Mysterious ways

Some religious people say that whenever God closes a door, He opens a window. In this case, it sounds like He did a couple of other things, too:

A would-be suicide jumper in New York was alive on Monday after leaping from a ninth-floor window but landing in a giant heap of garbage uncollected since the city's massive snowstorm a week ago.

Vangelis Kapatos, 26, was hospitalized in critical but stable condition after jumping from his apartment on West 45th Street on Sunday afternoon, authorities said.

Sanitation workers have not collected trash since the December 26 storm dumped more than a foot and a half of snow on the city. Mounds of garbage several feet high line many sidewalks.

"Everybody is complaining that the trash hasn't been picked up," Kapatos' aunt said on Monday. "But me, I'm thankful that it was never picked up."

Meanwhile, everyone else whose relatives weren't saved by a combination of garbage and snow are kind of pissed off, from what I've heard. Go figure.

Perhaps he'll design a better snowplow someday.