Football insanity

Man, I wonder if there's ever been as crazy a day as today has been in terms of college football. Eight of the top 25 teams lost (if you count West Virginia's loss last night) and my Alma Mater, Cal, is poised to move into the top five with their win at Oregon today, their first up there since 1987. Go Bears!

Where have I seen this before?

So, I watched the series premiere of "Moonlight" tonight. It's about a good guy vampire private detective in Los Angeles who drives around in an old convertible and has a blonde female potential love interest.

Maybe it's just me, but that sounds awfully familiar for some reason.

Cast votes, not spells

Somehow, I doubt this sort of thing is going to be much of a problem around here come next November:

Nigerian police have arrested a witchdoctor employed by a politician to perform rituals at an election tribunal, local media reported Thursday.

Officers caught Oluwole Abiodun Wednesday at the court building in southwestern Ondo state with charms and copies of the Bible and Koran in a black plastic bag.

A pot containing a rabbit, seven eggs, cowrie shells and palm oil was found nearby, the state News Agency of Nigeria said.

"Abiodun said that he was sent by one of the principal officers of the state House of Assembly to perform some rituals in the court premises," the agency said.

I guess witch-doctoring near a courthouse is illegal there. Good to know.

Oh, the (non) humanity

You've gotta love the animal rights whackjobs. In this instance, even a European court shot their stupid idea down:

He's now got a human name — Matthew Hiasl Pan — but he's having trouble getting his day in court. Animal rights activists campaigning to get Pan, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, legally declared a person vowed Thursday to take their challenge to Austria's Supreme Court after a lower court threw out their latest appeal.

A provincial judge in the city of Wiener Neustadt dismissed the case earlier this week, ruling that the Vienna-based Association Against Animal Factories had no legal standing to argue on the chimp's behalf.

The association, which worries the shelter caring for the chimp might close, has been pressing to get Pan declared a "person" so a guardian can be appointed to look out for his interests and provide him with a home.

Group president Martin Balluch insists that Pan is "a being with interests" and accuses the Austrian judicial system of monkeying around.

"It is astounding how all the courts try to evade the question of personhood of a chimp as much as they can," Balluch said.

Um, Marty, that would probably be because he's, you know, a fucking ape. You see, we humans have words to distinguish things from each other. Like, say, "chimpanzee," which is what your hairy little friend is.

Moron.

Overdue book of the dead

Looking for sympathy? A shoulder to cry on? It appears you won't find them at a certain branch of the Westchester County library:

Even the dead apparently have to pay the fines on their overdue books at one Westchester County library. Elizabeth Schaper said she was charged a 50-cent late fee while turning in a book that her late mother had checked out of a Harrison Public Library branch.

"I was in shock," Schaper said. "This has rocked me to my core."

Schaper's mother, Ethel Schaper, died at the age of 87 on Sept. 16 after suffering a massive stroke. A few days later, Schaper said she found a library book, "The Price of Silence," by Camilla Trinchieri, that her mother had checked out from the library.

"My mother was an avid reader — she read an average of two books a week," Schaper said. "She was a frequent patron of the library."

Schaper said she returned the book last week, and was stunned when the man behind the library counter told her of the 50-cent fee.

"I told him that maybe he didn't hear me right, that my mother had just died, otherwise I'm sure that she would have returned it on time," Schaper said. "His only reply was that, 'That will be 50 cents.'"

It's not like that's a huge fine or anything, but damn, that's still pretty cold.

Red bluenoses

Man, the Chinese commies are starting to look like the biggest prudes in the world:

China has banned "sexually provocative sounds" on television and pulled the plug on a show reconstructing infamous crimes by women ahead of a major Communist Party meeting next month.

The order, issued by the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, is the latest in a raft of measures which have included axing reality shows featuring sex changes and plastic surgery and banning talent contests during prime-time.

"Sexually suggestive advertisements and scenes showing how women are influenced into a life of crime are detrimental to society," it said in a statement posted on its Web site on Wednesday, referring to its decision to axe "Red Question Mark," a crime documentary.

"Commercials containing sexually provocative sounds or tantalizing language as well as vulgar advertisements for breast enhancement and female underwear are banned, effective immediately," said the SARFT notice.

You know, when vulgar advertisements for breast enhancement and female underwear are outlawed, only outlaws will have vulgar advertisements for breast enhancement and female underwear.

