I would not have guessed that

Celebrity hairdresser Vidal Sassoon passed away today at the age of 84. I wouldn't normally bring that up, but there was some interesting information in his obituary:

A veteran of Israel's 1948 War of Independence, Sassoon also had a lifelong commitment to eradicating anti-Semitism. In 1982, he established the Vidal Sassoon International Center for the Study of Antisemitism at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

Huh. I guess you learn something new every day.

Dream Weaver

Congrats to Jered Weaver, who pitched the first no-hitter at the Big A in 22 years tonight.

Of course, I went to last night's game (which was a complete game three hit shutout pitched by Jerome Williams), so I missed out on some Halos history, but I still had a great time. Plus, the people who went tonight didn't get a kickass free Rally Monkey beanie, so I'm actually the real winner here. Yeah.

History doesn't keep your ears warm.

Don't try this at home

This is cool to watch, but I would imagine the cleanup is a bitch. Also, a lot of it looks like it could hurt you and/or blow up your house.




Thanks to b-rad.

The problem with pronouns

Things were easier in the good old days, back when men were men and women were women. Literally:

Police in Florida said they arrested a transgender individual accused of shaking genitalia at five people, including a 10-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl.

Gainesville police said Zot Lynn Szurgot, 52, walked outside nude Wednesday afternoon in view of five people and shook genitals at the victims, which included the two children, The Gainesville Sun reported Friday.

Aside from the awfulness of someone doing something like that to kids, notice the ambiguous wording that the writer of the article has to use: "accused of shaking genitalia" and "shook genitals." And a name like "Zot Lynn" doesn't really help the reader to fill in the awful, awful blanks, either. It really makes you long for a simpler time, back when it was easy to determine which kind of junk being waved at you by a crazy person was going to scar you for life.

Putting the bamboo in bamboozled

I've got to admit that I don't know a whole hell of a lot about what makes a really good cup of tea, but I know that I won't be buying any of this:

China's national treasure, the giant panda, will become even more precious if one businessman succeeds in using their dung to grow organic green tea he intends to sell for over $200 a cup.

It's not just that I don't have $200 to spend on a single cup of tea (okay, yes, that actually is the only reason, but humor me here) it's that I really don't see why one should have to pay an exorbitant premium for a product based on the shit that it grows in.

Unless it gives you super powers. Pandas don't have any super powers, right?

Three's bigamy

I can't believe that this hasn't yet been used as the plot of a sitcom episode:

The Pierce County Sheriff's Department said Alan O'Neill, 41, was placed on administrative leave this week after prosecutors filed a felony charge alleging he was married to two women who happened to connect on Facebook recently.

The News Tribune in Tacoma, Wash., said O'Neill's current wife and the wife he supposedly walked out on three years ago met on Facebook after the first woman received a computer-generated invite to "friend" the bride he currently lives with.

Um, I've never been married and I'm not the type of person who obsessively updates his Facebook page with every little detail of my life, but if I happened to "walk out on" my wife, I might just take a second or two to take her off of my friend list.

Oh, and I think would probably also try to remember to get a divorce from her before marrying some other woman.

Ten Random Songs

Man, I haven't done one of these in ages. Anyway, here's what Windows Media Player felt like giving me just now...

1. Belle & Sebastian - "Is It Wicked Not To Care?"
2. Yo La Tengo - "Tom Courtenay"
3. The Stone Roses - "Fools Gold"
4. Teenage Fanclub and De La Soul -"Fallin'"
5. The Smiths - "The Headmaster Ritual"
6. Duran Duran - "Skin Trade"
7. Gorillaz - "Dirty Harry"
8. Ride - "Dreams Burn Down"
9. Unknown Mortal Orchestra - "Thought Ballune"
10. The Who - "A Quick One While He's Away"

Previous installments of this feature can be found here, here, here, and here. There may have been others, but those were the only ones I could find.

A quick note for the people who run ABC

Hi guys, Sean here.

We're living in the 21st century now, and this means that most of us have internet connections and many of us also have DVRs.

