be before some Dem politico expresses outrage over Bolton's "insensitivity"?

Update: Video of Chavez's freakout is available at Hot Air.

Offense taken

When I began to read this article, I expected there would be obscenities or racial slurs, but...well, you'll see what I mean.

A book of rhymes handed out to kindergarten classes across Maine is being criticized by some parents as inappropriate. "Schoolyard Rhymes" is a compilation of 50 verses included in bags given to 18,000 pupils through the Read With ME literacy project supported by Gov. John Baldacci and his wife Karen.

Get ready to be scandalized, people...

A few of the rhymes have raised some eyebrows. For example, one says, "Ladies and gentlemen, Take my advice, Pull down your pants And slide on the ice." Another one says, "Girls go to Mars to get candy bars. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider."

Erica Smith of Hampden, mother of a 5-year-old son who goes to the McGraw School, said the book is "completely inappropriate."

"It's rude. There are words in there that I don't allow in my house," said Smith, who complained to her son's teacher as well as the school principal. She also called the governor's office to voice her displeasure.

Man, what a letdown. That kind of stuff was covered with dust and cobwebs when I was a little kid. Heaven forbid any frogs, snails, or puppydog tails get mentioned. There would be statewide fainting spells and they might even have to recall the governor.

"The game of the century so far"

That's what Cindy Brunson of ESPNews called this see-saw gem between the Padres and Dodgers, and I'm finding it hard to argue with that assessment. Seven home runs for the Dodgers (including four consecutive shots to tie the game in the bottom of the ninth--only the fourth time in history that that's been done, by the way), a rare blown save by star Padres closer Trevor Hoffman, two times that the Dodgers came back from four run deficits, and a walk-off homer by Nomar...wow. I just wish I'd been at Dodger Stadium to see it. The fans who were there are going to be talking about this game for years, especially if the Dodgers can gut it out and make it into the postseason.

We're doomed

Scientists have found a shark that can walk on its fins. Next thing you know, they'll be using tools and weapons. And smoking.

Pay attention, morons

I'm becoming more and more convinced that a lot of trouble and heartbreak could be prevented if people would just pay attention to what the hell they're doing. Case in point:

School officials apologized after an X-rated font was used on a third-grade spelling packet handed out to parents. The font showed male and female stick figures in provocative poses to form the letters of the alphabet.

Officials with the Monroe-Woodbury School District in Orange County [New York] apologized last week after parents at Pine Tree Elementary School were given the spelling packet at an open house.

Administrators said the teacher did not use the font intentionally.

Well, that's comforting. And hey, it could've been worse—at leasst it was handed out to the parents and not the kids themselves.

Appreciate modernity.

India may be the world's largest democracy, but in a lot of ways it's still a pretty screwed up third world country. Take this, for example.

The leaders of a village in the Indian state of Rajasthan ordered 150 men to dip their hands into boiling oil to prove their innocence after food was stolen from a local school, a newspaper reported Sunday.

In late August the school's principal informed police that rice and wheat had disappeared but no action was taken, the Sunday Express said.

The council, or panchayat, of Ranpur village, 340 km (210 miles) south of state capital Jaipur, then decided to take the law into its own hands.

After 10 days spent trying to identify those responsible, it issued what the paper called the "medieval diktat."

The 150 men from Ranpur and two neighboring hamlets were told to pick a copper ring from a cauldron of boiling oil. The council elders then announced that the 50 who refused the order must be behind the crime. Many are now nursing their burns.

As they say on South Park, dude, that's pretty fucked up right there! Seriously, edcucated, well-adjusted people just don't do something like that in this day and age.

"I really didn't have a clue."

Sometimes it pays to be detail-oriented. This would be one of those times.

When moviemakers told Gallatin, Tennessee, Mayor Don Wright they wanted to use his office to film a scene with a superheroine, he kindly obliged.

But Wright was startled when the movie's title, "Thong Girl 3," and his role in its making was splashed across the front page of Friday's editions of the Nashville Tennessean newspaper.

"I had no idea what the movie was about," Wright said on Friday. "They told me it was about a superhero woman and there was no nudity or offensive stuff in it. Other than that, I really didn't have a clue."

No clue? You don't say. You know, you might've been spared this sort of embarrasment if you had, oh, I don't know, asked them what the fucking title of the movie was!

Please tell me they cut out the vocals

Speaking of skinny chicks with minimal talent, Paris Hilton's new album has been remixed by Danger Mouse and snuck into British music stores, where the remix CDs replaced 400 copies of the regular version of the CD on the sly. For the remix version, graffiti artist Banksy also redid the artwork. You can see the slightly NSFW artwork here.

(First link originally left in a comment thread here at Treacher's other blog.)

Plus-size models to attack Milan

I'm outraged! If this fascist gets her way, people watching fashion shows in Milan may have to watch models who weigh (GASP!) more than eighty pounds!