Previous Chicom prudery noted here.

Free gift with purchase

You know, there's a reason why people have been saying "let the buyer beware" for centuries now:

A man who bought a smoker Tuesday at an auction of abandoned items might have thought twice had he looked inside first.

Maiden police said the man opened up the smoker and saw what he thought was a piece of driftwood wrapped in paper. When he unwrapped it, he found a human leg, cut off 2 to 3 inches above the knee.

The smoker had been sold at an auction of items left behind at a storage facility, so investigators contacted the mother and son who had rented the space where the smoker was found.

The mother, Peg Steele, explained her son had his leg amputated after a plane crash and kept the leg following the surgery "for religious reasons" she doesn't know much about.

She says he's going to pick it up from the proud new owner. Now, I'd like to know why, if he wanted to keep his leg for weird religious reasons, why did he keep it in the smoker in a storage facility?

The article doesn't say, but I'd like to know: did the dude smoke his leg to preserve it?

Wife with a knife

Who would have thought that jealousy could lead to serious problems in a bigamous relationship?

Malaysian doctors have reattached a man's nearly severed penis after his first wife, enraged by his comparison of her sex skills with those of his younger second wife, decided to chop it off with a kitchen knife.

The man, a 43-year-old Indonesian worker in southern Johor state, was lying in bed with his 48-year-old wife talking about his newly wed second wife, who is in her 30s, when the incident happened, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

Despite his shock and pain, the man managed to pull on his trousers and ride his motorcycle to a nearby hospital, where doctors had to put in 11 stitches to reattach the organ.

You know, a motorcycle probably wouldn't be my first choice of a vehicle in that sort of situation, but I guess you use what you've got.

By the way, make sure to click on the link to see the rather unusual file photo that Reuters has chosen to accompany this story.

Update: In the comments, maggie suggested that I post the photo in case they get rid of it, so here you go (with the original caption)...

A knife is used to cut gammon in Stuttgart May 15, 2006 in this file photo. (Michaela Rehle/Reuters)

Dumbass

You know, when you're trying to reconcile with your ex-wife, it's probably not a good idea to send her a message like this:

The wife of former Australian cricket champion Shane Warne says their marriage reconciliation is over after he mistakenly sent her an incriminating text message.

Simone Callahan, who reunited last December with the spin bowler known also for his womanizing, told a woman's magazine she caught Warne cheating on her while he was in London.

As Callahan got the couple's three children ready for school in Melbourne, a text dropped into the inbox of her mobile phone, she told New Idea magazine.

"Hey beautiful, I'm just talking to my kids, the back door's open," the message from Warne said.

"You loser, you sent the message to the wrong person," Callahan sent back.

I could make a "back door" joke here, but I won't. I'm classy like that.

Stolen valor, stolen booze

Man, how many kinds of scumbag can one guy be?

A 23-year-old man who police say ran up $4,000 in bar bills after falsely claiming he was an Iraq war veteran faces arraignment on Cape Cod.

Management at Pufferbellies in Hyannis says Christopher Lee Proe was allowed to write personal checks over five nights in August after telling staff he wanted to celebrate his safe return from Iraq and honor the memory of fallen comrades.

The checks turned out to bogus. Proe was tracked down last Friday at a Yarmouth home.

Okay, so he's a phony vet who writes bad checks. But there's more...

Barnstable Police Sergeant John Murphy says Proe has outstanding warrants from three states, including for impersonating a police officer in Ohio and failing to register as a sex offender in Indiana.

Sounds like a charming fellow indeed.

Light up the halo!

The Angels clinched the A.L. West title today, which is cause for celebration. Of course, it would've been nice if they'd done it yesterday, while my brother and I were at the stadium, but it's still sweet.

Not the kind of copper they wanted

This isn't exactly what I'd call a "dumb criminals story," but it's still pretty funny:

Two men who police said broke into a building to steal copper wiring got more than they bargained for: a room full of police officers. Police said 26-year-old James Ayers and Frederick Guilliee, 38, broke into the 40,000-square-foot building at about 6 p.m. Tuesday.

What they hadn't planned for is the Antioch police K-9 unit who was holding a training session there.

Unlucky bastards. Not only do they break into a building full of cops, but some of the hardest cops to hide from.

