If I ever get sent to jail...

...I've decided that I'll be invoking The Great Pumpkin to get out of something or other:

The Orange County Register reported Monday that Malcolm Alarmo King disliked the salami meals served at the jail, so he used his devotion to Festivus as a reason to get kosher meals reserved for inmates with religious needs.

Keeping kosher is not one of the tenets of Festivus, which was depicted on "Seinfeld" as celebrated with the airing of grievances and the display of an aluminum pole.

The article does not go on to state whether or not he was provided with an aluminum pole, though I kind of doubt it. On the other hand, in a setting like jail, I'm sure that "airing of grievances" is a year-round kind of thing.