Italy's fashion capital is in a tizzy over a ban on overly thin models at Madrid's fashion week, fearing it could be next with its own catwalk extravaganza less than two weeks away.

Milan's mayor, Letizia Moratti, told a newspaper this week that she may bring the Spanish ban on underweight models to Italian shows.

Madrid is turning away models whose body mass index, based on weight and height, falls below a certain level.

"With those kind of rules, we'd have to turn away 80 percent of models. Naomi Campbell wouldn't be able to walk down the catwalk, she'd be too thin," said Riccardo Gay, head of the model agency of the same name that used to represent Campbell in Milan.

He also said Madrid had exaggerated the issue.

"Some designers have used extremely thin models, but we haven't. We tell models to exercise, eat well, go to bed early — sensible rules," he added.

Yeah, and I'm sure they make sure to tell the girls to keep it to three lines of cocaine a night.

Madrid's regional government imposed the rules on fashion week to protect the models as well as teenagers who may develop anorexia as they try to copy underweight catwalk stars.

Mario Boselli, head of the Italian fashion industry's chamber of commerce, said anorexia was a "rare phenomenon" in the fashion business.

And drunkenness ia a "rare phenomenon" at frat parties. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go die of laughter.

Harshing mom's mellow

Education is important, and some parents decide to reward their kids when they do their homework, but this doesn't seem like a very good idea...

A woman facing drug charges admitted in court that she smoked marijuana with her 13-year-old son, often to reward him for doing his homework.

Well, just so long as she didn't smoke with him before he did his homework...

Amanda Lynn Livelsberger, 30, pleaded guilty to several misdemeanor drug charges Monday in Adams Country [PA] court and will be sentenced Nov. 27.

She admitted she had been smoking marijuana with her son since he was 11 and said she had also smoked with two of his friends, ages 17 and 18.

And thus ends the reign of the neighborhood's "cool mom," who, if you do the math, gave birth to her son at the tender age of seventeen. Sounds like someone needs some better decision-making skills.

The article doesn't mention whether or not the authorities were going to bogart her son.

Five years ago

I don't really have anything deep or original to say about the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks that someone else hasn't already said (and said more eloquently).

I just remember my brother waking me up that morning, telling me to turn on the TV. Something was going on in New York. We watched the events unfolding all day, unable to look away from what was happening in spite of the horror.

And then I remember the silence in the skies on that day and the following days, as all the flights were grounded. It was unnerving, not seeing or hearing anything up there.

I'll never forget that day, and that's the way it should be.

The chilling of dissent

No, I don't mean that Bu$hitler has forced the Dixie Chicks to play in Canada. I'm talking about the fact that a certain political party is calling for a teevee show to be yanked from the air before the public has seen it.

"Those fascist Rethuglikkkans ought to be stopped," one might say. But "one" would be wrong.

Who are the fascists now? I thought so.

Nude until winter

(Or, Another transparent attempt to lure pervert search engine hits to my blog by using the word "nude" in the title of a post)

Remember the Vermont town with all the nude teenagers that I posted about last month? Well, they're not going to put a ban on public nudity, deciding instead to rely on shrinkage to take care of it for them.

Mother Nature, not an ordinance, will draw the covers over public nudity in Brattleboro.

The town's Select Board decided Tuesday to take no action on an anti-nudity ordinance that was introduced in response to a clothing-optional movement launched by local teenagers this summer.

"Winter is coming. If spring comes and we still have a problem, we'll take another look at it," said Select Board Chairman Steve Steidle.

As I noted in my previous post, there's some hippy-dippy bullshit behind all of this public nudity, some of which was on display when the town debated a ban on public nudity:

One of the nudists, 19-year-old Adhi Palar, told the town board the issue was freedom.

"Our acting in nudity is an act of celebration of this history and traditional values as a place where you're allowed to be nude," he said. "I find that important, and I find that proud."

Uh...yeah. Take another hit off that bong, dude.

Not everybody is having fun here, though:

Town Manager Jerry Remillard said the town's image was tarnished by the uproar.

"We have been the brunt of phone calls from all over the world," Remillard said. "The media made this into nothing less than a circus."

Hard to believe that, in this day and age, people would show any interest in a bunch of teenagers parading around nude in public, isn't it? Next thing you know, they'll be attracting (gasp!) tourists.

Mom and Dad burn out

If your parents sell the house and make you live with them in a VW bus or move the whole family to some stinky hippie commune, don't say I didn't warn you. It seems they're reverting to their stinky hippie ways.

Some moms and dads might want to take a lesson from their kids: Just say no.

The government reported Thursday that 4.4 percent of baby boomers ages 50 to 59 indicated that they had used illicit drugs in the past month. It marks the third consecutive yearly increase recorded for that age group by the National Survey on Drug Use and Health.