Getting a head in the polls

You know, people are always complaining about elections and political campaigns in this country for various reasons, but they could be a lot worse:

Six grisly murders in Togo in which the victims were decapitated and drained of their blood have raised fears of a resurgence of ritual killings ahead of parliamentary elections in the West African state next month.

The serial killings occurred last weekend in the southern Vo and Lacs prefectures, east of the capital Lome. The victims included a 12-year-old boy and a 63-year-old woman and their severed heads were carried off by the killers.

The discovery of the headless corpses has shocked Togolese and triggered a wave of speculation that the killings were ritual murders. This is a practice still found in parts of Africa in which people kill to obtain body parts and blood in the belief they will bring social success and political power.

Police announced the arrest of four suspects, including one from neighboring Benin, the West African home of the ancient Voodoo religion, who confessed to killing the 12-year-old boy.

Togo holds legislative elections on October 14, and international observers hope they will strengthen the weak grip of democracy in the small former French colony, which like Benin is wedged between Nigeria and Ghana on the Gulf of Guinea.

In a society where traditional beliefs still have influence, some Togolese saw a link between the killings and the ambitions of aspiring candidates for next month's polls.

"Some of these deputies are ready to do anything to keep their seats and you hear that they're carrying out sacrifices," said Joel Attigan, a geography student.

Think about that the next time you hear someone complain about how nasty our political campaigns have become over the years. I mean, it's not like any politicians in this country are carrying out human sacrifices to gain power.

(Insert Hillary Clinton joke here.)

Whorehouses to become just plain houses

If you're planning some sort of Euro-sleaze vacation in Amsterdam, you might want to hurry:

About a third of Amsterdam's red-lit windows for prostitutes will disappear from the city center as one of the main brothel owners is set to sell his empire to a real estate company.

A housing company is to buy 18 premises, currently featuring 51 windows, for about 25 million euros ($35 million), Amsterdam city council said.

Last November, the city revoked the trading licenses of 33 brothels because they were suspected of criminal activities including money laundering and drug dealing. However, the brothel owners appealed successfully against the decision.

Well, that's a relief. I mean, really, who could seriously believe that there was a bunch of criminal activity going on in brothels?

Want to read something really stupid?

If you answered yes, I would suggest this utter piece of crap from today's L.A. Times sports section. Somebody thought they were being really clever, when, in fact, their idea was sub-moronic.

Hi, uh, have you guys seen my cocaine?

Thank God for stupid criminals, for they let us feel better about ourselves while providing us with much-needed laughter. Case in point:

Federal agents thought there was something fishy about Leroy Carr. On four occasions since last December, Carr either crossed the Canadian border or was found near it with thousands of dollars in cash, according to a complaint filed in U.S. District Court. He also sometimes carried night vision goggles and a GPS device programmed with coordinates for a well-known drug-smuggling trail.

But Carr refused to speak with Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, and they let him go — until he called to ask if they had seen his cocaine.

Yes, you read that right. He actually called the Feds to ask if they knew where his blow was. But it gets even better...

According to the complaint, he told agents that on Aug. 3, he had stashed two blue backpacks containing 68 pounds of cocaine by the entrance to a Boy Scout camp near the Canadian border. When he returned the next day, they were gone, he said.

Carr, of suburban Federal Way, asked if ICE could put out a news release saying that federal agents had seized the drugs. That way, according to the complaint, the organization he was working for would believe his statements that he hadn't stolen them. [my emphasis]

That's so friggin' awesome. Needless to say, Leroy got arrested. And I guess, now, the people he was working for know that he didn't steal the coke, which was found by a Boy Scout.

Punch drunk love

They say that drinking and driving don't mix. You know what else doesn't mix with drinking? Ex-girlfriends, as this dumbass found out:

Firefighters had to tear though a wall to rescue an intoxicated man who became stuck while trying to climb down a chimney into the residence of his former girlfriend.

Alejandro Valencio said he was drunk when he got into the chimney about 3:30 a.m. Tuesday.

"Everyone do stupid things sometimes when they're drunk," he said.

Yes, Alejandro, everyone "do." But most of us limit things to phone calls that we regret the next day.

Firefighters requested assistance from police after arriving because they said Connie Deweese was hampering the rescue effort by blocking the fireplace.

"I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die," said Deweese, who received misdemeanor citations for disorderly conduct and interfering with a firefighter.

