Grisly mystery downgraded to amusing anecdote

Via Ace, we now find out that yesterday's horrifying severed penis story wasn't actually so horrifying after all. It's actually somewhat amusing, it turns out.

Police had been investigating a report that a customer handed a clerk a severed penis to heat up in the store's microwave.

Investigators have since learned that it was not a real body part; but instead, it was part of a couple's alleged plan to pass a drug test.

According to McKeesport's police chief, a man and a woman had inserted urine into a fake penis that the woman was planning to use to pass a drug test.

Um, call me crazy, but wouldn't it have made more sense for the man to try and use a fake penis to pass a drug test? And shouldn't they have learned from the cautionary tale of Tom Sizemore that this wouldn't work?

One of them then went into the store and asked the clerk to microwave the object, which they had wrapped in a paper towel, so the urine could reach body temperature.

When the clerk noticed an unusual odor, she unwrapped the item to discover what she thought was a severed body part.

[...]

Upon hearing media reports about the incident, the couple contacted police to explain the situation.

The couple could face charges of harassment, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct.

And I don't think they'll be passing that drug test, either.