I bring these facts up because I was just catching up on Jeopardy, which I recorded last night, and was distressed to find out that a significant part of the program (which is one of my few simple pleasures in life) was interrupted by a news report about some primary election results.

Now, this is information that some people would doubtlessly be interested in, but they would be able to find out later during their regularly scheduled news broadcasts. They could probably wait. Now, on the other hand, if they really wanted that information right away, they could check a variety of websites, including that of ABC News. If, on the third hand, they happened (as I was) to be watching this program at a later date, the imposition of George Stephanopolous (I don't care if I spelled that correctly) and Diane Sawyer on their regularly scheduled program would be worse than useless. In fact, it would simply be a GREAT BIG FUCKING ANNOYANCE, causing them to SEETHE INSIDE WITH THE HATRED OF A MILLION BURNING SUNS.

So, for future reference, unless the president dies or the moon explodes or the president dies in a lunar explosion, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF JEOPARDY.

Thanks.

Living up to its name

If you were planning on taking a vacation in a certain area of South Carolina, prepare to be disappointed/relieved:

The U.S. Forest Service said a South Carolina camp site known as Hell Hole may be closed to camping due to unsanitary conditions.

Sumter National Forest rangers said the camp site, near the Chauga River, has become unsanitary due to trash and human waste left behind by campers, WSPA-TV, Spartanburg, S.C., reported Tuesday.

Not to worry, though. Other local camping destinations such as "The Pit of Despair" and "The Municipal Dump" will remain open during the cleanup should you still want to sleep outdoors in filth.

It's been a good day

First of all, my family went down to the San Diego area for my Great Aunt Thelma's 90th birthday party. I got to see nearly all of my West Coast relatives, and a good time was had by all.

When I got back, I found out that my best friend, Andy, asked his girlfriend to marry him, and she said yes. Then, he asked me to be his Best Man. That's the greatest honor I think anybody has ever given me. I said yes, of course.

Then, I found twenty dollars.

All in all, not too shabby.

Busted!

You know, I could make some kind of a crass joke about the following story, but I sort of wasted the only decent one on the headline.

The Martin County Sheriff's office said Maureen Raymond, 49, of Port St. Lucie was pulled over around 9:20 p.m. Sunday by a deputy responding to a report of a reckless driver, TCPalm reported Friday.

Raymond, who the arrest report said smelled of alcohol and possessed an empty glass that smelled like it had contained an alcoholic beverage, told the deputy she could not comply with his instructions in the field sobriety test because of her "big boobies."

"I asked her if she wanted to attempt the task and she stated if I hold her hand," the arrest affidavit states. "I asked her again if she would like to attempt the task and she stated not really because she has big breasts."

I'm going to go ahead and assume that the sobriety test the officer was trying to get her to perform wasn't the one where they ask you to recite your ABCs. At least, I hope not.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

That's what they tell you when it's closing time at the bar (and, probably, public libraries in the seedier part of town) but there's one kind of establishment where it's not quite that simple:

Coconino County Sheriff's Office spokesman Gerry Blair says 44-year-old Martin Batieni Kombate was arrested in Flagstaff last week for trespassing and was scheduled for release Monday on his own recognizance on the charge.

But when detention officers from the sheriff's office showed up to escort him out, Kombate allegedly said he wasn't leaving and was staying because he couldn't find his wallet.

So they called the police (there weren't any cops there?) who then arrested him and charged him with trespassing again. Blair said that Kombate "remains in jail," but there's no word on whether or not they simply left him where he was or took him to another, less pleasant jail. Maybe one with a rodent problem or a really unpleasant odor. I mean, that's what I would do.

What's in a network name?

If movies and teevee shows have taught us anything, it's that a computer network is going to become sentient in the not too distant future and decide to wipe humanity off the face of the earth. And when the robot historians of the future write the chronicles of that dark time, they probably won't trace it all back to something with a cool name like SkyNet:

A Chicago area blogger has made it her mission to expose the unusual and humorous names people in the region give their WiFi networks.