I guess his little stunt didn't exactly win her back over. But Alejandro's apparently got a never-say-die romantic spirit...

Valencio returned to the residence after being treated at a hospital and was filmed by a local TV station as Deweese hit him with a garbage can and pelted him with bottles.

"Get off my porch, and don't you ever come back here," she yelled.

Oh, I have a feeling he'll be back.

Arrrrrrr!

Today isThis be International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Avast, or some such thing, mateys.

Stay classy, Seattle

It seems that some folks up in the Pacific Northwest share my disdain for sophisticated humor:

Officially, it's the South Lake Union Streetcar. But in the neighborhood where the new line runs, it's called the South Lake Union Trolley — or, the SLUT. At Kapow! Coffee, a shop in the old Cascade neighborhood, 100 T-shirts bearing the words "Ride the SLUT" sold out in days, and another 100 are on order.

"We're welcoming the SLUT into the neighborhood," said Jerry Johnson, 29, a part-time barista.

Some claim — incorrectly, according to representatives of Vulcan Inc., the company that is developing the area — that South Lake Union Trolley was the original name and that it was changed when officials belatedly realized the acronym.

The $50.5 million project should be completed with streetcars running in December. Underlying the lighthearted opposition, however, is resentment over changes in the old working-class neighborhood.

"There was a meeting with representatives from the city several years ago," Johnson recalled.

"They asked us, 'What we could do for you?' Most people raised their hands and said, 'Affordable housing,'" he said. "Then the people from the city huddled together — 'whisper, whisper, whisper,' — and they said, 'How about a trolley?'"

As somebody who goes to city meetings (part of my job, otherwise I wouldn't be there) I love the idea people seem to have that "affordable housing" can be created out of thin air. But I can see how cheap rent would be of interest to a "part-time barista."

But way to fight the power, people. That potty-mouth acronym will sure show 'em!

I wonder what they do to taggers

It sounds like they take those "post no bills" signs pretty damn seriously in China:

Security guards in a southern Chinese city stripped and shaved the head of a man they found illegally posting advertisements on walls to earn a bit of money, a domestic newspaper reported Tuesday.

The victim, Xiao Liu, a 17-year-old migrant worker from the impoverished central province of Henan, was stripped to his underwear by about 10 men in Dongguan in the southern province of Guangdong, the Beijing News said.

The men, who traveled on scooters and identified themselves as "city inspectors," also beat Liu and forced him to get down on his knees so they could shave his hair in punishment, the newspaper added.

"Walking around the streets in only my underwear made me want to kill myself," Liu was quoted as saying, adding that he earned 20 yuan ($2.66) a day posting flyers for a hotel on the streets.

There's probably a joke about leaving menus for Chinese restaurants on people's doorsteps that I could make here, but I won't.

Stereotypes are bad, people.

I say brand it

You can vote on the fate of Barry "Musclehead" Bonds' 756th home run ball here. I think the option to have an asterisk branded on it before it's sent to the Hall of Fame is the best.

Aaaaaargh! Study!

I guess you just can't argue with results:

A Japanese teacher who threw a chair at his students was named "super teacher" by the local board of education despite having been reprimanded several times for using corporal punishment, a news agency said on Saturday.

The 52-year-old high-school teacher in Kyoto has been awarded the title every year since 2005 in spite of a history of aggression in the classroom because his strict teaching methods improved his students' performance.

He was punished three times between 1997 and 2001 for physically attacking students, including throwing a chair at the volleyball team he was coaching, and was again accused of corporal punishment this year, Kyodo news agency said.

The teacher, who was not identified in the news agency report, resigned on Friday, having been on medical leave since the latest accusation. He was selected as a role model due to his "outstanding achievement in leading the volleyball team," Kyodo said, citing board officials.

I mean, sure, the guy was beating up his students and throwing furniture at them, but damn it, that volleyball team was good!

I doubt he'll take the stand

Something (probably the lawsuit) tells me that this guy is a pretty whacked-out crank:

The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused "fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes."

He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

And they say he skips morning prayers? No kidding. I would've pegged him as a regular Charlie Churchgoer.

Chambers said the lawsuit was triggered by a federal suit filed against a judge who recently barred words such as "rape" and "victim" from a sexual assault trial.

The accuser in the criminal case, Tory Bowen, sued Lancaster District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront, claiming that he violated her free speech rights.

