Say what?

I don't speak German, so if I was (or were—I'm not getting paid to write this, so I don't really care if it's grammatically correct) taking a trip to, say, Vienna, I'd probably want to take a German-English dictionary or phrasebook. I don't think I'd want to take this one with me, though:

A free guide to be distributed around Vienna to soccer fans visiting for Euro 2008 will advise them how to order Austrian cuisine, flirt with local women, and find their way to the stadium in the thick local dialect.

Essential phrases such as "Ham Se an Kaiserschmoan mit Zwetschknroesta?," "Do you have a sliced sugared pancake with plum compote?" or "Fia mi bitte no a Soizguakn," "another gherkin for me please," are listed with English and German translations.

Those are "essential phrases" in Austria? I had no idea that pickles and pancakes played such a big part in their day-to-day lives. I figured they were all about waltzes, little cans full of barely edible sausage, and bodybuilding. That, and getting confused with Australia.

For an initial approach to a member of the opposite sex, the book suggests: "Servas, fesche Katz," literally "greetings, hot kitten" but translated as "Hello princess."

Is it just me, or does that sound like the kind of thing that could lead to a guy getting a drink thrown in his face?

Total Nerd Update: I have no excuse for why I didn't immediately think of this:



"My nipples explode with delight."