Big mama

A lot of women worry about dropping the weight they've gained during pregnancy. I get the feeling that's not really much of an issue in this case:

A 600-pound New Jersey woman has been declared the Fattest Woman to Have Given Birth by Guinness World Records.

Donna Simpson, who gave birth in Akron, Ohio, 3 years ago when she weighed 532 pounds, said she will be officially named the record holder during a September ceremony in New York, the Akron Beacon Journal reported Tuesday.

Simpson said she has since grown to 600 pounds and dreams of reaching 1,000 pounds.

Well, I guess everybody should have dreams. Yeah.

"There's a whole underground world of people who want to gain weight," Simpson said. "People don't know about it too much. But there's like a lot of women who are like 135 pounds and secretly want to be 400 pounds. But I'm a little extreme."

Lady, you're not a "little" anything.

She goes on to say that thousands of people pay money to watch her eating and doing housework in her lingerie (yes, I just threw up in my mouth, too), so I guess the fact that she's been impregnated twice without the aid of a turkey baster isn't completely far-fetched.