Congratulations to Barry Bonds

Yeah, I'm just kidding about that. Fuck him and his big, bald, muscley head. Sure, he passed Hank Aaron on the all time home run list, but everybody and their uncle knows that he used steroids to do it. It's not just that he's a cheater, either. It's also because he's such an insufferable prick, too. And I guess I should mention that I hate the Giants, too.

And hardly anybody outside of the San Francisco Bay area is happy about this, either, in spite of what the talking heads on ESPN are saying about how he's one of the best players the game has ever seen. I bet he's thanking The Dark Prince, who probably owns his soul now, that he hit number 756 in San Francisco, too. The torrent of boos, garbage, and syringes that would've rained down on him if he hit that homer anywhere else sure would have been embarrassing. What's really embarrassing is that the baseball fans of San Francisco—just a little less sub-human than the Raider fans across the Bay—are so supportive of a cheater and a scumbag like Barry Bonds. They cheered their hearts out for a fake hero. They cheered for an asshole. They'll probably have a ticker tape parade for the bastard and give him a key to the city. They deserve each other.

Well, at least it's over with now and we can stop waiting for it to happen. I just hope Alex Rodriguez can stay healthy for the rest of his career so that he can break the record in a few years. It's not that I'm an A-Rod fan or a Yankee fan, either. It's just that it would allow the rest of us to put this bullshit travesty behind us.

Update: Hank Aaron, who wasn't in San Francisco, still managed to pass on a classy message via video. Ask yourself if you can picture Mr. Surly McDouchebag doing the same when his record is eventually broken.

I didn't think so.