Meanwhile, illicit drug use among young teens went down for the third consecutive year - from 11.6 percent in 2002 to 9.9 percent in 2005.

"Rarely have we seen a story like this where this is such an obvious contrast as one generation goes off stage right, and entering stage left is a generation that learned a lesson somehow and they're doing something very different," said David Murray, special assistant to the director for the Office of National Drug Control Policy.

The annual survey on drug use and health involves interviews of about 67,500 people. It provides an important snapshot of how many Americans drink, smoke and use drugs such as marijuana, cocaine and methamphetamine.

Actually, I don't have a lot of faith in the accuracy of these surveys. I mean, when someone contacts the average person and says, "Hi, I'm from the government, and I'd like to ask you about your illicit drug use," I think a lot of people are going to lie. I think a lot of people will even lie about how much they drink in situations like this.

But still, for some reason it's deeply satisfying to imagine a bunch of paunchy, gray-haired baby boomers smoking dope to regain some of their former hippie glory.

Excuse is unconvincing

Do you ever see a string of words which, taken one by one, each make sense, but as a whole are very tough to comprehend? That's what happened to me when I saw the following words: "Speeding driver blames lack of goats." I decided to investigate further (okay, I didn't really "investigate"--I just read the damn article):

A Swiss driver caught speeding in Canada explained that he had been taking advantage of the ability to drive fast without hitting a goat, police said on Wednesday.

Airtight logic there, basing your speed on what you're not going to hit. Anyway, here are some more odd words:

"A motorist from Switzerland, used to driving around hills and mountains, takes advantage of the ability to go faster without risking hitting a goat," read the traffic officer's notes of the incident.

Who is this traffic officer? Yoda?

"I've never been to Switzerland but obviously they must have a problem with that there," said police spokesman Joel Doiron, adding that in his 20 years of service he had never found a goat on the highways of eastern Ontario.

It doesn't sound like they have a "problem" to me. Sounds like they have the solution. Want to cut down on speeders on Ontario highways? You need some goats out on those roads.

And to think, the ingrates actually fined him!

Obvious

I'm watching the Dodgers play the Brewers on the teevee right now, and I had forgotten that this guy is one of the Brewers' outfielders. It's a night game, but he hasn't been wearing sunglasses.

I bet he never gets tired of that joke.

An eternity

I'm a baseball fan, and I'm not the kind of fan who leaves a game early. I don't even mind when a good game goes into extra innings, but this is just effing ridiculous.

Talk about extra innings. A baseball game that began at 10 a.m. on Saturday in Alliance [Nebraska] ended Sunday at 4:05 p.m.

That's 30 hours and five minutes between the first pitch and the final out. Game organizers are counting on the contest being long enough to break a world record.

Forty players, ranging in age from 18 to 44, rotated in and out of the 84-inning game in hopes of setting a new Guinness World Record for the longest baseball game.

The record stands at 25 hours, set in Canada nearly three years ago.

There were a total of 234 runs scored in the game. How do you even do that? I'm guessing that they just didn't bother to play any real defense.

Anyway, after reading about that, I don't think I'll ever be bored by an extra-innings game in quite the same way again. I sure as hell hope they didn't cut off beer sales after the eighth inning, which is the biggest problem with games that go long. People would've gone homicidal.

Perspective

Sometimes, it takes an outsider to remind you of the better points of your hometown. This weekend, that perspective was provided by D.C. resident Dave of Garfield Ridge, who's been in SoCal visiting his brother.

He had a great post with great pictures about their trip to Dodger Stadium, which is one of the most beautiful temples of baseball the world has ever seen. He enjoyed one of the tastiest hot dogs available to man and even saw some celebrities. And his bro survived a nasty encounter with a foul ball. As they say, read the whole thing.

I haven't been to Dodger Stadium for a season or two, and his post actually filled me with longing for the place. And for Dodger Dogs. Mmmmmmm...Dodger Dogs.

Dave also got to enjoy the best fast food burger anybody's ever eaten soon after touching down here. Seriously, In-N-Out is one of the reasons why I don't think I could ever live anywhere but California, and Dave reminded me about what a treat it is to have something so good nearby.

SoCal has its faults, but it's a pretty good place to live. Dodger Stadium (and The Big A, too), In-N-Out Burger, and a myriad of other things make this a great place to live. Sometimes, you just need a reminder.

The saddest thing

But what would the Taliban be doing in a diner? Maybe the food is Halal.

You learn something new every day

Hey, did you know that Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and Stephen King conspired to murder John Lennon? And that they used headlines in news magazines to spread "government codes" announcing their intentions to do so? Well, thanks to the voices in this guy's head, now you do!

Seriously, the internets have to be the best thing to happen to crazy people since Xerox machines allowed them to cobble together their paranoid manifestoes for distribution to their fellow freaks.

(via Ace of Spades commenter krakatoa)