Chambers said Bowen's lawsuit is inappropriate because the Nebraska Supreme Court has already considered the case and federal courts follow the decisions of state supreme courts on state matters.

"This lawsuit having been filed and being of such questionable merit creates a circumstance where my lawsuit is appropriately filed," Chambers said. "People might call it frivolous but if they read it they'll see there are very serious issues I have raised."

Um, dude, you filed a lawsuit against God. That sounds pretty damn frivolous to me. Now, I'm not a lawyer, so I'm not going to argue about the merits of that other case, but if you're upset about it, I'm sure there other, more appropriate ways to criticize it than to waste everybody's time with this kind of bullshit.

Wow!

Thanks to see-dubya, who tossed a link to me last night on Hot Air's headlines, I've had more than 500 visitors today. If you want a laugh, check out my traffic stats for the last month.

Update: In case you don't feel like clicking on that last link:

Welcome, perverts

My traffic has been in the crapper for most of this month, so imagine my surprise when I took a look at my Sitemeter today and saw it blowing up (relatively speaking). Well, I guess that'll happen when you write a post like this one, which is, in turn, inexplicably linked by AOL News.

Gee, I wonder why that post got so popular.

Somebody call Frank Serpico

It seems that crooked cops are running wild in the town of Robeline, LA:

This village's only convenience store decided to do something nice for its police officers: give them a free fountain drink or coffee at closing time. But somewhere along the way, investigators say, it got out of control. Now, all three of the village's officers are accused of stealing snacks.

"Over a period of time, it evolved into regular drinks and more," Natchitoches Parish Sheriff's investigator Travis Trammell said. "There's no telling how it got to this point, but the store started experiencing losses and they watch their videotapes and see all of this going on."

Surveillance tapes showed each officer going into the Shop-A-Lott at Lott Oil around closing time and filling plastic bags with dozens of bottled soft drinks, Trammell said. The officers also are reportedly seen eating an assortment of other snacks without paying.

Imagine how much worse this will get once they subpoena the owner of the donut shop.

Housing boom

Who would have thought that planting explosives all over your house could be a bad idea?

A man tired of burglars nearly blew off his hand when bomb-like devices he set around his house exploded in his presence instead, authorities said.

Victor Iacobescu, 50, ran to a neighbor's house Thursday with a bloody towel wrapped around his right hand.

"Apparently, he was trying to set booby traps to get the next guy who tried to break in," fire Lt. Maggie Murphy said.

Iacobescu had been the victim of several break-ins, she said.

The neighbor, Patrick Struble, said the explosives were "like a pipe bomb. He accidentally triggered it, and it almost blew his hand off."

I understand there are a number of companies that will install burglar alarms in your home, none of which involve pipe bombs. He might want to look into that.

Update: Welcome, Hot Air readers! Please look around and feel free to leave comments, especially if you like lame jokes about embarrassing sexual situations and dumb criminals. And if you like it here (or even if you don't), be sure to check out This Blog Smells Funny, where I play a small part among some Titans of blogging humor.

Good news, pervs!

Now, I don't have a crystal ball, but I'm guessing nude billboards are just around the corner!

Two decades after a nude photo scandal helped cost a Miss America her title, Americans may be adopting a more ho-hum attitude toward people who bare it all for the cameras.

Some experts say the Internet and more explicit TV are fostering a more relaxed response by Americans to public displays of bare flesh, even if many people profess to be more conservative.

Take, for example, the muted reaction to nude photos of 18-year-old Vanessa Hudgens, the star of Walt Disney Co.'s squeaky clean "High School Musical" franchise,

One day after the photos surfaced on the Web last Thursday, Hudgens issued an apology and family friendly Walt Disney Co. said it would continue negotiating her appearance in the third installment of the hugely popular series, one of the most popular programs in U.S. cable TV history.

While some expressed outrage, many fans pledged support on her MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/vanessahudgens.

Not me. Personally, I'm OUTRAGED at the thought of seeing photos of an attractive 18-year-old girl!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go look something up on Google Images.

A likely story

So, yesterday, we had the story of the woman who took a stolen car to court to pay a ticket, and today, well...

A western New York man faces grand larceny charges after being pulled over in a car that he said he stole so he could turn himself in on another charge.

