Assault with a poultry weapon

It's always cool in martial arts movies when the hero uses whatever he or she has at hand as a weapon, like when Jackie Chan kicks someone else's ass with a broom. But when some douche uses whatever he can find nearby to assault a couple of women? Not so much:

Frederick Duane McKaney, 40, of Ypsilanti, was arraigned Wednesday in 12th District Court in Jackson. He faces two felony assault charges as well as one count of assault and battery and one count of resisting an officer.

Prosecutors said McKaney stabbed his mother in the back of the neck with a fork Monday night.

About an hour later, he hit a woman in the head with a plastic bag of frozen chicken. They had exchanged rude words while he rode his bicycle. She needed five surgical staples to close her wound.

Which leads to the question I'm sure you're all naturally asking yourselves: who the hell rides around on a bike with a big bag of frozen chicken, assaulting people? I mean, other than that guy.

Update: If you wandered over here from dpud's daily Moron round-up (or even if you didn't), please feel free to look around and leave some comments.