Alexandra Janelli, the blogger behind WTFWiFi, said she began her quest when she lived in New York and found networks with names including "I eat babies for breakfast," "tequila rabbi" and "I've seen you naked," the Chicago Tribune reported Wednesday.

Janelli said she has since moved to Evanston, Ill., and discovered networks there and in Chicago with bizarre names including "Michael Jackson Day Care Service," "Andrews Don't Snitch," "Baby Loves Glue" and "Stop looking in my windows."

I recently set up a new router, and while most of the networks in my neighborhood just have the default name of their devices, I learned that there are a couple with charming names like "Salty Sweaty Balls" and "eye see u pee." I'm pretty sure neither of those is the network for the elementary school behind my house.

This kicks ass

I heard this song ("The Dream" by Thee Oh Sees) on the Claremont Colleges radio station on the way home tonight, and it rocks pretty goddamn hard.



The band's AllMusic page is here.

It runs in the family

Okay, this may just be a coincidence, but it's still pretty weird:

Jan. 4 birthdays have been running in one Ohio family for four generations.

Richard Stiff of the Toledo area turned 65 on Wednesday. The day is also the 34th birthday of his daughter, Julia Gonyer, and it's the first birthday of Gonyer's daughter, Kourtney.

The string began with Stiff's late father, Marshall Stiff, who was born on Jan. 4, 1924.

The article doesn't note the date of Marshall's death, but if Richard ends up passing away on the same day, Julia and little Kourtney might have something to worry about.

In related news, because I have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy, "Richard Stiff" is my new favorite name.

Happy New Year!

I can't speak for anybody else, but I'm sure heading into this one happier and healthier. Let's all put 2011 behind us and make the most of 2012.

Nobody likes this on Facebook

The internet has done a lot to simplify our lives. We have information, shopping, and filthy, filthy pornography right at our fingertips. It's also made it much easier to identify the criminally stupid:

The Coconino County Sheriff's Office said Frankie Almuina, 20, and Kayla Almuina, 19, of Ash Fork, were arrested after someone saw the pictures of their children, ages 2 and 10 months, on Facebook and reported them to a child abuse hotline, The (Flagstaff) Arizona Daily Sun reported Friday.

Deputies said the pictures depicted the children with their wrists, ankles and mouths bound with duct tape, and one of the pictures depicted a child hung upside down from an exercise machine.

I simply don't understand the way this unfolded. First, these geniuses decided to duct tape their kids to some fitness equipment, which is not a bright idea. Then, they thought to photograph what they had done, creating evidence of the fact that they had taken that questionable first step. Finally, at least one of them figured it would be a good idea/funny/somehow the slightest bit okay to show these photographs to other people online.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

I hope everyone got to spend some time with friends and family today like I did, and I hope Santa brought you all something nice. As for the true meaning of Christmas, well, I don't think anybody does a better job of explaining it than Linus:

Getting greedy

We've all dabbled in a little harmless welfare fraud here and there, but come on, guy:

A former Greek policeman who invented 19 fictional offspring to claim benefits for what would have been the largest family in Greece has been arrested for benefit fraud, police said.

The former police officer, divorced and with no children of his own, quit his 1,000-euro-a-month ($1,300) job in 2001 and has been living solely on benefits ever since, police said on Thursday.

Using photographs of children he found online, the 54-year-old man forged birth certificates and other documents needed to claim benefits for at least one child a year since 1996.

Police estimate he made at least 150,000 euros in claims over 15 years, but the actual amount is probably much higher.

On the one hand, you can fault the guy for thinking he could get away with gaming the system by completely making up the largest family in the country. On the other hand, you can't really fault him for that, seeing as how the authorities never really seemed to notice his gigantic fake family (or his gigantic brass balls) until he had already suckered them out of a bunch of money for a decade and a half.

Looking good!

The Angels made it official today, introducing Albert Pujols at a press conference at the Big A.

Normally, I don't get excited about off season goings-on in baseball, but then again, the Angels don't normally shock the sports world by signing the most sought-after free agent on the market.  And with the addition of C.J. Wilson, we've got what may be the best starting rotation in the AL.

Spring Training can't get here fast enough.