Ontario County sheriff's deputies say they pulled over Vincent Estrada Junior, 29, and found that the car he was driving had recently been stolen from a parking lot.

Police said Estrada was wanted on a family court warrant, and he told deputies he stole the car so he could drive to the Geneva City Police Department to turn himself in.

And he would have gotten away with it turned himself in, if it weren't for those meddling policemen!

Car trouble

Next time, maybe she should consider taking the bus, instead:

A woman who went to court to pay a traffic ticket drove there in a stolen car and ended up behind bars, authorities said. Clarendon County [South Carolina] sheriff's deputies received a tip that Amber Renee Helton was going to be in a stolen car when she paid the ticket, Chief Deputy Joe Bradham said.

They arrested her as she opened the door of the 2001 Dodge Intrepid on Tuesday morning, authorities said.

Helton, 21, and her passenger, 35-year-old Terry Lynn Alvery, were charged with possessing a stolen vehicle, Bradham said.

It takes either huge balls or incredible stupidity to show up at the courthouse, where there are likely lots of police officers, in a stolen car. I'm leaning toward the stupidity.

Don't ever forget

It's hard to believe that it's been six years since the attacks of 9/11. But however much time passes, I'll never forget that day. I don't think anybody will.

Fuß in der Öffnung*

You know, if you're any kind of public figure in Germany, there's one group of people you should never, ever praise for any reason whatsoever.

A German public television network Sunday sacked a popular talk show host and former news presenter after she had praised the Nazi's family policies at a news conference for her new book on child-rearing.

NDR television program director Volker Herres said on the NDR website the network had fired Eva Herman, 48, with immediate effect for her comments "that we deemed to be incompatible to her role as a television presenter and talk show host."

[...]

While presenting her book "Das Prinzip Arche Noah - warum wir die Familie retten muessen" (Arche Noah principle - why we must save the family), she said family values that were nurtured in the Nazi era were cast away by the turmoil of the late 1960s.

"It was a horrible time with a manic and dangerous leader who led the Germans into ruin as we all know."

I sense a "but" coming on, and wouldn't you know it...

"But there was at the time also something good, and that is the values, that is the children, that is the families, that is a togetherness -- it was all abolished, there was nothing left," Herman said.

Sheesh. I'll lay it out again: Do. Not. Praise. The. Nazis.

*According to Alta Vista Babel Fish, this means "Foot in mouth."

Dirty mugger

I've never been mugged before, and I've never mugged anybody, so I'm not an expert on the subject. But still, I don't think this is usually part of the process:

Police said a man who robbed a woman of her keys and cell phone then took off her shoes and licked her toes. Commander Kevin Casper said the attack was "weird sexual behavior."

The 24-year-old woman was leaving work around 1 a.m. Saturday when the 27-year-old man approached her and demanded her keys and phone. After that he removed her shoes.

Police say the woman was not hurt.

But I bet she was pretty weirded out, though.

Cut your losses

I wonder what this guy thought the cops were going to be able to do for him:

A marijuana dealer telephoned police after armed thieves stole his quarter-pound stash of pot. The 19-year-old Felton man told police that two men, one of them armed with a handgun, robbed him at gunpoint as he sat in his car on Tuesday night.

"It was unique to have people who were dealing drugs calling us when they've been ripped off," police spokesman Zach Friend said.

After the thieves made off with his stash, the dealer telephoned police. When police arrived, the dealer's story became progressively confused.

First he showed officers a medical marijuana card and told them he bought the pot at a medical marijuana dispensary. Then he said he got the pot from a friend. Eventually the dealer admitted he had arranged to sell the marijuana to the men who stole it from him, investigators said.

If they find the perps, I don't think they'll be returning the victim's property to him.

The article goes on to mention that the cops didn't arrest the dealer. Not surprising, seeing as how he wasn't in possession of any drugs. I guess in that respect, the thieves did him a favor.

G-A on a tear

Garret Anderson has been on fire for the Angels since the All Star break, and tonight he broke a team record by driving in runs in eleven straight games. The man had 15 RBI before the break and he has 56 since. He hit another homer tonight, too. I can't believe people were calling up Angel Talk a couple of weeks ago and bitching about his performance.

Anyway, Andy and I are going to try to catch Sunday night's game down at the Big A. I really hope we can get tickets, since I haven't been to a game yet this season.

Damn commies!

I hated commies in the first place, but now, they've gone too far:

China has banned sexually explicit television shows, such as those featuring sex toys and contraceptives, as it tries to clean up its airwaves and imbue socialist values.

The order follows the axing of controversial "Beautiful Makeover," a reality program in the southern province of Guangdong showing plastic surgery operations, and the banning of shows featuring "public participation" in sex-change operations.

The State Administration of Radio, Film, and Television scolded provincial television stations in the western frontier city of Chengdu for broadcasting "lewd and obscene" footage, according to its online Web site (www.safrt.gov.cn).

"All levels of television broadcasters must not air any vulgar content involving sexual experiences or functions of sex toys and birth control devices, effective immediately," SARFT said in the notice.

Okay, so I'm not really all that broken up about the shows about sex change operations, but the rest of it is just plain wrong. Better dead than red, indeed.

The epitome of sincerity

Call me a bastard, but I love it when people who are already in trouble do something really stupid to compound their problems.

Music, books and Hollywood films... China can now add testimonies of regret by corrupt officials to its exhaustive list of copyright violations.

Zhang Shaocang, former Communist Party chief of state-owned power company Anhui Province Energy Group Co Ltd, wept as he read a four-page "letter of apology" during his corruption trial at a court in Fuyang, Anhui, according to a Procuratorial [sic] Daily report reproduced in Wednesday's Beijing News.

But Zhang's sentiments were later found to be strikingly similar to those of Zhu Fuzhong, a disgraced former party chief of Tongan village in southwestern Sichuan province, whose apology letter was printed in the Procuratorial [sic] Daily less than two weeks before.

So, this moron actually lifted phrases word for word from the other guy's apology, which had been published for everybody to read just a couple of weeks before. Next time, he might want to rip off an apology that wasn't quite so fresh in peoples' minds.

Bushitler goons suppress controversial film

What do we have here? More crushing of dissent in Bushco's Amerikkka. Oh, wait a minute:

Among the nearly two dozen television DVDs slated for nationwide release on Sept. 11 is the second season of "Bones," the third season of "Grey's Anatomy" and the miniseries "The Starter Wife" that aired earlier this year. Not on the list on that day or any other in the near future is last year's highly controversial "The Path to 9/11."

The $40-million, five-hour ABC miniseries, which recently received seven Emmy nominations and drew a combined two-night audience of more than 25 million viewers, is for now on the path to nowhere. Its Amazon page reads: "Currently unavailable. We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock."

With no date for the release, questions are being raised about whether political pressure is behind its current status as a stalled or discarded DVD project. The reasons are murky, but the miniseries' writer, Cyrus Nowrasteh, believes it's crystal clear: Powerful forces are out to protect Bill Clinton's presidential legacy and shield Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) from any potential collateral damage in her bid for the White House.

Nowrasteh, also one of the miniseries' many producers, said he was told by a top executive at ABC Studios that "if Hillary weren't running for president, this wouldn't be a problem."

Well, then, never mind. Nothing to see here. Move along, people.

I hope he didn't have leather seats

You don't say:

A naked man driving along the Indiana Toll Road was arrested and charged because his lewd conduct distracted other motorists, police said.

I can see how that could be distracting.

The 37-year-old Chicago man was traveling east to Ohio to visit his mother, police said. He was nude and had petroleum jelly on his hands when a state trooper pulled him over about 10 miles from the Ohio line Wednesday, police said.

I'm not sure which part is the most disturbing—the fact that he was naked, the fact that he had Vaseline on his hands, or the fact that he was on the way to visit his mom.

The trooper, Al Martinez, a four-year veteran of the Indiana State Police, said he walked up to the passenger side of the SUV and saw that the man had dropped a T-shirt across his midsection. Other motorists had called police about the driver, with several calls from truckers who could see into the front seat of the SUV.

Martinez made the man put his clothes back on before handcuffing him and putting him in the back of the squad car.

I'm pretty sure that's exactly what I'd do, too. Making him put his clothes back on, that is.

Apparently, not a baaaaaad idea

Having problems with your sophisticated jet aircraft? Don't know what to do about it? Well, the answer is clear: animal sacrifice.

Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.

Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem.

The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.

To me, the most surprising aspects of this story are that Nepal has its own airline. I mean, really, who knew?

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been.

Well, you can't argue with success.